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Theme Changer

 Topic: Relationship post-Islam

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  • Relationship post-Islam
     OP - March 15, 2015, 07:51 PM
    So I was wondering...how was it for you guys to be in a relationship after your apostasy? I'm especially interested in people that were pretty devout (or prude, lol) and never had any relationship untill after leaving Islam. Pretty tough for a 23 year old to have a first boyfriend/girlfriend and a first kiss.

    I'm asking for a friend.  Cheesy
    The future is full of thrilling possibilities.
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #1 - March 15, 2015, 08:51 PM
    Not sure if this helps, but I only had 2 girlfriends and did not make love to either of them before I met my wife, due in large part to my devout Catholicism. Now that I am divorced at 26 I am dating and having sex with people like a normal American it is kind of odd.
    إطلب العلم ولو في الصين

    Es sitzt keine Krone so fest und so hoch,
    Der mutige Springer erreicht sie doch.

    I don't give a fuck about your war, or your President.
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #2 - March 15, 2015, 10:21 PM
    Well I was dating someone during the "transition period" however it was really weird when I started drinking and doing other stuff, and because he was muslim (well not really practising) that ofcourse led to a break up as he was hoping to find a religeous muslim housewife  Cheesy

    Afterwards my dating history has been pretty varied, and because I`m finally comfortable in my apostacy it`s never been a problem. I first dated a chinese guy post apostacy lol, it was interesting as we both came from two very different backgrounds! After which there`s been quite a few!!

    If it`s your friends first time I think the best advice I can give is to just be yourself and if your not comfortable with anything MAKES SURE you make that clear  Afro I don`t think having no relationship experience before 23 is a problem, it`s just meeting new people and trying new things  cool2

    Just have fun and see where it leads  Kiss
    "the question is" said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be the master- that`s all."
    Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking- Glass.
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #3 - March 15, 2015, 10:35 PM
    Relationships and dating is a mystery for me. I was very shy and prude-ish as a teenager, and got into an arranged marriage at a young age. Now I'm void of any shyness or prude-ish tendencies Grin but I guess some people are just illiterate when it comes to stuff like that. How do people even do it, why does it come so natural for every one else? I simply don't know.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #4 - March 15, 2015, 11:21 PM
    I wish I could give you advice, but it wasn't until later in my college years that I had to put my money where my mouth was regarding Islam, and I had earlier teenage years full of dating. I was a terrible Muslim.

    Asbie, get in here!
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #5 - March 16, 2015, 01:41 AM
    Yeah, I cannot help you with this. I can commit, but I cannot date. It seems that all I understand are arrangements.
    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #6 - March 16, 2015, 02:39 AM
    Don't worry about it. Your sex life is your business and if you find someone who isn't understanding dump them. Honestly 23 is still young. There are a lot of good men (or women if that's your thing) out there. Don't let anyone pressure you. It's important you're comfortable.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #7 - March 16, 2015, 08:58 AM
    Quote from: Trustworthy on March 15, 2015, 07:51 PM
    Pretty tough for a 23 year old to have a first boyfriend/girlfriend and a first kiss.


    No big, happened to me at age 26 Wink
    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #8 - March 16, 2015, 11:37 AM
    Quote from: Trustworthy on March 15, 2015, 07:51 PM
    Pretty tough for a 23 year old to have a first boyfriend/girlfriend and a first kiss.

    Mine happened at 21. Don't worry about your age too much. Just concentrate on growing social skills and confidence.
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #9 - March 16, 2015, 01:26 PM
    Quote from: Naerys on March 16, 2015, 08:58 AM
    No big, happened to me at age 26 Wink


    Same

    Its difficult and whatnot, so you're going to make mistakes without a doubt. You level up just like anything else that you have to start from scratch though. Go ahead and do it if you think its worthwhile.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #10 - March 16, 2015, 06:35 PM
    What's more difficult than the social/physical parts are the emotional effects that relationships will have on you. Most people by their 20s will have some experience with rejection, heartbreak, and disappointment as related to relationships. For someone who doesn't have any experience with it be forewarned that these emotions are very powerful and should not be underestimated.

    Relationship building involves hard work, time, and mental toughness for which you should be prepared. If you think you'll just get in there and everything will just go great, you're in for a world of shit. So be ready, good luck, and have fun!  Afro
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #11 - March 16, 2015, 06:43 PM
    I had dates and sex, but I left religion at a young age and had sex at a young age, which I dont  really care bout. As long as you know what you re doing and you re happy with it. Dont worry, just go a check out hot guys and make sure u flirt Cheesy
    Dogs never bite me - just humans. ~ M. Monroe

    Religions seem to cause more grief than good.

