This is Beeh

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- Bee
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This is Beeh
OP - July 25, 2016, 03:27 PM

Hello. I just jumped in here so I will now formally introduce myself.

I had my story in the shelter part. I am not going to repeat my entire story.

I am formerly catholic and happy to be out of that. My family were not so great with that but were tolerant. I am still a christian but on my own terms.

In college I had a Saudi boyfriend who was a foreign student. He wanted to marry me. He was telling me he wanted to be a Christian but somehow he changed his mind and told me that I should become a muslim. His family was threatening him if he tried to convert. He was afraid. Some of his family came and they tried to convert me and marry me to him and take me away. I ran away from them. He and his family consider me to be a muslim and married to him even if I did not know what was happening and it was not legal in my country. Later he told me he was divorcing me and then he changed his mind. Some of his friends grabbed me and he tried to sexually assault me (Canada different laws than rape). Because it happened on college property he was then told he coild never talk to me or be in the same room alone with me.

My family never explained anything. I managed to talk with him a few times after. He told me that he would send for me in a while. He was going back home. I never heard from him again so I thought he was lying and did not love me.

I found out after my mother died that he had been writing to me but my family never gave me the letters. I heard he had spent more than five years and much money trying to get my papers to take me to Saudi Arabia. Even Saudi government questioned the marriage. I also heard that he had another wife and children and never bothered to tell me when he was trying to marry me. Also that in his family they give their exwives to their other relatives to keep them in their tribe. So somehow I was given to someone else and never knew about it.

For some reason his family showed up one day out of the blue and were trying to convince me to come with them. Of course I refused and someone told me that they were actually planning to kill me. They were angry that I was not a good muslim which I never really was. Nothing from them for years since that.

I feel sad that he suffered so much. Also I am angry that my family destroyed our relationship. I am also angry that he was not honest with me. The whole situation just made everyone sad or angry. That is not what love should be like.

A while ago I started to think about him and wonder if we could be together again. I wanted to understand what had happened to me. I read the quran and I was really shocked. I hate islam and I know that he hated it too but really gave up trying to leave because his family ties were too strong.

The unreligion, only one calorie
- puzzlelover
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Reply #1 - July 25, 2016, 03:46 PM

Hello Bee, welcome to the Forum.

If, as you say you hate Islam, getting involved with this guy, who not only has a family with kids now, but apparently an extended family network, who are willing to do violence to you.... is a bad idea, IMHO you should be thanking your family for saving you from the fate of being delivered to other members of his tribe etc etc.

You really seem to hold conflicting views and need some serious help in sorting this out. Maybe the others can be more helpful than me.

All good wishes.
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Reply #2 - July 25, 2016, 04:23 PM

I saw that you gave some good advice on another thread about depression
Quote from: Bee on July 25, 2016, 01:31 PM
......
Having some special project to work on also helps. I try to help other people and finding out that some people have a worse situation than you do and they seem happy does seem to make you feel like you have to put your life into perspective. You have to get a support system of friends or family who will help you change your situation. I remember living at home, working at a job I hated and having no boyfriend and I felt like I just had to endure it all. It took a while bit the situation changed...

You have to let go of the past. The complications around your previous love affair are not fixable. Join some clubs/associations and meet new people. You may even meet another man, if not directly, then through your new contacts. That is, if that's what you want. Even if a woman is single today, she can lead a fulfilling life,
Best wishes.
- Bee
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Reply #3 - July 25, 2016, 05:50 PM

If I could tell him something, maybe he would even be on this forum.......

I am sorry for what my family did. What your family did was wrong too. I am sorry I made you think that if you did not become a Christian that I could never love you. I never would have been happy pretending to be a muslim and living in Saudi Arabia with you. I would have missed my friends and family. I know if you had moved to my country that you would have missed your friends and family.

I am sorry for all the years that you suffered because we could not be together. I am sorry about how you found out that I married finally. I think I saw you that time and you looked like you were going to cry and you went away. We never got to talk. I never really got to say goodbye to you either. We never got to be happy together or share anything. I thought you stopped loving me.

