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Theme Changer

 Topic: Greetings from Switzerland!

 (Read 5144 times)
  • 12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     OP - August 01, 2014, 10:59 PM

    Hello everyone!

    I am a new member from Switzerland. I am a student in my twenties and half Northern African. I was raised muslim by one of my parents and thought I would always stay that way and never question my beliefs, but wow was I wrong ^_^''
    I am interested in people's stories of how they started to struggle with faith and how they came out of it. I have been thinking (way too much) recently about what leaving faith means for my identity, what consequences it could have, what I should do.
    Until now I have been practicing and all (no pork, no alcohol, no actual dating or sex, fasting) but at the same time trying to combine my religion with my not very islamic hobbies and passions like metal music, martial arts (as a girl, ermahgerd), my taste for sexually explicit and violent dark fantasy shows or video games... Also the vast majority of my friends and acquaintances are non practicing theists or agnostic atheists (they have always been very tolerant and understanding, I love them to bits).
    So yeah basically at some point during the past year, as I was taking time off to reflect and spent a semester abroad enjoying a freedom I never could have dreamed of before, the cognitive dissonance became to high for me to continue ignoring it xD being a one-of-a-kind strange mix of several things that don't seem to mix well together can be fun and make you feel all "special" and "unique", but it's come to a point where it just seems exhausting and counter productive.
    I am still living with my parents but I made sure I could do my last uni year at the other end of the country, because I just can't take the ridiculous rules any more. You probably know the drill; have to be home by midnight, but usually it's even earlier, a LOT earlier, midnight is an "exception". I have to say where and with whom and of course I don't have any acquaintances of the opposite sex.. no never  Roll Eyes I can't sleep over at someone's house, not even the one of a female friends!! So no going on vacation with friends, no concerts if I can't be home in time, no festivals... Also I'd love to do more sports, train more, but since I usually finish late at uni (around 5-7pm) I go train rather late (8-10pm) so that has been a huuuge problem for my strict parent since forever (also their fear that I could seduce the males with my pink sweaty face, suuure) so I only ever manage to go to one training a week max if I don't want to get in a fight several times a week... Sorry that's a bit of a rant but this has been pissing me off all semester, especially since I am not a teenager anymore, I am almost in my mid-twenties and after a quite fulfilling semester abroad I come home and nothing's changed, so it's even more frustrating  finmad
    I thought these frustrations are only due to stupid retrograde (and sexist) traditions that immigrant parents hang on to in fear to lose their identity and heritage. But I came to the conclusion that religion really doesn't seem to help in the matter... especially since it's completely unthinkable to even question those things without being seen as a traitor or accused of being unfaithful or influenced by the bad bad Western culture. If I hated eating couscous it would be no big deal, even though it's traditional food, but wanting to come home after midnight or live on my own or with roomates is absolutely horrible, because "we don't do that kind of thing!!".

    'kay I'll stop my intro here and save the rest for other topics ^^ I'm looking forward to get to know and discuss with you all!
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #1 - August 01, 2014, 11:08 PM

    Welcome feryel!
    What are you studying?

    My mind runs, I can never catch it even if I get a head start.
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #2 - August 01, 2014, 11:17 PM

    If I hated eating couscous


    A'oothubillah, sister. Please repent and ask Allah to forgive you.

    Leave Islam if you will.

    But never... NEVER say you hate cous-cous.

    Oh and welcome!  Smiley
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #3 - August 01, 2014, 11:18 PM

    btw my story is here, if you are interested:

    http://abooali.wordpress.com/
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #4 - August 01, 2014, 11:19 PM

    Also see my sig.
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #5 - August 01, 2014, 11:22 PM

    hello feryal, welcome to the forum, nice to have you here  Smiley

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #6 - August 02, 2014, 12:02 AM

    Don't mind Abu Ali; cous-cous is pretty bad.

    And welcome abroad !

    أشهد أن لا إله
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #7 - August 02, 2014, 01:35 AM

    Welcome feryel!
    What are you studying?


    I study bioengineering. It's a very broad field, but I'm trying to get into electrode design and microfabrication to stimulate spinal cord of rats and maybe humans later.

    A'oothubillah, sister. Please repent and ask Allah to forgive you.

    Leave Islam if you will.

    But never... NEVER say you hate cous-cous.