    Exmuslim Chat
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #12 - March 17, 2015, 10:06 AM
    Either god/allah has real problems with sex or people claim close relationships with him because they have problems with...
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #13 - March 17, 2015, 10:14 AM
    Maybe some form of beaufort scale is required? 

    Able to treat others as equals, be empathatic, co-operative, playful to believing and practisising celibacy, having very unequal relationships, authoritarian.

    There have been discussions about the dark triad

    Quote
    The dark triad is a group of three personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy.[1][2][3] Use of the term "dark" implies that these traits have malevolent qualities:[4][5][6][7]

    Narcissism is characterized by grandiosity, pride, egotism, and a lack of empathy.[8]

    Machiavellianism is characterized by manipulation and exploitation of others; a cynical disregard for morality, and a focus on self-interest and deception.[9]

    Psychopathy is characterized by enduring antisocial behavior, impulsivity, selfishness, callousness, and remorselessness.[10]

    All three traits have been associated with a callous-manipulative interpersonal style.[11] A factor analysis carried out at the Glasgow Caledonian University found that among the big five personality traits, the trait of agreeableness is strongly absent in regards to the dark triad, while other traits such as neuroticism and a lack of conscientiousness were associated with some.[


    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_triad

    Does it need to be expanded to include being part of hierarchical and or word based organisations led by males?
    When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.


    A.A. Milne,

    "We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #14 - March 17, 2015, 11:46 AM
    Quote from: PeruvianSkies on March 16, 2015, 11:37 AM
    Mine happened at 21. Don't worry about your age too much. Just concentrate on growing social skills and confidence.


    This x 100000

    I was super prude, now just improving social skills and stuff with the boys. Made a really amazing female friend. Now met someone I think I can connect with. Just have to see if she feels interested lol.

    Much better than what I was 4-5 months ago. Only just started. Hopefully first kiss etc coming. At this rate with my wild persona, it shouldn't be too hard.
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #15 - March 17, 2015, 12:13 PM
    Quote from: moi on March 17, 2015, 10:06 AM
    Either god/allah has real problems with sex or people claim close relationships with him because they have problems with...

     Cheesy
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #16 - March 17, 2015, 01:49 PM
    Ye the only reason I had my first kiss and sex at 19 was due to a not well thought through marriage. Like Nareys my first proper post Islam relationship and fornication Tongue as Islam puts it was at 26 Wink

    You still young Smiley
    "I Knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." Alice in wonderland

    "This is the only heaven we have how dare you make it a hell" Dr Marlene Winell
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #17 - March 22, 2015, 02:56 PM
    Quote from: countjulian on March 15, 2015, 08:51 PM
    Not sure if this helps, but I only had 2 girlfriends and did not make love to either of them before I met my wife, due in large part to my devout Catholicism. Now that I am divorced at 26 I am dating and having sex with people like a normal American it is kind of odd.


    Like a normal American. I like that part. Did you get divorced at 26 or are you currently 26?

    Quote from: totalweirdo on March 15, 2015, 10:21 PM
    Well I was dating someone during the "transition period" however it was really weird when I started drinking and doing other stuff, and because he was muslim (well not really practising) that ofcourse led to a break up as he was hoping to find a religeous muslim housewife  Cheesy

    Afterwards my dating history has been pretty varied, and because I`m finally comfortable in my apostacy it`s never been a problem. I first dated a chinese guy post apostacy lol, it was interesting as we both came from two very different backgrounds! After which there`s been quite a few!!

    If it`s your friends first time I think the best advice I can give is to just be yourself and if your not comfortable with anything MAKES SURE you make that clear  Afro I don`t think having no relationship experience before 23 is a problem, it`s just meeting new people and trying new things  cool2

    Just have fun and see where it leads  Kiss


    Thanks for sharing your experiences! I wasn't really asking for a friend, it's just that people tend to say that when they ask an "embarassing" or personal question. I'll make sure to be clear about things I'm not comfortable with.

    Quote from: Cornflower on March 15, 2015, 10:35 PM
    Relationships and dating is a mystery for me. I was very shy and prude-ish as a teenager, and got into an arranged marriage at a young age. Now I'm void of any shyness or prude-ish tendencies Grin but I guess some people are just illiterate when it comes to stuff like that. How do people even do it, why does it come so natural for every one else? I simply don't know.


