Hello there!
I would like to meet other ex-Muslims, especially those from Malaysia and those who live in Canada. To learn about me, you may read the following:
TESTIMONY OF LEAVING ISLAM Before you read my story below, I would like you to know that a lot of details are omitted to prevent people finding out who I am, etc. Some individuals and organizations may use my detailed info to hurt me in some way – just because I do not think Islam is right for me.
My parents made Malaysia their permanent home and that is where I was born and raised. By the laws in Malaysia, whoever is Malay or has a Malay ethnic background, they have to be Muslim. Since my dad is Malay, our whole family in Malaysia was registered as Muslim and we had no other choice but to be Muslim.
In regular school (from grade 1 to university), we had to learn Islam over and over. From age 8-11, I was also sent to religious school (every day except weekends) in addition to regular school, which I hated! I hate to wear the veil because it is hot and humid all year long in Malaysia. I recall making fun of the teacher in religious school at the age of 11 because she kept on talking about nonsense (which she seemed to believe in). At least I just went to religious school from age 8-11 (other kids go from age 7-12). I probably started late because my parents wanted to see if I could handle regular school alone. I quit at age 11 because I wanted to do sports and the religious school’s headmaster didn’t want to let me take leave for sports practice. So my parents said, “Hey! quit then”, which is good. My siblings had to go up to age 12. But they were in a religious school that was only 3 times a week and only 2 hours a day instead of 4-5 hours.
In addition to all that, my parents insisted I learn the Koran. I hated that too because I hated reading Arabic and I have no idea what it is about. So what is the point of it? My parents just wanted me to be able to do well in religious studies at school and not feel left out among other children in Malaysia. I used to make the Koran teachers want to quit coming to our house to teach. My mom has a lot of stories to tell when it comes to me making the Koran teachers want to quit. Later on, my dad would have a cane out (to beat me) to make sure I was learning the Koran and not making the teachers want to quit. This is another thing I used to do when I changed teachers (because I made them quit by giving them a hard time) I used to flip the pages of the Koran a whole lot (hundreds of pages) and mark the page there as where the last teacher stopped. So, the new teacher would start a page, which is hundreds of pages after the one I last read. That way I finished the Koran fast and didn’t have to worry about wasting time on nonsense. Sometimes, I would do the same thing even if I didn’t change teachers. I would try to trick the same teacher. Anyway, my parents still think I managed to go through the whole book.
Since I was young, I was doubtful about this whole Islam thing. With all the bizarre things going on according to the religious teachers and its difficult rituals, Islam was a nightmare to me. I recall one day (probably when I was about 11 yrs old) the Koran teacher was telling me we should believe in Allah, the prophets, the 4 books, etc. I told him that we only have to “believe” in them without knowing if they exist?! So, he must believe in them without knowing if they exist.
In all schools, the teachers used to teach us that all non-Muslims (kafirs) are going to hell. When I told my parents this, they got mad. They said that isn’t true. The teachers are not God to judge who is going to hell or not. I think my parents just think the Koran teaches good things but they don’t know themselves what is in there because they didn’t study it. During my dad’s time, no religious studies were taught in school.
For secondary school, I went to a school that is multi-racial and multi-religion. I began to make friends with people that were not Muslim. They were very nice people. Nicer than the Muslims. They always respected me and never forced me to do anything religion wise. The Muslims were forcing me to practice Islam and giving me a hard time. I finally realized that something was wrong with the idea that all Muslims will end up in heaven one day but never the non-Muslims. So, I decided that Islam is nonsense. Why is it that good people go to hell and bad ones go to heaven? Just because of what religion they follow? Not everyone is given the same chance to learn Islam. I realized my true friends in secondary school were never Muslim.
A factor that contributed towards me leaving Islam is the fact that women HAVE to wear veils. They claim it is so that men don’t look at sexy women etc. It is to protect the women from men staring at them etc. Well hey, there are Muslim men that turn me on/get me sexually aroused and they don’t have to wear a veil and cover up! I wish they would so that I can concentrate on other things rather than them. But this isn’t in Islam for the men.
When I was in my last year in secondary school, we had to take the national exams. For Islamic Education I had to study about marriage in detail to do well. So, I learnt all the stuff and got the highest grade anyone can get for Islamic Education. And guess what? Because I know it so well, I know that there is a lot of discrimination against women in Islam. Things like a father and grandfather can marry a girl/woman to whomever they want even if the girl/woman doesn’t want to marry that person. That is disgusting! A man can beat his wife (after giving her advice and sleeping apart) if she doesn’t do whatever he wants her to sounds horrible to me too. I am a person that is strongly against corporal punishment on children because of my own personal experience and certainly against corporal punishment on women! In addition, I learned things like women couldn’t be witnesses in Shariah Courts and things like that.
