I really appreciate the advice most of which are conclusions I arrived at myself also. Unfortunately I have been playing the patient no rush game for the last year but my wife isn't playing too. In fact she has brought round half the sheikh in Leicester to get me back on the straight path. She is scared that Allah will punish her for staying married to me.
I am like you suggested dragging it out as long as I can but she keeps putting on the thumb screws and hounds me over wudu and praying now she is laying down the law for Ramadan. I feel like a fraud and I just can't stand to be in the mosque now I feel like a liar to myself. The things you do for your kids eh.
Reality is that life isn't sustainable in this situation from my wife's viewpoint. She wants me pious again and taking her off to haj praying in masjid etc etc
I think I need to be realistic and accept divorce is inevitable short of a miracle and my wife coming around to see logic.
I agree it is probably futile but in a last ditch attempt has anyone got any suggestions how to get through to my wife?
I totally get what you are saying. There is not a word of it I could not truthfully have written myself (apart from the Leicester part.
)
Having done what you are inclined to do, I can only tell you that I now wish I had done things a lot differently. I'm not saying that you will have to stay with her forever. I'm just saying that the freedom that you will gain by coming out to your wife will likely not outweigh, in the long run, all of the hell you will be put through when she realizes apostasy is the reason for your separation.
Think about it this way, from your wife's perspective,
you are the one who is changing.
You are the one with the problem. She is only trying to maintain the status quo and figure out what on earth is happening to you. You seem to her to be doing the one thing that, in her world view, is ultimately unforgivable - the one thing that requires her to protect her family from the most. And that's likely exactly what she will do.
Granted, you may have the law on your side, but as you said yourself, think of the indoctrination your kids will get once she knows she has to "protect their iman" from their "evil kafir father."
So, like I said, my sincere advice (naseeha
) is to go slowly with this whole thing. Don't admit to not believing right off the bat. Even if you need some time to take yourself out of the situation for a while, try to do that without harping on and on about how bad Islam is. It will only trigger her defenses.
I can also say that, chances are, after a few years, you'll gladly pray taraweeh amongst people who don't know the extent of your loss of faith if that was all it took to have a drama-free relationship with your kids. In the mean time, this forum is a fantastic place to vent, rant, and get it all out among people who really do understand.
Topic: divorce and children