Ok the verse we are talking about with the 3 step plan on how to reconcile a husband and wife, is presented like this: admonish, leave the bed, and beat them. Now since there seems to be very little agreement on what this verse means, I will give my Irish Mullah tafsir. If the Arabs, Pakistanis, etc have messed up this bad, the Irish should have a go since we are the people the Lord made mad, and honestly, made the most sane
1 - "admonish" is the wrong word, you don't shame your wife, as though she were some pet. Nor do you advise her like she is your student. You communicate and speak WITH her, not TO her. When she is upset or has hurt you, you don't scold, you don't chide, no, that only hurts her. Why do you want to hurt her when she is your own heart? Hurting her in any way is worse than hurting yourself, and if you loved her you would avoid this. People make mistakes for sure for sure, we act foolish and even forget to be kind to ourselves. We're just human beings struggling along. So you find beautiful words to say to your dear wife, you bring your feelings to her, you bring your hurt and your fears, you show your heart ache with your tears, just as the Prophet did with Khadijah when he was shaken after being in the Hira. You show your pain to her and your vulnerability, you bring this with beautiful words that will move her heart towards you, not with words that will send her further from you. You sing to her, you let all your feelings come out and you place them before her own sweet heart. This will bring you closer and your issues will be resolved ia.
2 - "leave the bed", this does not mean you act cold or callous towards her. No. You can never let her feel abandoned, desertion is against manhood and it is the way of cowards. How could you break her heart by punishing her with loneliness? How could you allow her to become bitter from the sting of your silence? How do you think this would ever bring her back to you, it will only prove to her further that, in the end, you would have left her. That is destruction. No, what it means is you give her time and space to navigate her own thoughts and emotions with beauty and grace. You tell her that you would never leave her stranded, you hold her hand, look into her eyes and tell her that wherever you are you are with her, that you are not letting her go, you are just letting her be. If she feels lonely, be there always ready, do not ever allow her to doubt your devotion to her, consider it a sin. If you are separated for a time, you stand outside her window, you look at the moon and tell it how much the separation from her grieves your heart. You tell the moon that it is nothing compared to her, the moon steals light from the Sun while she radiates her own luminance. If you do this, it will make her heart overflow and she won't wait, she will come looking for you. She will know your pain as much as you know hers.
3 - "beat them". In no circumstance would a literal application of this ever benefit the relationship. If you hit her, even lightly, you will have broken her trust, her loyalty, and her heart. Your connection will be forever severed, it will never be the same, because she came to know you as someone who she should fear. You are a man. You are to offer yourself as a refuge and sanctuary for her, you are to take care of her trust and love, how could you betray her? How could you let her know you as a threat or an enemy? Never do this, whether symbolically or otherwise unless you want her to remain with you only from fear, and if that is the case, know you are a tyrant and will be with Firawn in the next life. You will never have her see you as a true, sincere friend after that, and she would be right to leave you. My fatwa is if you hit your wife your marriage is done. It is broken, even if she remains. This does not mean beat or symbolically tap or whatever nonsense the dry legalists have theorized. Irish Mullahs aren't those people.
It means make beautiful love to her. Its a crude metaphor, but we are crude beings. This is not for your gratification nor is it a time when you decide. You bring her flowers, bring her gifts, wash the dishes, make her feel honored and dignified. Praise her. Sing her name. Give her your full attention, and if you are attentive you will recognize the moment. When it manifests, you forget yourself and you give her your full devotion and adoration. You use your hands, your eyes, your lips to show her your heart and what honor it contains for her. You lose yourself in her, you let your body be at her service, you are not for yourself now. You seek out the divine beauty and majesty that she has been endowed with and you worship like a man that has met sacredness embodied. You let your hearts heal, and let your souls seal in that union that is beyond ancient. Bring paradise to this earth and let it lay waste to the hell of this place. All a sane man can ever care about is giving love, so give generously like you have the ocean inside your chest. This is what the verse means, I will say it in any mosque from any mimbar, and I don't give a thought to what the scholars say.
Topic: The most dopey mullah evah