I hope you have a beautiful life. I hope you are married and have a wife who loves you. I hope your children are grown up fine and are happy.

Yes this is a situation that was not fixable.

Religion sucks.

The unreligion, only one calorie
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Re: This is Beeh
Reply #4 - July 25, 2016, 05:58 PM

Quote from: Bee on July 25, 2016, 05:50 PM
If I could tell him something, maybe he would even be on this forum.......

I am sorry for what my family did. What your family did was wrong too. I am sorry I made you think that if you did not become a Christian that I could never love you. I never would have been happy pretending to be a muslim and living in Saudi Arabia with you. I would have missed my friends and family. I know if you had moved to my country that you would have missed your friends and family.

I am sorry for all the years that you suffered because we could not be together. I am sorry about how you found out that I married finally. I think I saw you that time and you looked like you were going to cry and you went away. We never got to talk. I never really got to say goodbye to you either. We never got to be happy together or share anything. I thought you stopped loving me.

I hope you have a beautiful life. I hope you are married and have a wife who loves you. I hope your children are grown up fine and are happy.

Yes this is a situation that was not fixable.

Religion sucks.

That is the mature way to handle it Bee.... Good Luck and keep posting. There is a very great group of people on this board. Do listen to their views.
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Reply #5 - July 25, 2016, 06:04 PM

Welcome to the forum Bee. Have a rabbit!

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- envixer
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Reply #6 - July 25, 2016, 09:04 PM

Hi Bee!

The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable if you're one of the facts that needs altering
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Reply #7 - July 25, 2016, 09:11 PM

Tell him to BUZZ off...

...seriously. As candid as this is you're the fool if you go back to him. Move on.

Pollinate elsewhere. Your honey is much too precious to be wasted on him.

Have a unicorn:

No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
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Reply #8 - July 25, 2016, 11:12 PM

Quote from: Bee on July 25, 2016, 03:27 PM

A while ago I started to think about him and wonder if we could be together again. I wanted to understand what had happened to me. I read the quran and I was really shocked. I hate islam and I know that he hated it too but really gave up trying to leave because his family ties were too strong.

If he can not free himself from this mental and physical prison, and shows no more interest in doing so, why do you have any interest in joining him in it as a fellow inmate? Bad news is written all over this situation. Save yourself the trouble and move on.
- Bee
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Reply #9 - July 26, 2016, 01:24 PM

I honestly did not think that living in Saudi Arabia could have been that bad when I was young. I thought it would modernize just like the rest of the world. True there are shopping malls there and beautiful buildings in then present day but my home would be a prison along with him. Now we have the internet and I can learn so much more.

What is also sad about his situation. He could have had the opportunity to move away and get a job somewhere else. His family had everyone work in the family business so if he left he would have been cut off financially and on his own. He just never believed in himself. Even at college he would cheat and fail almost every exam. Maybe it was a way of stalling going home but maybe he just never believed in himself. He was broken by the rote learning and beating. He was living with a muslim family who was abusing him and controlling every aspect of his life.

I hope no one here is thinking about getting married as a way of escape. Using another person is really bad. My family would have helped him if he had seemed sincerely in need and asked for help. It would have meant some financial hardship for him and some hard work. If people do not understand that leaving your family is hard but others here I am sure did it.

Yes I should move on. But I felt nothing was ever concluded about this relationship. So closure is coming but it will take some thought and time. Even after so many years.

The unreligion, only one calorie
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Reply #10 - July 26, 2016, 03:38 PM

Welcome aboard!
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Reply #11 - July 26, 2016, 09:19 PM

you had a lucky escape. you deserve better.
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Reply #12 - July 27, 2016, 12:25 AM

I am so sorry for what happened to you. I am, at the same time, glad you are/were not with him. A relationship without full disclosure is a sad caricature of what it should be.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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