Ex-muslim really need your guidance.
OP - April 22, 2015, 06:24 AM
Hello,
I am an ex-muslim who has recently moved to Melbourne, Australia from Pakistan on student visa, to study at Swinburne University of Technology.
I am writing you in a hope that somebody will guide me what to do regarding the stress, depression and issues I am facing.
First of all, I belong to a family which is way too Islamic who follows every single islamic law and consider Islam the only right religion, they even think that laws like killing Shite muslims, or to kill anyone who disrespect their Muhammad is correct. You can imagine how strong their believes toward Islam are by the fact that my parents goes to perform Hajj (Pilgrimage in Makkah) every year and waste thousand of dollars on it, My parents had took every single of my sibling to perform Hajj as well but I always made some excuse to avoid it...due to their strong faith towards Islam I had to suffer a lot back in Pakistan.
My father, who is a very strong muslim, had forced me to follow Islamic rituals, rules and everything else which i always hated. for Example, back in Pakistan I wasn't allowed to wear shorts that exposes my knees, I wasn't allowed to keep the goatee, I wasn't allowed to bring or to play any Musical instrument, and I have been forced to wake up every morning at 4 or 5 am and to go to mosque to offer Namaz (pray), which I always hated, fast for the entire month every year, spend every thursday in the mosque and listen for islamic lectures and many more. These are just of the thing that had made my life really miserable, and I was so depressed and stressed that I decided to kill myself on various instances.
All this may sound like nothing to you but I always wanted to get out of this misery this is why I wanted to leave Pakistan, because if someone in Pakistan or in my family had realized that I have left my religion then I have no idea how they would have treated me, or even kill me, this is why I had to follow every Islamic ritual unwillingly. Besides, I think someone has already told my parents that I have converted into atheist, because I used to write tweets on Twitter and posts on Facebook about Human evolution, and how religion had destroyed everything, and someone might have told them that. The other reason that I suspect that he knows I am an atheist is that, when I moved to Melbourne two months ago, I stopped offering prayer, ate pork like dozen times already and have eaten all sort of food that is forbidden in Islam, and I have a suspection that my roommates who knows my father really well may have told him, but I am not sure about it. One of my roommate is my friend from Pakistan and I have known him for over 4 years and he had met my father in Pakistan quite many times in the past.
My father also asks me on the phone to come visit them in June during my vacation, and if i won't visit (I could delay this visit till december, but no later than that).
In the start my father used to call me like twice a day but for the past few weeks his behavior has entirely changed, and he has stopped calling me (now he calls me like once or twice a week), and he tone has entirely changed too (not very rude tone, but its different than usual, and whenever he call me, he ask me if i am offering prayers 5times a day or not, and I always say YES (i have to).
I would also like to say that I am not leaving Islam because of my father, I am leaving islam because there is no such thing as religion or god, and I strongly believe in Science than on god, and that the religion is created by humans.
Now I have moved to Australia and studying Masters at Swinburne, but I am studying it on my father's money. I want to keep studying what I am studying because education is my very strong aspect, I have a Bachelors degree in Science, beside this I am a very good computer programmer.
I never want to go back to Pakistan either. But since my Parents are funding my education, I cannot tell them I am an atheist (which I really want to tell).
Now I don't know what to do.
If I tell my parents that I am an atheist (considering that they don't know this already) so that I can freely leave Islam, then they would completely cut me off, but If i won't pay my tuition at Swinburne then they will expel me from the University.
I cannot earn and pay the tuition fee myself because I am only allowed to work 20 hours / week or 40 hours / fortnight which is way too less to cover the expenses and I do not want to break any law and work more than 20 hours.
No, I do not want any financial help or anything, I just need your guidance so that I can get rid from Islam and this stress and depression once for all and come out freely as an atheist to the world.
What are my options ? What can I do ?
Please guide me.
Waiting for your reply.
Topic: Ex-muslim really need your guidance.