Since there are parts that are horrible in Islam, I do not accept it as the true religion. Plus the religion is extremely difficult for me to practice if I want to be comfortable with my lifestyle. So, that is why I choose not to be a Muslim. This has cost me a lot. I had to give up an education in a better university than the one I am attending now, a guaranteed respectable job, and everything I have in Malaysia to live in a foreign country. This is going to sound crazy but - I actually married another Muslim apostate from Malaysia so that he would help me move to this new home country of mine as he had the money and in return he could stay here safely. This has disadvantages – like it is hard to get other men to date me if they know I have a “husband”. Hey, if Malaysian Muslims find out that we are not Muslim, many would torture us in some way. In Malaysia, there are Pusat Pemulihan Akidah’s or Faith Rehabilitation Centers and perhaps even the death penalty (in 1-2 Malaysian states only) for Muslim apostates. I even gave up my Malaysian citizenship to be safer. The fact that Malaysian Muslims want to hurt us hurts me a lot because, why do they have to hurt us just because we view Islam differently? We wouldn’t have treated them badly or anything. My “husband” said that they know their religion is nonsense. So, anyone who tries to reveal this is somehow “changed” or killed to avoid more people knowing that it is nonsense. They are just so insecure about their religion that they have to get rid of people who know the truth about it!
After reading the Faith Freedom International and ISIS website and confirming it by reading a translation of the Koran in English (translated by a Muslim!) and other translations online, I realized that there is more crap in the Koran than I have thought– all this killing the non-believers, keeping captives (slaves) and having sex with them etc. Even the Hadiths have a lot of inhumane stuff and I don’t think they should be considered 100% true as they are based on what he or she said hundred years ago.
Currently I am a person of no religion. Many Muslim apostates who have been hurt and/or seen people get hurt in the name of Islam think that Islam should be totally destroyed. Of course, it would be great if it is possible. However, all I ask for from Muslims is freedom of religion, as I know that would help reduce the number of people suffering. Plus, if Islam were so great like Muslims claim, people would want to believe in it and practice it anyway without being forced.
AUTO-BIOGRAPHY FOR ONE FREE WORLD INTERNATIONALMy parents brought me up in Malaysia as a Muslim child until I was 11 years old. After that, according to my parents, there was no compulsion in religion and I was free to choose my own faith. I surely was not a Muslim. Unfortunately, in Malaysia, I was required to be a Muslim by law because my father was Malay. There are a number of different ethnic groups in Malaysia; however, ethnic Malays have to be Muslim.
Upon finishing secondary school, I got a scholarship to study Environmental Engineering in the USA. While I was in the USA, the Malaysian authorities were alerted to the fact that I was not a Muslim. In February 2000, two people from the Malaysian embassy came to see me at my university. They asked if I was a Muslim. I lied and I said I was. They proceeded to tell me they would investigate whether I was a Muslim or not. If it turned out that I was not Muslim, they told me they would forcefully repatriate me back to Malaysia because I would be unfit to be among other religions. In addition, as one of the conditions of my scholarship, all the scholarship recipients had to go to the Malaysian embassy once a year for religious debriefing. I always skipped these sessions, because I couldn’t fake the Islamic lifestyle. With the investigation on its way, and me refusing to go to the religious debriefings, I would eventually be taken into custody and forcefully repatriated. When people talk about “faith rehabilitation” in Malaysia, what actually takes place is torture until one agrees to be a Muslim again (according to the Malaysian government’s definition of what a Muslim is).
Because that my mother was born in Canada, I was also Canadian Citizen. Unassisted by the Canadian government, I fled to Canada on May 5, 2001. In Canada, I did not know anybody else that was in my shoes except for my ex-husband. So I did two things to get in touch with people like myself and to help them have a better life. First, I created Murtads from Malaysia, an online support group for Malaysians who face religious persecution. We had a group of volunteers comprising people of various faiths, and no faith, helping to run the website. Second, I created the Living Without Religion (formerly known as Coping Without Religion) Support Group in Toronto, which has now spread across Canada. This support group was meant for people who live without religion, and who are having problems, and/or people who have left a religion and are consequently having problems. These are my two contributions so far to help those who face religious persecution. Now, I would like to help more people, and that is why I have turned to One Free World International.
MY STORY OF CONVERTING BACK TO ISLAM TEMPORARILYIn the summer 2011, I had to go through a difficult time in my life. As a result, I ran away to Ottawa, Canada to begin a new life. I lost a whole lot of weight. Then, I got sick. I was worried my body will not be able to handle the illness. I was worried of a lowered immune system. So, I called for an ambulance and I was brought to Monfort Hospital. I thought I was going to the die. So, I said the Shahada and converted back to Islam. I was praying (doa) to the Muslim God (Allah) to save me from death. I didn't die and for a while I considered myself Muslim. I decided to move to Windsor, Ontario for several reasons. I would say, "I surely do not want to be Malaysian Muslim but I am a Canadian Muslim". But there were two problems.
First, I had a Service Dog for medical purposes. I was not allowed to bring my Service Dog to the mosque to be with other Muslims and I couldn't be separated from my Service Dog. I chose my dog because I love him more than anything else in the world. So, I left Islam.
Second, my Atheist thoughts came back to me. I wanted to be identified as an Atheist. When I joined the Windsor Atheists for dinner, I felt I was in the right place. I was hospitalized for a long time in 2017. I suffered like I have never suffered in my whole life before. I remained an Atheist throughout my suffering.
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You guys have to make sure I don't end up being Muslim again!
Murtad Mama
Topic: Murtad Mama