    Oh and welcome!  Smiley


    Hahaha!   Cheesy Don't worry I could never hate couscous. Actually I am hungry now, we should make some \o/
    Oh how I wish it was possible to engrave your signature into some people's minds, it would make things so much easier for a lot of people!
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #8 - August 02, 2014, 05:15 AM

    No one has given you a parrot! Have one now. parrot

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #9 - August 02, 2014, 08:06 AM

    Welcome, Feryel  parrot

    The future is full of thrilling possibilities.
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #10 - August 02, 2014, 12:08 PM

    Welcome feryel! I've joined quite recently as well, so my story is still fresh on the intro board. I don't know how this will make you feel, but you share hobbies with my Muslim husband! Of course, he's not a woman, so things have played out very differently for him...

    In any case, you share struggles with countless members on here. Personally, I can attest to how painful it is to return home after enjoying the independence of studying someplace far, far away from your parents. It's no joke.
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #11 - August 02, 2014, 09:48 PM

    Welcome Feryel, I enjoined reading your post XD
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #12 - August 03, 2014, 04:24 AM

    Welcome Feryel!  parrot bunny

    First time for me to see a swizzy on the forum!
    Cheesy

    Dogs never bite me - just humans. ~ M. Monroe

    Religions seem to cause more grief than good.

    Exmuslim Chat
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #13 - August 03, 2014, 07:01 AM

    Cornflower's one. A few other members as well that aren't active much any more.

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #14 - August 03, 2014, 07:23 AM

    Welcome! Bienvenue! Willkommen im dieser neuer Welt! (did I get that right? :-P). Yeah from what I can gather, it's much tougher to live as a Muslim for women, especially if you question it even slightly.... But glad to see you've broken away!
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #15 - August 03, 2014, 07:36 AM

    Cornflower's one. A few other members as well that aren't active much any more.


    Come on dude. I'm from Sweden, not Switzerland Tongue

    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #16 - August 03, 2014, 07:38 AM

    Ah. I shall now study this. http://www.differencebetween.net/miscellaneous/difference-between-sweden-and-switzerland/

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #17 - August 03, 2014, 11:18 AM

    Hey and welcome, fellow North-African and metal fan  dance

    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #18 - August 03, 2014, 12:00 PM



    C'mon, Quod! You're a Brit aren't you? That's the sort of error I would have thought only Yanks would make.
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #19 - August 03, 2014, 12:08 PM

    I know. I am deeply ashamed.

    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #20 - August 03, 2014, 01:29 PM

     parrot

    Welcome!

    Your comments about parental attitudes are thought provoking.  I thought many people emigrated to get a better life!

    I do not believe it was only about economics, but also freedom from theses restrictions you so eloquently describe!

    So I am really puzzled!

    My extended family contains fundies but also normal people, and I just do not believe these stories I read about homogenous families.

    So is it possible to have some real attitudes of families to religion, or is this a very biased segment here who are experiencing a hard time?Or has a whole very large segment morphed into attitudes they themselves did not hold?




    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #21 - August 03, 2014, 02:09 PM


    I thought these frustrations are only due to stupid retrograde (and sexist) traditions that immigrant parents hang on to in fear to lose their identity and heritage. But I came to the conclusion that religion really doesn't seem to help in the matter... especially since it's completely unthinkable to even question those things without being seen as a traitor or accused of being unfaithful or influenced by the bad bad Western culture. If I hated eating couscous it would be no big deal, even though it's traditional food, but wanting to come home after midnight or live on my own or with roomates is absolutely horrible, because "we don't do that kind of thing!!".



    Hello Feryel! Smiley
     Is this your real name?
    Maybe we have the same North African's origin.

    However that's what I think too.
    I'm in your exact same situation except for the fact that I live in another city because of University but I can't spend the night at my FEMALE friends house because "we don't have girls who so this kind of things". WTF?

    Welcome! parrot

     BTW I love sexual explicit and dark fantasy stuff too  Afro


    Every Morning We Are Born Again.
    What We Do Today Is What Matters Most.
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #22 - August 04, 2014, 12:26 AM

    Wow hello everyone! This is overwhelming Cheesy

    Thanks for the parrot  parrot I will take good care of it. What is it called? I'll call him Rachid (I call everything Rachid, if there is an actual Rachid around here I hope I didn't offend you xD)

    Welcome feryel! I've joined quite recently as well, so my story is still fresh on the intro board. I don't know how this will make you feel, but you share hobbies with my Muslim husband! Of course, he's not a woman, so things have played out very differently for him...

