Hey there!
OP - July 15, 2014, 09:52 AM
Hi everyone (still kind of weird not writing assalaamu alaykum hehe!),
I guess I'm in here looking for people in similar positions to myself because to put it bluntly life is really quite rubbish at the moment!
I converted to Islam two and a half years ago. I think I was lost and searching for something and anything to help me out of the depression and eating disorder that had plagued me for ten years. My sister had converted and I got speaking to her and over a long process of research and asking lots of questions, I convinced myself it was true. I think maybe I thought I could use the structure and security so desperately tried to convince myself of its truth. Before that I was an atheist until I was 12, but started to believe in something when I was "saved" from a mountain bike accident and when the door handle of my bedroom started moving up and down on its own... I looked into Christianity but didn't believe that and dabbled into spiritualism but didn't see the point of contacting spirits even though I do think you can... From there, I entered Islam.
Gradually, I became more and more uncomfortable with the rules and principles and there are nineteen reasons on my list at the moment. The top five are...
1. I can't believe god would punish people forever in hell, especially people with challenging upbringings.
2. I believe in human evolution.
3. I don't think there's anything wrong with music, pork, having male friends and drinking alcohol or gambling in moderation.
4. I don't think a man should have the right to have sex with his wife whenever he wants.
5. Islam says that when you die, an angel comes to take your soul out, but when I nearly died I just floated above my body and saw no angel.
The main problem is that I got married but never loved my husband. Its so wrong you can't get to know the person or be alone with them before marriage. After marriage, there wasn't really much I could do about it Islamically so I just stuck it out. Now I want to separate but obviously this has severely affected my husband. He's in bits and says I've destroyed his life. But then yesterday he was talking about getting married again to get over it... I said that's not really going to be fair on his new wife but its not really my problem! Its so awkward at home- I just can't wait to be rid of him. I was tempted to go and stay with an ex when invited but thought that might not be such a good plan hehe! Plenty of time for that later!
I guess its also in the back of my head about being punished forever in hell. I don't believe it- I really don't- but its really hard not to feel a little bit anxious. Does anyone else feel like that?
Anyway nice to meet you all, Hannah
Topic: Hey there!