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 Topic: Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?

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  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     OP - May 20, 2015, 02:26 PM
    For those of us who have been ex-muslims for at least a few years now and can gauge/speculate about this to some extent. How do you think your life would be different now if you had stayed a Muslim?

    Pros:

    I think its quite possible that I could have become a medical doctor sooner than I might be on pace for at the moment. Medical studies are all about delayed gratification, and this is quite readily reinforced by the narrative of delayed gratification for the rewards of Jannah for believers. Quite simply most of my life from pretty early on in childhood on was spent living for this end, and to a large extent it was what helped me go on throughout whatever I would face. A rather helpful thing for a medical student anyway.

    Cons:

    I don't think if I remained a Muslim I would have developed nearly as tough of a mentality on life as I have since leaving. As a Muslim I had developed a number of ideas about how life ought to be and should be lived. This narrow prism creates for me a number of restrictions about what I can/can't do, severely limiting my scope for personal growth and ability to attain what you want in life. Once I realized that there is no afterlife to make up for whatever you miss out on in this world, it became a lot easier to shrug off whatever made up rules I lived by in hopes of a reward in the future. Without those rules I can be more successful in pursuing whatever goals I have for myself in the real world (i.e. frequent intercourse with as many hot women as possible).

    One might wonder if its better to live with the gentle assurance of a made up positive outcome, or the acceptance of reality and all that entails. For me that's what the difference really comes down to.  Smiley

    Edit: Been an ex-muslim now for the better part of a decade, if that gives any context.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #1 - May 20, 2015, 02:39 PM
    As a determinist, I believe that (in the words of Sartre) we're condemned to be free.

    I have no idea what life would've been like if I had stayed. I can't imagine my life could've taken that path. Maybe it's because I've always been critical of religion, so leaving it was an inevitable conclusion.
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #2 - May 20, 2015, 02:45 PM
    The only pro I miss is how easy it is to make friends with other Muslims when you're a Muslim. Now my personality matters and the quality of my friendship?! What am I supposed to do with that? mysmilie_977

    But really, there's nothing I got from religion that I couldn't find a way to incorporate into my life now. Religion doesn't have a monopoly on purpose, happiness, calmness, etc.
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #3 - May 20, 2015, 03:15 PM
    As a woman, I can literally not see a single thing I miss as a Muslim. Muslim women really are the biggest losers. And setting aside my gender, I still think and believe that I would've missed out on everything if I had stayed a Muslim.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #4 - May 20, 2015, 03:40 PM
    Can't really think of it in terms of pros and cons. If I had remained a Muslim I would be a pretty liberal one, and my day to day life would probably not be that different from my current one, as a relatively independent adult woman. I might have my own family, though. My apostasy has given strength to refuse arranged marriage proposals. If I still believed Islam to be true I might have resigned myself to marry at a much younger age, and I would probably have children (or be trying to have them). Whether I would be happy in said marriage is simply not something I can know.
    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #5 - May 20, 2015, 03:58 PM
    Quote from: lua on May 20, 2015, 02:45 PM
    Now my personality matters and the quality of my friendship?! What am I supposed to do with that? mysmilie_977


    LOL, I agree that getting to know "new" sisters was easy as a Muslim, but I don't think getting new friends is any harder or easier either way. Sure, now you have to put in a little bit of effort to actually meet people (going to the masjid or nearest halaqah isn't an option anymore), but the friendship still depends on who you are. Now at least it's easier to be yourself without the constant judgement. Especially me who was part of the dawah and known as a "student of knowledge". People saw every single thing you did and always had something to say about it.

    And what was the friendship I had with those people worth, when they turned their backs the moment I became a murtad (or mubtadi' hhh) Roll Eyes
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #6 - May 20, 2015, 04:11 PM
    Pros: Freedom to do what I want.

    Cons: Freedom to do what I want.
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #7 - May 20, 2015, 04:22 PM
    pros: a whole bunch of friends that you dont want or need and a clean liver from being t total

    cons:  vitamin deficiency from being wrapped in a cloth all day deprived of sunlight.
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #8 - May 20, 2015, 05:40 PM
    Quote from: Cornflower on May 20, 2015, 03:15 PM
    As a woman, I can literally not see a single thing I miss as a Muslim. Muslim women really are the biggest losers...........

     Oh! you guys specially  women folks  miss lots of things.. one answer is in your post..

    1) Controlled by some control freak from with in the family
    2). Not winning that title of biggest looser  lol
    3). Getting beaten by some brute for not wearing burkha

    Quote from: Hassan on May 20, 2015, 04:11 PM
    Pros: Freedom to do what I want.