    In any case, you share struggles with countless members on here. Personally, I can attest to how painful it is to return home after enjoying the independence of studying someplace far, far away from your parents. It's no joke.


    I read your intro post before actually ^^ Where you born into Islam too?

    Come on dude. I'm from Sweden, not Switzerland Tongue


    And I thought the Switzerland/Sweden confusion was a cliché xD I'm not even offended, Sweden seems cool, you had vikings and badass metal bands \m/

    Hey and welcome, fellow North-African and metal fan  dance

    Yeaah! I only ever meet fellow Maghrebis (is that a word? Well it is now) that judge me for my music taste, looks and say I'm not "one of them" or "a real one" because I look "too Swiss", whatever that means ^^' Do you live in your country of origin or elsewhere?

    parrot

    Welcome!

    Your comments about parental attitudes are thought provoking.  I thought many people emigrated to get a better life!

    I do not believe it was only about economics, but also freedom from theses restrictions you so eloquently describe!

    So I am really puzzled!

    My extended family contains fundies but also normal people, and I just do not believe these stories I read about homogenous families.

    So is it possible to have some real attitudes of families to religion, or is this a very biased segment here who are experiencing a hard time?Or has a whole very large segment morphed into attitudes they themselves did not hold?



    I think each family is different. In my case, my Northern African father came from a poor family, got the opportunity to study abroad, met my Swiss mother, they somehow fell in love and got married (what happened before that, only God, if he exists, knows xD) and decided to live in Switzerland because it was simpler job-wise and pretty much everything else. Since my father left his family and country to get married, he seems to be very scared of losing his identity. He always insisted on how important it was for their kids to grow up muslims. Also I should mention that I am an only child, so way to put all the pressure on me. He is considered very "moderate", but that doesn't make it any easier since he always brings out the "I am a very tolerant and moderate father, you should be greatful that I am not like others, but I will NEVER be a EUROPEAN father" argument, because Europeans are so evil, letting their girls have boyfriends and go out and stuff ^^'
    The worst is I get where he's coming from. I actually found myself emulating just that when I once tried to be with someone who was 100% European, I thought about the future and how I would feel left out of my own family if I were the only one to not eat pork, fasting during Ramadan and the kids where raised without religion. It made me feel anxious and sad, because at that time I was convinced religion was part of who I was and my identity. I didn't want to change it for anyone or compromise anything because I would be betraying myself. I'll probably put this issue in another topic. Lately I'm really questioning who has been a bigger influence in my life. I always thought I had to "fight" against western influence and stay true to myself, but I really don't know anymore...
    Some people from muslim countries who go to other countries might not think much of religion and not see it as so important for their identity. These are the ones that enjoy the freedoms western countries have to offer and I admit I used to look down on them, especially if they where fellow Maghrebis who always tell me how "Swiss" I am looking and I thought "how dare they tell me this, when they are living their student lives getting drunk, having sex and behaving like everyone else". It's ironic how my people view me as so Europeanised when I am having issues they might not even have themselves, because most people from Maghrebi countries at universities come from richer families that can afford to send their sons and daughters to good high schools and to unis abroad. From what I observed, richer families tend to be more liberal.

    Maybe I digress, but I'm starting to think religion raised me to be a massive hipster xD

    Welcome! Bienvenue! Willkommen im dieser neuer Welt! (did I get that right? :-P). Yeah from what I can gather, it's much tougher to live as a Muslim for women, especially if you question it even slightly.... But glad to see you've broken away!

     
    Yeah  Afro (close enough, it's "in dieser neuen Welt" but German grammar is impossible  Cheesy)

    Well there is the very-hard-to-ignore restriction that you can only marry Muslim men. Also even though I never wore the hijab, there are the comments on what you wear (strangely enough metal shirt never were a problem. As long as I am unattractive, it's fine xD). I am pretty sure if I had been a guy I wouldn't have gotten the same reactions when only even mentioning the name of a male human at home... And I was explicitly told that because I'm a girl I am not to live on my own before I get married. In the end I managed to go abroad for a semester but I had to pretend that "I had no choice, I tried to find an internship closer to home but I found nothing and it's mandatory, so..." and it wasn't an easy discussion to have.

