Hi everyone
Its my first time around here so I'm still trying to get the hang of things around here! I'm really happy that theres this online community as I feel very alone about how I feel. Just to share my story (Sorry i know its super long but if your willing to read feel free, I just want to express my views that I've been keeping in for so long):
Both my parents are converts, I was raised in quite a religious household- prayer, fasting, hijab, haram this haram that etc but thankfully as I've gotten older (20 now) my parents aren't as strict as they used to be.
Growing up as a child I had a love-hate relationship with Islam- I hated all the unnecessary rules- music was haram, showing hair was haram, dogs were haram, etc
Around 14 years of age I started researching into Islam as I wanted to see what my parents found in it that was so beautiful, I researched all the beautiful things about Islam including scientific facts of the quran, the miracles, evidence that islam is the truth etc and found my self in love with Islam and was a practising muslim this time without force of my parents. As the years went by I found that practising Islam wasn't easy especially as you get older you get more busy with daily responsibilities.
The first doubt I had about Islam was I didn't understand why dogs were seen as so dirty and haram... I'm a huge animal lover so why would God not allow us to take care of his creatures especially dogs that are dependent on humans, can save humans lives, are trainable and are able to develop such a strong bond with humans etc... as the years went by I questioned many other things that were seen as haram such as having relationships, music, talking to the opposite sex, women needing to cover everything up, plucking eyebrows etc.
This is when I did more research and I found that all these rules were from "hadiths", as I researched more I discovered that these hadiths were written many years after the prophets death and weren't as reliable. I discovered that some hadiths had been rejected & some accepted my muslim scholars! I thought to myself how can I believe in these so called "Gods rules" and sayings of the prophets that have been just spread around like Chinese whispers. So i said to myself I'm only a believer in the quran. I even showed my mum my research as she had the same view point that she rejected some hadiths and as I showed her more she also rejected hadiths and currently she believes in the quran only.
At that point I felt a lot more free, it was so good not feeling guilty about things that you previously thought were "forbidden" by God. From there I told myself now that I only believe in the quran so I need to know what it preaches.
First doudt I had was... I wondered why the quran had so many missing rules but I thought "oh God knew that times would change so he made the quran flexible unlike haidths that were just set out rules"..
2nd... i dared myself to research the "bad" things about the quran...
When i researched into Islam when I was younger I looked at all the "good" things about the quran and never dared to look at the "bad" things in the quran so this time I dared my self. I researched about quran contradictions, errors etc. This was months of researching... first I just came across those hate websites I didnt even wanna read them as they were just hate instead of logic and evidence. But one day I came across this video on youtube called "seven main reasons why i left Islam" I loved how the guy in the video wasn't just bashing Islam but was previously a muslim himself and presented everything in a logical and evidence based way.
At this point I had heaps of doubts I said to myself "would I believe in this book if I wasn't raised into believing it" and I was honest with myself and said "no i wouldnt". I told myself if this book is the real book of God there wouldn't even be 1 error but unfortunately I found heaps.
I toke my quran I had and I started highlighting verses that were wrong- Through more and more research I found contradictions, scientific errors, unethical rules and inequality between the sexes.
I'm happy to say I don't considered my self a muslim anymore.. I've only came out to my best friend but unfortunately I dont know if I ever will come out to my family. I really do want to sit down and talk with my mother as she is open minded but worried about her response. I still wear hijab due to certain reasons but I hate being represented as someone I'm not.
I feel a lot more free, don't feel guilty for simple things, loving life a lot more and don't fear death as much anymore.
This is super long but it felt so good letting that off my chest! Please feel free to share your stories too
Topic: My story to being ex-muslim