    Cons: Freedom to do what I want.

    i don't care as long as you don't hurt others and people around you...  it doesn't matter to me "whether your  freedom control you or you control your freedom.. ".  As long you don't use your freedom to control others  that is good enough.  it is your knife, your tail and your head., whether your cut your tail or cut your head it is up to you.  
    Do not let silence become your legacy.. Question everything   
    I renounced my faith to become a kafir, 
    the beloved betrayed me and turned in to  a Muslim     
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #9 - May 20, 2015, 11:51 PM
    I would be dead. Because as a Muslim, I would have stayed, no matter how twisted he became.
    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #10 - May 21, 2015, 12:02 AM
    Quote from: Cornflower on May 20, 2015, 03:58 PM
    And what was the friendship I had with those people worth


    Okay, that's true. Grin
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #11 - May 21, 2015, 01:07 AM
    Quote from: Cornflower on May 20, 2015, 03:58 PM
    And what was the friendship I had with those people worth


    Business connections.
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #12 - May 21, 2015, 01:07 AM
    Quote from: three on May 20, 2015, 11:51 PM
    I would be dead. Because as a Muslim, I would have stayed, no matter how twisted he became.


     far away hug
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #13 - May 21, 2015, 01:19 AM
    It seems funny to me that entering a religion is when you have the symbolism of being reborn. Because I felt this profound relief and joy to be alive and able to live when I left religion.
    I feel it fiercely every time I run in public.
    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #14 - May 21, 2015, 05:08 AM
    Quote from: three on May 20, 2015, 11:51 PM
    I would be dead. Because as a Muslim, I would have stayed, no matter how twisted he became.


    Yes. I can relate. That's the scary part.
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #15 - May 21, 2015, 12:55 PM
    Yeah it is terrifying. I think I am more frightened by my own former adherence than by anything else Islamic. It has caused a lot of soul searching.
    Don't let Hitler have the street.
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #16 - May 21, 2015, 02:16 PM
     far away hug girls
    He's no friend to the friendless
    And he's the mother of grief
    There's only sorrow for tomorrow
    Surely life is too brief
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #17 - May 21, 2015, 05:28 PM


    You certainly will not be going to hell. Anyone who believes that is being a little ridiculous to think that a supreme being who created all life and that natural wonders of the world would be concerned about something as simplistic as a religion. In any case any just God would never send a person to everlasting hell over decisions made in this temporary existence.

    I am happy for you, that you are finding a way out of Islam.
    Sometimes a girl has to be like the snow, beautiful, but cold...
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #18 - May 21, 2015, 10:40 PM
    Quote from: cutepanda on May 21, 2015, 05:28 PM

    You certainly will not be going to hell. Anyone who believes that is being a little ridiculous to think that a supreme being who created all life and that natural wonders of the world would be concerned about something as simplistic as a religion. In any case any just God would never send a person to everlasting hell over decisions made in this temporary existence.



    this.

    I always find the idea of hell ridiculous because of this argument. If hell was true it would require God to be incredibly parochial, small minded and vindictive, and as such, even in the unlikely event that he does exist, we certainly shouldn't be worshipping him!
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #19 - May 22, 2015, 12:51 AM
    I can't imagine a god that created all of reality even knowing I exist, let alone giving a shit.
    `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
     `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad.  You're mad.'
     `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
     `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #20 - May 22, 2015, 03:08 AM
    You or god giving a shit?
    "The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #21 - May 22, 2015, 09:56 AM
    Pros: wouldn't have any disorders at all (eating disorder and some ptsd), and would have an easier home situation

    Cons: would believe in a God that doesn't exist haha. Nah wouldnt have lots of freedom (as in dressing whatever I want to and doing whatever I want to). Too many rules.
    Dogs never bite me - just humans. ~ M. Monroe

    Religions seem to cause more grief than good.

    Exmuslim Chat
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #22 - May 22, 2015, 03:14 PM
    Pros:

    None.  I've always been a bit weird when it came to making friends, so making friends easy never existed anyway, Muslim or not.

    Cons:

    I probably wouldn't have just completed my Uni degree.  Nor gone to college, nor learned how to drive.

    My eldest son would probably not be doing as well as he is.

    I'd most likely still be with my ex husband, maybe even dead.  or if not with him, remarried to any Muslim man happy to take on the 3 kids I had.

    I'd most likely be miserable, unless I had somehow found a way to suppress my desire to be free (well as free as anyone can be). 