    ArielT: No it's a fake name, but I once drew a character that had this name because I found it pretty =D Where do you live? As for the country, mine is huge but somehow manages to be invisible to everyone because rarely someone knows where it is!  Cheesy
    It's ridiculous whenever I have to decline a female friend's offer to sleep over and they say "What does he think? That I am gay and that we are going to do sexual things together? xD" and I can only tell them to not even bother trying to understand because it's not even about that, it just doesn't make sense at all! ^^''
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #23 - August 04, 2014, 05:20 AM

    feryel, yes I was born into Islam.
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #24 - August 04, 2014, 09:29 AM


    Yeaah! I only ever meet fellow Maghrebis (is that a word? Well it is now) that judge me for my music taste, looks and say I'm not "one of them" or "a real one" because I look "too Swiss", whatever that means ^^' Do you live in your country of origin or elsewhere?


    I think Maghrebine is the correct term, but that's probably the French influence that makes me think that Smiley Unfortunately I still live in my country of origin, though I travel to Europe and attend festivals and concerts as often as I can Smiley

    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #25 - August 04, 2014, 03:03 PM


    ArielT: No it's a fake name, but I once drew a character that had this name because I found it pretty =D Where do you live? As for the country, mine is huge but somehow manages to be invisible to everyone because rarely someone knows where it is!  Cheesy
    It's ridiculous whenever I have to decline a female friend's offer to sleep over and they say "What does he think? That I am gay and that we are going to do sexual things together? xD" and I can only tell them to not even bother trying to understand because it's not even about that, it just doesn't make sense at all! ^^''



    Oh that's sad XD
    Oh do you perhaps watch anime?

    Mine it's really small but it's a bit famous I think. However I guess yours is Algeria?

    Yes, it is. Today my sister argued with my parents about this. I'm going crazy lol
    It doesn't make any sense but I really don't care anymore.

    Btw I'm a new member too. So if you're curious you can read my story too^^


    Every Morning We Are Born Again.
    What We Do Today Is What Matters Most.
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #26 - August 04, 2014, 09:41 PM

    Haha very good guess ^^ for you I'm going to guess Tunisia? I'll look for your story, maybe I'm right Tongue

    Actually I never heard that name before researching a name for my character. I found it and thought "that name is cool! Also it sound like an elvish name" =D I was drawing a comic for a high school project. Do you speak/understand French? I could show you if you want ^^

    Yes!! I used to be addicted to manga when I was a teenager. There weren't many at the time and since I didn't have access to the internet as often I could only watch some Anime as dvds but they were sooo expensive D: I'm less into manga now because university and I somehow forgot how to read other things than scientific papers :( I read Fruits Basket (my first manga love, made me start drawing in a manga style), Kenshin, pretty much everything by Kaori Yuki (Angel Sanctuary, Count Cain, Devil's Lost Soul), Love Hina, Hama Kimi (watched the Japanese and Korean drama of that as well), Detective Conan, YuGi-Oh, GTO, Black Cat, Family Compo, recently I started Black Butler.
    I'm glad my father never had any interest in manga/anime whatsoever and no preconceived ideas, because if he knew what kind of stories I read...

    Regarding the sleeping over thing, I think my father wouldn't even think about the possibility that I could be attracted to girls (sad as it is, I am grateful I am not, because it must be horrible to be gay in a muslim family, I so hate that it's like that, just one more reason to be fed up with this shit, too much injustice). It's really a matter of "a proper girl doesn't sleep out" "what would people say" which people? You left them all behind, there is a sea between us and them "It's not right!!" Ok whatever...
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #27 - August 05, 2014, 06:29 PM

    OMG that's awesome!
    I love manga more than anime and I'm into it even nowadays XD
    Oh you watch drama too?

    Hehe I understand French;) I learned it in High School ^^

    Every Morning We Are Born Again.
    What We Do Today Is What Matters Most.
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #28 - August 05, 2014, 07:40 PM

    Woohooo! another metal head joins the ranks! have a metal parrot  parrot
    okay just imagine a metal parrot...


    welcome  Smiley

    "Ours is the age which is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to."
    هذا من فضل جدي
  • Greetings from Switzerland!
     Reply #29 - August 05, 2014, 07:44 PM

    Yaay another manga lover. You read Breaker, Threads of Time or Sun Ken Rock? Perhaps we have different tastes Tongue GTO was fun though, love the anime with the funny accent "Onjiiiiiiizukaaaaa!" Grin *nerd face*

    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
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