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- A Muslim
- ... Just a scary ex-Muslim. Boo!
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Hi!
Reply #90 - June 22, 2016, 03:18 AM

What have you been doubting about Islam sister?

Ahl as-sunnah wal-jamāʻah and following the way of the Salaf. - nope, not anymore.
- CarnageScarlet
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Reply #91 - June 22, 2016, 04:35 AM

Quote from: AutumnButterfly on June 22, 2016, 01:25 AM
^I didn't mean to come out at this time. My father just asked me questions about my faith and I couldn't lie about them. It was obvious that I didn't believe anymore.

Anyway, I talked to my mother today. It wasn't really a talk, she already knew about my apostasy via my father. I didn't really have to say anything She said that I should try to look for a place to stay (when I get a job, she wants me to look for one) as she doesn't want a "disbeliever" in the house and that I know what where I'll end up eventually and that I apparently can't be buried.

When I said I wasn't going to leave and that I won't be looking for another place, she said I didn't have a say in that because she pays the rent and its her house and since I'm 19 she's not responsible for me.

A few days ago, my father said that he won't let her put me out but I don't know how he would convince her to keep me.

I feel numb but I was expecting this.

My father just said the same thing to me. I live near a mosque and so my family thinks it is bringing the Azab of Allah upon the house if someone who dares question Allah stays under his roof. I basically cried all last night wondering where I can go. This is not the first time my parents have asked me to leave though so I hope they forget about it. The reality is my father has been threatening to disown me ever since I was 6 years old but since we moved to Australia the physical abuse hasn't been that common. Last night as my brother argued that I was insane and ungrateful for claiming a life of abuse my father walked up and proved him wrong my choking me for no reason other than saying I don't really believe in God and from the outside I can see that Islam is creating a lot of the worlds problems.

Even though I have tried to believe, prayed 5 times a day for the past 15 years it doesn't matter to them. I just didn't try hard enough. I feel so alone. I feel betrayed and like my mother said. "If you disbelieve no-one will ever love you". It's kind of true. If my family cuts me out at 22 years old what do I really have? My freedom.... but I'll have to drop my studies and get a job for minimum wage, try fit in to a non-muslim society which is so vastly different from the one I grew up in. I literally haven't slept all last night and its 2pm now.

I had a heated debate with my brother that ended with him asking me what the meaning of life is. I told him its whatever you want it to be. You can be a comedian, an animator, a dancer, a musician, an author, anything really... but within Islam you're freedom is dependent upon your family or Imam or Amir or whatever... For example I want to develop Augmented Reality media applications but within the Islamic framework there exist a thousand restrictions e.g. dont have western music, dont draw eyes (or faces depending on your school of thought), dont waste time on pure entertainment products (e.g. music, movies, video games), if you're telling a story make sure to manipulate the narrative to support/beautify Islam religious viewpoints (like the hijab). So my brother responded by spewing this nonsense "I asked an illogical question that every human beings asks and you really think you can answer it with logical reasoning... the answer is the only meaning of life is to worship Allah." To which I asked "Why? Why is the purpose of life to submit my freedoms to Allah?" To which he said "I dont know.... but you are ungrateful if you dont see the beauty of the world (nature, technology etc) and acknowledge that it is a gift from the most merciful" And then my brother basically said that if I don't see how beauty=Allah(Muhammeds explanation for everything he couldnt explain) then I deserve to burn in hell for eternity.

So to reiterate "I can tell you WHAT the meaning of life is. But if you dare ask WHY then you are basically Hitler and no longer part of our tribe."
- jrg
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Reply #92 - June 22, 2016, 06:18 AM

AutumnButterfly I was wondering how you're getting on. On one hand I'm glad to hear there's progress. On the other it saddens me to hear what your mother said. We're here for you all the way
- Ursus
- Godless heathen
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Reply #93 - June 22, 2016, 07:09 AM

Quote
On an unrelated note, he asked me if I was seeing anyone and that if I was, would tell him about it. I replied no and yes... which were both lies so now I feel horrible about that.

As a parent I feel funny about this.

I would like to know, but I'm fully aware that I have no right to know.
You are an adult, physically, mentally and legally, and it is up to you to decide what information you choose to share with your parents.

IMHO you did not "lie" to your father. He put you in a position where he asked for information that you did not want to share, and you didn't.

To both you and CarnageScarlet.
You have all my best wishes. It horrifies my parental instincts that superstition and cult mentality can make anybody treat their children that way!

And no, you are not going to spend the rest of your lives flipping burgers or being prostitutes.
But it is one helluva threat, right? And "they" want you to believe, that you are lost if you leave the cult.

But people have worked their way through education on their own before.
It is tough, and you will have to work with a tight economy, but it is possible.

Freedom is not cheap and it is dangerous. But I would choose "dangerous freedom" over "comfortable slavery" any day!

And CarnageScarlet: Choking people is life threatening. Be VERY careful, and be prepared to go to the police.
If it ever leaves marks on your neck or petechiae on your face or the white of the eyes, the assault has been life threatening. Get out at once and go to the police.
Be prepared, and start considering/planning your exit strategy. There are some really good links on the front page.
- puzzlelover
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Reply #94 - June 22, 2016, 01:25 PM

AutumnB: Sorry to hear your mum's reaction. I hope she cools off, but in the meanwhile explore your alternatives and I am sure you will reach your goals, even if it takes a little longer now.

CarrnageScarlet: Do be careful in your situation. It could get dicey. You too need to have a backup plan.
There are others here who have similar experiences. Please check the private message I sent you.

to you both
- CarnageScarlet
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Reply #95 - June 22, 2016, 03:02 PM

Thank you for all the kind messages and sorry for hijacking your post Autumn... I hope you know that you deserve the freedom you're looking for.

I went out to a friends house for Iftar and we sort of talked about what happened, although I skirted around the messy parts it really helped to talk to someone.
My family is acting like nothing happened... I think they are kind of ashamed since my mother asked me to sit down and was talking about... maybe going on a holiday, as a family. My father even said he loves me and kissed my forehead. Sometimes I honestly forget that side of my father ever existed.

I think I'm actually in a good place right now... probably the best case scenario considering how things were last night. I've been in this situation before and will probably be here again. Either way I plan on moving out soon. My family is just unstable and in this house I don't feel like I can grow as a person.

I really do appreciate the support guys.
- AutumnButterfly
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Reply #96 - June 22, 2016, 03:40 PM

@AMuslim Mainly it was the misogyny and I just plain don't believe it anymore and not just for that factor.

@Carnage Scarlet This is only the second time my thread was hijacked, haha. I hope everything goes well for you.

Thank you everyone for the support! I kind of wish I came out on my own terms but I was terrible at pretending to be Muslim and it was painful to do so anyway
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