introducing myself
OP - January 18, 2016, 02:14 PM
i have joined this forum with a feeling of complete loneliness, and absolute dissociation from the surroundings in which am imprisoned inside, i have joined you because am in need of an ear that can listen and a tolerant mind that can understand.
Being an agnostic myself but leaning more and more toward being an atheist, the question of religion has constituted a dilemma for me all my life, I have been battling with my believes for a long time now, ever since I started university 10 yrs. ago. The problem for me has always been a problem of logic, and the further I think about it the more I’m convinced by the evidence. I don’t believe that there is god and even if there is a god I don’t believe that the religions ( islam and others) are the instructions of such a god if existed. Simply one cannot believe that a supreme being that created life would need our prayers to assert his divinity, and that this being is of a sadistic nature, that he gave us the power to think, to enjoy life, to enjoy sex music and other joys in life just to forbid us of it, just to play a mind game and toy with his creation. I believe if there is such a god and that he took the time and effort to create us with such complexity, that this god would want us use our minds to the fullest, to think and enjoy, not be limited. I understand that the idea of religion is consoling and comforting; it gives people peace of mind by giving them a purpose of their existence. But now days religion has become almost a force of evil and causes more harm than good that it’s no longer sensible to abide by it just for the fear of the unknown.
As I’m struggling with my believes I know that there are answers to be found, and as time goes the gap between what we know and don’t know is getting narrower, although sometimes I think as Camus Albert did that the questions of our existence is absurd one, that like the Sisyphus pushing his rock we would never reach an ending. But at least I know for sure that I have one shot at this life, and I shall make the most of it. I think of myself as humanist and I have a set of moral rules that guide me through my life. They are simple yet sufficient; do no harm to others and share love.
My journey is still going, it has been a bumpy one, I battled with severe depression for 2years and also suffered from social isolation, i have a tolerant parents that both of them are academic but their believe in religion is firm, I had never spoken with them about their believes as I think it’s not fair to push them into skepticism at this stage of their life, I believe if religion grants you peace and happiness it can make the end of life tolerable. I just wish if I was naïve like them. As you must know it was difficult to break away from the childhood indoctrination, The hardest step for me was giving up praying, as I used to believe that praying was my guardian against every harmful thing in the world. I can almost say that I felt like an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) patient breaking away from his obsession, the amount of anxiety and fear that I gone through was tremendous but fortunately logic and sound thinking prevailed. I certainly wish if had some support during my transition it would have made my life easier but gladly I found that support in the written word. I started to surround myself with the writings of Bertrand Russell, Camus Albert, Erich Fromm, Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins and lately Daniel C. Dennett. I also found consolation within the BHA (British humanism Association) materials and talks.
My lonely journey toward enlightenment has made me think about the many others who are going through the same things, who are looking for a way to escape but can’t, and who are in need of guidance and support. I have not been vocal about my agnosticism and I don’t think am coward for that, I just have a rational fear that helps me in self-preservation. I’m sure you know the dangers imposed on anyone who expresses such ideas intheir home countries( mine is Sudan). I wish that one day we will have a tolerant society that has freedom of speech, that someday support groups and atheism associations will be established in every country. Certainly this forum will be a huge support for me and i wish that i can make me friends over here.
Topic: introducing myself