Hello to all of you fabulous ex-muslims,
I'm Sachi (fake name or not you decide) and I'm considering to be a part of you guys. This is gonna be a long essay, but just know that I am in real need of your help and would love if you share any of your experiences or even comment about what I've to say about leaving Islam :3
Throughout my 16 years of living, I have always been reminded constantly about the sheer 'importance' of Islam. I was raised in England and have been through all the Islamic classes, prayed, fasted, all of that, and well, i moved to Malaysia and started wearing a hijab. I only ever had doubts about Islam (which I tried to deny) when I started to find contradictions about Islam, such as the fact you can't kill someone since it's like killing the whole of mankind... Yet you can mercilessly slaughter all of the non muslims. Genders in Islam are perfectly equal... But only men can marry multiple wives and can beat their wives. Of course women cannot do this, but anyway, the genders are perfectly equal.
It was like being in the story of Animal Farm, by George Orwell. You think you're in good hands but in reality, you're surrounded by manipulative pigs who take advantage of how much you rely on them. You could've studied it harder, you could've looked at the broader picture. But you didn't. You let yourself become a part of their scheme. It's like this:
'All animals are equal. But some animals are more equal than others.'
I tried reaching out to my best friend who was also Muslim in England but she did not appreciate my change of heart and encouraged I stayed. So I stayed.
A few months later, I had my doubts again. I examined the people, the world around me, who were all supposedly Islamic.
We can't touch boys in Islam. Yet why are all my classmates making contact with them? You can only show your face and palms. Yet why are they dressing up while showing more than needs be in an Islamic country? We're supposed to pray Zuhr after school, else you get a sin. Yet why was I the only one showing up at the surau?
'I'm letting myself be influenced by them,' I told myself, 'it doesn't matter anyway, I am a strong muslim, unlike them.'
But why was it that I felt inferior, almost stupid looking to keep the faith that everyone was sub consciously losing, yet denying?
I felt alone in all this, considering the prospect of leaving. So I checked the internet and boom, found there's you guys who can be able to help, hopefully
I also found that Islam is really... Fucked up. Islamic schools have always been fabricating everything and manipulating tiny facts and bringing them out and saying 'Oh what a beautiful phrase this is, Islam is so beautiful'. When in reality, Islam is quite dark...
Many people in my country, I think, do not fully undergo the more vigilant practices of Islam. Hell, they might be denying it like I did. Many claim that they are Muslim but they do not practice Islam, which I think is wrong to do so. What's the point of lying to yourself?
I want to embrace this new change of heart, although it will damage my relationships with people greatly. My family is quite strict in terms of Islam as well... But I feel like by starting this I will cause a ripple effect, a change in my family history.
As cheesy as it sounds, I will be looking forward to raise my children without having to shove religion down their throats like what happened to me. They will be glad they have their free choice to choose what to believe in, and well, I am glad to have admitted to myself that I do not need a religion to keep me on my feet. :3
If any of you are Malaysian, please PM me, I would love to know who you are. And if you'd like to suggest to me about how I can go about making this dramatic change (mind you, this means getting rid of the hijab, confessing to my family eventually and maybe changing habits) please also PM me, I would gladly appreciate any feedback :3
Thanks for reading!
Topic: Hey you guys