    We're on the same wavelenght, then. I'm one of the most dirty-minded people I know and I'm not shy talking about sex or relationships, but some part of my brain simply shuts down whenever I'm interested in anyone. It's not a male/female thing either cause I've always been perfectly comfortable hanging out with the guys. Illiterate, you say. I think a large part of it is my insecurity, although I never really considered myself an insecure person.
    The future is full of thrilling possibilities.
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #18 - March 22, 2015, 03:03 PM
    Quote from: lua on March 15, 2015, 11:21 PM
    I wish I could give you advice, but it wasn't until later in my college years that I had to put my money where my mouth was regarding Islam, and I had earlier teenage years full of dating. I was a terrible Muslim.

    Asbie, get in here!


    Sounds like some great teenage years! Wink
    btw, Lua, I've picked up that our husband is an apostate now, too. Correct me if I'm wrong, just read that between the lines. If so: awesome! I think...

    Quote from: three on March 16, 2015, 01:41 AM
    Yeah, I cannot help you with this. I can commit, but I cannot date. It seems that all I understand are arrangements.


    Never dated before you got married, three?
    I don't even know whether I'm capable of commitment. The hopeless romantic in me says I do, but that's just my imagination.
    The future is full of thrilling possibilities.
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #19 - March 22, 2015, 03:07 PM
    Quote from: Quod Sum Eris on March 16, 2015, 02:39 AM
    Don't worry about it. Your sex life is your business and if you find someone who isn't understanding dump them. Honestly 23 is still young. There are a lot of good men (or women if that's your thing) out there. Don't let anyone pressure you. It's important you're comfortable.


    The sex part seems like a long way to go. I'm more worried (which is not really the right sentiment but whatever) about the dating part. Thanks though

    Quote from: Naerys on March 16, 2015, 08:58 AM
    No big, happened to me at age 26 Wink


    Quote from: PeruvianSkies on March 16, 2015, 11:37 AM
    Mine happened at 21. Don't worry about your age too much. Just concentrate on growing social skills and confidence.


    this is actually quite a relief. Thanks!

    About the social skills and confidence part: hmpf. check out my answer to Cornflower.
    The future is full of thrilling possibilities.
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #20 - March 22, 2015, 03:23 PM
    Quote from: Trustworthy on March 22, 2015, 03:03 PM
    Sounds like some great teenage years! Wink
    btw, Lua, I've picked up that our husband is an apostate now, too. Correct me if I'm wrong, just read that between the lines. If so: awesome! I think...


    Yes, he is, and although I'm sure it was gradual, to me it seemed like it was out of nowhere. Grin

    As for dating, it sounds tough and overwhelming when you first start, but it's really not too bad. Some guy will probably take you for a meal or a drink, you'll talk, you'll see if anything's there, and take it one step at a time, no big deal at all.  yes You'll do great.
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #21 - March 22, 2015, 04:00 PM
    ^ But what if the date part never happens? I don't know in what world you guys live in, or rather it's me who's living in a crazy world, but getting a date is more or less impossible mysmilie_977  The actual date isn't something very complicated. Getting one, though... Grin
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #22 - March 22, 2015, 04:06 PM
    Apparently you live in some magical land where a woman as gorgeous as you are can actually like walk to the store without getting harassed by interested men, so that's not what I'm used to. Grin

    But good places for finding a date when you're not in a place where black is white and up is down would be at work or school, or, I find if you are out and about in public and you look friendly and open (smile when you make eye contact with someone, don't be on your phone, blah blah), people find you more approachable and are more likely to come up to you.

    Thinking back, most of the men I dated came from school or work, but there have been a fair few who were just chance encounters. I get fewer of them now that I keep my head down and power walk through my grocery shopping with my phone to my ear. Grin
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #23 - March 22, 2015, 04:13 PM
    Nope, has never happened. I guess I'm just unapproachable Huh?

    Tongue
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #24 - March 22, 2015, 04:22 PM
    You might also just be intimidating to the poor guys.

    But making eye contact and giving a smile can be really reassuring and inviting in public, and make you seem more approachable, and maybe make an interested man a little bit bolder and more likely to come up and chat.

    Or just trade places with me and I'll enjoy the non-company of the aloof men of your country and you can be here, fending the men off with a stick.
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #25 - March 22, 2015, 04:26 PM
    Hhhhhh the stick part sounds tempting Cheesy
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #26 - March 22, 2015, 07:40 PM
    How about asking a guy out?
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #27 - March 22, 2015, 07:41 PM
    She's scared I'll say no. Bless.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #28 - March 22, 2015, 07:45 PM
    But seriously, I don't think I would ever ask someone out, I'm already convinced they would say no. I have issues with rejection.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Relationship post-Islam
     Reply #29 - March 22, 2015, 07:57 PM
    So did I. I just made my best guess on someone who probably wouldn't say no. It worked out. Now I'm a bit less scared (still scared) but if necessary I could do it in future.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
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