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Theme Changer

 Topic: Life help?

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  • Life help?
     OP - July 18, 2014, 11:51 PM
    So, I left Islam about 3-4 years ago, I'm in my very early 20s and am in the closet. But imagine a closet in a house on fire. Also snipers are aiming at the house.

    That's the kind of closet I'm in. I come from a muslim family. My dad is a 7/10 on an imaginary scale of conservatism. My mother is a 9/10. My brother an 8. I'm gay (well bi. But a very gay bi) and in Nigeria. Basically, I'm pretty fucked (no pun intended).

    From where I'm standing, I absolutely can NOT come out of either closet and risk persecution and possibly (very possibly) death. This was made realer? to me on 2 occasions. The more recent of them was at a sort of family meeting after a wedding we all went to. The very uncomfortable topic of my marriage came up. It ended with my mother saying who ever I was marrying, It had better be a muslim woman. If they can not even accept a christian into MY life, they will definitely not accept another man.

    That got me thinking (again) on how I could go on. Previously I had hoped for death self inflicted or otherwise; hell, I still sort of do considering I have a stash of antidepressants I don't use any more that I sometimes use as some sort of window to glimpse into a future where I was not alive. However I'm leaving those dark clouds.

    I'm thinking of a more alive-y future now. I'm looking for a wife. Someone who is very much in the same boat as me and has my sort of mentality. Someone who's ready to ride it out with me, be a fake muslim and a fake straight. I've been stabbing at places but no luck.

    I'm hoping there is a woman out there (here) who has a similar situation.

    Please, share your thoughts an opinions. I'm curious to hear what you guys think.

         
  • Life help?
     Reply #1 - July 18, 2014, 11:56 PM
    So, I left Islam about 3-4 years ago, I'm in my very early 20s and am in the closet. But imagine a closet in a house on fire. Also snipers are aiming at the house.

    That's the kind of closet I'm in. I come from a muslim family. My dad is a 7/10 on an imaginary scale of conservatism. My mother is a 9/10. My brother an 8. I'm gay (well bi. But a very gay bi) and in Nigeria. Basically, I'm pretty fucked (no pun intended).

    From where I'm standing, I absolutely can NOT come out of either closet and risk persecution and possibly (very possibly) death. This was made realer? to me on 2 occasions. The more recent of them was at a sort of family meeting after a wedding we all went to. The very uncomfortable topic of my marriage came up. It ended with my mother saying who ever I was marrying, It had better be a muslim woman. If they can not even accept a christian into MY life, they will definitely not accept another man.

    That got me thinking (again) on how I could go on. Previously I had hoped for death self inflicted or otherwise; hell, I still sort of do considering I have a stash of antidepressants I don't use any more that I sometimes use as some sort of window to glimpse into a future where I was not alive. However I'm leaving those dark clouds.

    I'm thinking of a more alive-y future now. I'm looking for a wife. Someone who is very much in the same boat as me and has my sort of mentality. Someone who's ready to ride it out with me, be a fake muslim and a fake straight. I've been stabbing at places but no luck.

    I'm hoping there is a woman out there (here) who has a similar situation.

    Please, share your thoughts an opinions. I'm curious to hear what you guys think.

        
  • Life help?
     Reply #2 - July 18, 2014, 11:57 PM
    Hi lookout. Welcome to CEMB. Please don't post duplicate threads in multiple parts of the forum. I am combining your posts into 1 thread that will be in the Introductions section.
    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
  • Life help?
     Reply #3 - July 19, 2014, 01:39 AM
     parrot

    I think it is critical that you stay in the closets. Many people here are also stuck in closets, you are not alone. Staying alive gives you a better chance at a happy future. Welcome.
    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Life help?
     Reply #4 - July 19, 2014, 01:46 AM
    Welcome. What three said!  parrot
  • Life help?
     Reply #5 - July 19, 2014, 01:54 AM
    Welcome to the forum Lookout, have a rabbit!  bunny

    I echo three and lua's sentiments. Stay safe first, man.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Life help?
     Reply #6 - July 19, 2014, 03:05 PM
    Welcome! parrot

    Sucks, man. Can't offer any advice, though. Is there any way you can go to Europe? Cause in your own country you are not safe because of your religious views/sexuality?
    The future is full of thrilling possibilities.
  • Life help?
     Reply #7 - July 19, 2014, 03:11 PM
    Are you able to seek asylum in europe because of your sexuality ?
  • Life help?
     Reply #8 - July 21, 2014, 04:50 PM
    Welcome brother, 
    you are amongst friends and glad you found your way here. Smiley
    Just to reiterate, it is imperative you keep your apostacy & true sexuality hidden, many of us are familiar with the story of the last man in Nigeria who openly went atheist.
    In the meantime have you looked at getting residency in a secular country if at all possible?
  • Life help?
     Reply #9 - July 21, 2014, 04:58 PM
    Quote from: Lookout on July 18, 2014, 11:51 PM
    So, I left Islam about 3-4 years ago, I'm in my very early 20s and am in the closet. But imagine a closet in a house on fire. Also snipers are aiming at the house.


    Thought for a moment you were in Gaza there.

    Welcome, Lookout Smiley You have come to the right place. Here you have allies. I am a never-Muslims but I am an ally, both for ex-Muslims and for gay people.

     parrot

    It sure sounds like you are in a hard situation Cry Please accept my very remote support as a human to another human far away hug
    Danish Never-Moose adopted by the kind people on the CEMB-forum
    Ex-Muslim chat (Unaffliated with CEMB). Safari users: Use "#ex-muslims" as the channel name. CEMB chat thread.
  • Life help?
     Reply #10 - July 21, 2014, 07:26 PM
     parrot
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Life help?
     Reply #11 - July 21, 2014, 11:30 PM
    Thanks a lot for the support guys, It means a lot to me. And yes, Nigeria does have a habit of burning things.

    I know very well to keep my beliefs to myself. I honestly have not looked into seeking asylum because 1. I feel my family has invested and sacrificed a lot for me to just up and leave to some other country; 2. If I did, a rejection could blow a giant hole into my life.

    Right now, I'm settling for looking for a lesbian (or very near that) who feels similar to what I do.

    Are a lot of you guys closetted too?
  • Life help?
     Reply #12 - July 23, 2014, 10:28 AM
    hi lookout,

    can't you say something (lie if its necessary) to convinced your parents that you want to study abroad or looking for a better job perhaps? you can use the boko haram issue tho.
  • Life help?
     Reply #13 - July 23, 2014, 12:21 PM
    Glad you found a way to express your feelings safely. Most of us are also in your same boat, the victim's boat of overprotective religious families (I can't find any better names. Cheesy) and I believe that they are others around the world too. Maybe in Nigeria too but you haven't found yet. I was scared at first coming from a muslim country, but since I'm hanging around here, I've seen more and more ex muslims Malaysians. I'm rowing with you too as I'm writing here. So let's row hard together to discover a better place where you can find peace and love.  far away hug
  • Life help?
     Reply #14 - July 24, 2014, 11:30 AM
    Quote from: Indostic on July 23, 2014, 10:28 AM
    can't you say something (lie if its necessary) to convinced your parents that you want to study abroad or looking for a better job perhaps? you can use the boko haram issue tho.


    I am already studying abroad, been at it for a couple of years now. But wherever I am studying, I am still reliant on them and sadly, by extension, subject to their culture :/


    Thanks HippieGandhi. Finding atheists and/or agnostics in Nigeria would be very difficult, let alone a gay friendly one.
  • Life help?
     Reply #15 - July 29, 2014, 11:07 PM
    Forgive me brother where are my manners.
     parrot &  bunny
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