Hi everyone,
I am an ex-Muslim. Alhamdu-fucking-lillah.
I am British but I live in Finland with my shia Muslim husband. I'm in my very early twenties.
Why I left Islam, well, the short version is this: I was tricked, I discovered said trickery, was horrified. I imagine many other converts feel the same.
I never had that 'oh, Allah has chosen ME of all people, how lucky and blessed I am' feeling. I just felt it was so wrong that I would be more likely to go to Heaven than for example my mum and sister, whom I love more than anything. Once truly among them, I saw other Muslims as self-righteous and judgmental - NOT the message they give you in dawah!
I never did good things for the promise of a reward in Heaven. That, my Muslim friends, is poor morality.
I never felt that Islam was perfect or that God was merciful or loving. Actually, I thought pretty early on that he was an arsehole and we would all just have to live with it! Honestly. My dad is gay and I was raised by my mum, but also by him and his partner. I am a feminist. I don't believe in death penalties. God hates these concepts! Up until now, I somehow justified it all - I cannot for the life of me understand how. Christ.
I never felt hijab protected me. In fact, since wearing it Finnish men leave me alone, but Muslim men stare freely at me and my body under the clothes with no idea of who I am or what I do. Even when my husband is with me. Hijab plus white woman is a HUGE fetish, especially for men, in the Muslim community. I was put on a pedestal as soon as I converted *mashallah mashallah...cont. page 100* I have quite big eyes and fair skin and a smallish mouth like the women in those nude paintings, and Muslim men think it's great, so innocent-looking (another fetish they have).
And I hated all the 'Hijab is my choice' rubbish. What the FUCK. So you are just going to ignore your 'sisters' who are forced into it? The oppression that you have only escaped because you are enjoying rights in the West that Western women have fought for for generations? Rights that are not Islamic? I hate them comparing women to candy or some other object. Don't they see what they are doing?? It's the exact same thing they claim Islam abhors.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but Islam only gave women certain property rights..? Either way, I don't buy it anymore.
Lately I have been reading about patriarchy and misogyny and feminism. I think this more than anything sealed the deal, as it was closer to home. You know what, I am just going to say it, because fuck Islam and keeping the tears between me and Allah and whatever. I had experienced a lot of sexual abuse at the hands of male 'friends' as a teenager and it was just tearing me into worthless, pathetic, drab shreds. Islam seemed like it would give me the respect and peace I was so, so desperately looking for. I thought it would end the objectifying and the abuse and would change my own perception about myself. I could finally see myself as a woman, and men would not see me as something they were entitled to, nor would I see myself that way.
So that's how they got me.
When I finally discovered patriarchy to be the root of my problems, I thought 'surely Islam doesn't have anything like this?' Hah! Hilarious, really. I am heartbroken at all the fucking lying and deception, but damned if I am turning to religion again.
Before Islam I was a scared person. After it I am an angry person. But you can be sure as hell I'm not apologising for it. This has been bubbling inside for too long and I am so thankful I am in a country where I can leave this damned religion without fear of my life.
My husband is a terrible Muslim. By that I mean, he supports my dad (gasp a gay) and discards lots of hadith, as I did completely by the way. And has a moral code separate from the Quran etc etc.
Quranism is slightly better than hadithism. Slightly. I never got how Muslims were so obsessed with form. I prayed three times a day in three positions (mentioned in Quran) and uttered Quranic verses (also mentioned). That was it. And Zakat I paid what I could. I didn't get the whole 'you need hadith to explain Quran' thing. Now I just think that the reason the Quran is SO UNCLEAR is because the writers took it for granted that people would always know/understand certain references
I haven't told my husband about my apostasy. He knows I am extremely critical, as is he. We will have to see what happens.
First off I want to get rid of this horrible rag on my head. Sigh. Piety = becoming invisible, apparently. Well sod that ^.^
What a long and at times erratic introduction. I have been so submissive my entire life and now I have trouble controlling the expression of my opinions
it is hard to regulate them so they don't sound aggressive and badly composed. I'm not used to it yet. But I love having a voice now.
Have a nice day everyone.
Topic: Big sigh