    You know...I don't even like contemplating the pros and cons of this Grin bringing me down just thinking about it.

    I'm out, my life has changed, my mind has changed.  Leaving Islam was one of the 3 best decisions I ever made in my life.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #23 - May 22, 2015, 03:37 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on May 22, 2015, 03:14 PM
    I probably wouldn't have just completed my Uni degree.

    Woohooooo!!!! Congrats!!!  dance dance fest42 banana dance cheers party!
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #24 - May 22, 2015, 03:47 PM
    Thanks Abood.   Afro
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #25 - May 22, 2015, 03:59 PM
    So proud of you habibti hugs
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #26 - May 22, 2015, 04:05 PM
    Thanks Hass.  hugs 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #27 - May 22, 2015, 05:19 PM
    Congrats Berbs!  party!

    Quote from: BerberElla on May 22, 2015, 03:14 PM
    None.  I've always been a bit weird when it came to making friends, so making friends easy never existed anyway, Muslim or not.


    We should hang out and be friends, I would befriend the shit out of you. Or rather, we'd be really friendly or something.

    Hmm, maybe I'm not phrasing this as best as I could. I always had trouble making friends.  grin12
    Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
    how fuck works without shit??


    Let's Play Chess!

    harakaat, friend, RIP
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #28 - May 22, 2015, 05:40 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on May 22, 2015, 03:14 PM
    Pros:

    None.  I've always been a bit weird when it came to making friends, so making friends easy never existed anyway, Muslim or not.

    Cons:

    I probably wouldn't have just completed my Uni degree.  Nor gone to college, nor learned how to drive.

    My eldest son would probably not be doing as well as he is.

    I'd most likely still be with my ex husband, maybe even dead.  or if not with him, remarried to any Muslim man happy to take on the 3 kids I had.

    I'd most likely be miserable, unless I had somehow found a way to suppress my desire to be free (well as free as anyone can be). 


    You know...I don't even like contemplating the pros and cons of this Grin bringing me down just thinking about it.

    I'm out, my life has changed, my mind has changed.  Leaving Islam was one of the 3 best decisions I ever made in my life.




    Congrats Berb.. !!  You have inspired me to make some changes in my misery life lol, you have done so well for yourself.. It's been over 6 long years since i left Islam and all i have done is procrastinate and mope about over it in a depressive state (the reason i haven't move on is because my sis who is a convert also is still trapped in what i believe to be a miserable and semi violent islamic marriage and i feel like i have left her behind :(  ..   time to think about myself i guess so..


    (sorry having a mini ramble lol)

    All the best with your new career..
    xxxx
  • Long-term ex-muslims: How would it be different if I had stayed?
     Reply #29 - May 22, 2015, 05:59 PM
    Quote from: asbie on May 22, 2015, 05:19 PM
    Congrats Berbs!  party!

    We should hang out and be friends, I would befriend the shit out of you. Or rather, we'd be really friendly or something.

    Hmm, maybe I'm not phrasing this as best as I could. I always had trouble making friends.  grin12


    We'd be like bluetoothing friends, everything sent from a short distance.  Grin

    Quote from: suki on May 22, 2015, 05:40 PM
    Congrats Berb.. !!  You have inspired me to make some changes in my misery life lol, you have done so well for yourself.. It's been over 6 long years since i left Islam and all i have done is procrastinate and mope about over it in a depressive state (the reason i haven't move on is because my sis who is a convert also is still trapped in what i believe to be a miserable and semi violent islamic marriage and i feel like i have left her behind :(  ..   time to think about myself i guess so..


    (sorry having a mini ramble lol)

    All the best with your new career..
    xxxx


    I spent years procrastinating in my life, using this forum and other forums to manage through my depressive period.  I still do procrastinate, there is a lot I am still dealing with, years of Islam leaves a huge mark I think.  So don't knock yourself, remember that these 6 years have been part of your journey, and your journey can still go forward, and diverge onto better paths.

    Also, it's not easy leaving a family member making the same mistakes with Islam, but you must care for you too.  Moving forward for yourself may actually be the best thing you can do for your sister.  I know that people around me are changing, some for the better. 

    But moving past depression isn't easy either, so if it takes some more time before you find your feet, don't feel guilty over it.  We do what we do because it is sometimes necessary, even if we don't understand that at the time.  Smiley

    No career yet for me though lol, I have no idea what to do in terms of career right now.  I wanted to go on and do a masters and then my Phd, but I missed the deadline for finance for the Masters, so I am waiting a year, and starting next year. 

    Until then....I am at a loss.  Need to find a job. 
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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