new ex muslim from US

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- zoya
- Ex-Muslim
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new ex muslim from US
OP - August 11, 2016, 03:37 AM

Hello, my name is zoya and I am a 16 y/o Pakistani-American ex Muslim.

Not much to say, you already know why I'm here. Pretty sure I left Islam because of my highly abusive mother and how Islam was portrayed to me. I do like some aspects of the religion though that promote peace and tolerance, and fortunately these are the things my father focuses on more.

My parents (and by that I mean my mother) are kind of strict but my situation doesn't seem so bad compared to others' on here.

I do occasionally get bouts of depression because I feel conflicted about what I'm going to do once I move out. I know that if I come out, my family will not want to talk to me again and I'll feel guilty for doing "haram" things because it will disappoint the family members I actually care about. But if I keep lying and pretend to be Muslim, I'll be able to see my family but will continue to feel suffocated and isolated. I hope to find support on here from people who are experiencing a similar dilemma.

I look forward to meeting some of y'all
- olweasel
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Reply #1 - August 11, 2016, 03:45 AM

Greetings, from another Paki ex-Muslim in the US.

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well."
- Robert Louis Stevenson
- Jedi
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Reply #2 - August 11, 2016, 10:24 AM

'Paki' I'm glad we are so casual here.

Quote from: zoya on August 11, 2016, 03:37 AM

I do occasionally get bouts of depression because I feel conflicted about what I'm going to do once I move out. I know that if I come out, my family will not want to talk to me again and I'll feel guilty for doing "haram" things because it will disappoint the family members I actually care about. But if I keep lying and pretend to be Muslim, I'll be able to see my family but will continue to feel suffocated and isolated. I hope to find support on here from people who are experiencing a similar dilemma.

Don't do anything rash, get your education, get a job, get financially secured and then do something about your situation.

One place were you can find true freedom is in your mind - vent on this forum all you want.

No free mixing of the sexes is permitted on these forums or via PM or the various chat groups that are operating.

Women must write modestly and all men must lower their case.

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?425649-Have-some-Hayaa-%28modesty-shame%29-people!
- olweasel
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Reply #3 - August 11, 2016, 05:59 PM

Quote from: Jedi on August 11, 2016, 10:24 AM
Don't do anything rash, get your education, get a job, get financially secured and then do something about your situation.

One place were you can find true freedom is in your mind - vent on this forum all you want.

I'd like to add:

Make it a priority to try to get a job now, any job, if your parents will allow you to work. Having work experience is very important. You also want to start saving for when you're going to move out.

Look into vocational training programs, if those are offered at your high school.

If you decide to go to college, pick a major that will allow you to get a professional job immediately after you graduate.

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well."
- Robert Louis Stevenson
- three
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Reply #4 - August 12, 2016, 01:27 AM

Welcome!
There are many here who have gone through the same situation. You are in good company.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
- zoya
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Reply #5 - August 12, 2016, 12:19 PM

Quote from: olweasel on August 11, 2016, 05:59 PM
Make it a priority to try to get a job now, any job, if your parents will allow you to work. Having work experience is very important. You also want to start saving for when you're going to move out.

I do have a job now, I don't make very much but it's something and I put every single paycheck into a savings account for when I move out. I do plan to go to college and work throughout. But I do plan on getting a professional degree, but I also think I will be able to secure a part time job during then with my undergraduate degree.
- Zimriel
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Reply #6 - August 12, 2016, 10:31 PM

Quote from: zoya on August 11, 2016, 03:37 AM
Pretty sure I left Islam because of my highly abusive mother and how Islam was portrayed to me. I do like some aspects of the religion though that promote peace and tolerance, and fortunately these are the things my father focuses on more.

Interesting in that often we hear the reverse here: overbearing father, mother barely heard from. This was a theme in Fatima Rifqa Bary's book also (although she'd converted to Christianity, not to atheism).

Is your father Sufi, if that's not too personal a question?
- zoya
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Reply #7 - August 12, 2016, 11:59 PM

@Zimriel no problem, it's not that personal of a question. He is not Sufi, he is still a pretty average moderate Muslim. He's very strong in his own values but also open minded. Right now, if I try to argue with him about certain topics he'll get overly defensive and yell but he says that once I'm "old enough" he'll let me decide what I believe for myself. He definitely wants me to be Muslim and will be heartbroken if I'm not, but he will still be accepting of me and I know at least one of my brothers will be too.
- Cheetah
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Reply #8 - August 13, 2016, 01:14 AM

Welcome to the forum Zoya.

"Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny." - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
- abidali2018240
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Reply #9 - August 13, 2016, 01:25 AM

Live like abd-allah ibn ubayy and have fun.
pretend to be a muslim, its fun.
resist, if there is too much pressure to pray and spend time in islamic shit.

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- abidali2018240
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Reply #10 - August 13, 2016, 01:26 AM

prayer is like masturbation.
it makes you feel good for short time.

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- asbie
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Reply #11 - August 13, 2016, 01:39 AM

Welcome to the forum zoya. Have a rabbit!

I'm sorry to hear about the guilt and depression you sometimes feel. But know that you are not alone, and many people here have/had gone through what you do. I'm also an American ex-Muslim with Pakistani heritage. Anyway, I hope to see more from you here!

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- Quod Sum Eris
- King of the
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Reply #12 - August 14, 2016, 09:58 AM

Welcome.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- ElToro
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Reply #13 - August 14, 2016, 07:49 PM

Welcome zoya,

I would recommend you to keep it secret for a while. I hope you don't have to pretend to pray or fast.
After finishing high school you could try to find a university / college outside of your home town and live your freedom there
- puzzlelover
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Reply #14 - August 14, 2016, 07:51 PM

Welcome zoya
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