Another newbie jumping on board
OP - July 16, 2016, 07:16 PM
Hi everyone!
I'm KC, female. I feel it would be inaccurate to describe myself as an ex-Muslim as I don't feel I was ever Muslim to begin with. My background is mixed i.e. white/SE Asian/E Asian and I was raised in a town that was practically all white. There was one Muslim boy in my class in primary. Although never raised to be religious in any way (never taught Arabic or praying etc) as I grew older some of my siblings began getting into Islam and tried to force it on me introduce me to it.
I can remember spending some time at one married sister's house and her teaching me to pray. At first I happy to give it a go, because why not, but honestly, while going through the motions, all the prostrations and whatnot, I felt nothing. I did not feel connected with God and to tell the truth it felt like a chore, having to do all the washing beforehand and stuff. I do feel that there's a God, higher power, whatever you want to call it, but I never found God by all those OCD rituals. Sorry, I don't mean that in an insulting way.
My parents are now deceased and I don't have contact with most of my siblings, so I feel quite lucky in that I don't have to justify myself to anyone. It makes me sad when I see some of the posts on here with people getting pressure from their families because of their feelings about Islam.
There are many other reasons that stopped me from embracing it as a religion but chiefly it is the gross misogyny within Islam. I actually stumble upon this website sometime last summer when I became so disgusted at the very concept of a headscarf and I found a post on here stating all the reasons why it is so vile and oppressive. Because I worked in a town with a large Muslim+S Asian population, my surname automatically led colleagues (both Muslim and non Muslim) to assume I was Muslim too. I never had the courage to correct them and just played along. I would just pretend I understood when I heard them using terms like "nikar" and "desi" and stuff. I'm still not even sure what desi means - South Asian?? Lol. Sorry if this turned into a rant, but it feels good to finally have this weight off my shoulders of pretending to be something I'm not.
I lost myself
I think I need someone in here?
I know I'm sane
But still my daemon calls me
Topic: Another newbie jumping on board