Sure, zeca. One can have lots of harmless fun with those in the public eye.
I could, for example, write to her again to wonder if my previous letter (a copy attached) had been received and if so, what might have been the reasons for the apparent lack of a responsive reply on her part; and in any case, the open invitation to dinner still stands, but we would kindly require 48 hour advanced notice to source some special African ingredients from overseas. The honour of the occasion, as ever, would always be our household’s members and Khadija’s.
Likewise, in anticipation of her (likely) conversion we have now got in touch with a leading Dubai retailer that trades in premium and luxury Islamic gifts, and the understanding we swiftly reached is of getting her a full set of a prayer mat, prayer beads, a prayer dress, a Qur’an cover and a cushion for the Noble Qur’an. I would then go into great detail describing these items by copying the marketing style of this pretentious website (
http://www.bahralnoor.com/product/turquoise-full-set-her/).
Then round it all up by saying that in connection with her spiritual initiation we were never going to stint on her, but the fact remains that these are gifts in the truest sense of the word as found in the Noble Qur’an in chapter 9, verse 60 (Arabic: والمؤلفةِ قلوبهم). And as such, it is our belief that they are tax deductible expenses.
Thus, we are in the process of writing to a number of Islamic trusts and registered charitable organisations in England and Wales to secure their cooperation in buying the items for our household in exchange of the participating charity receiving a donation cheque for the total sum (still to be negotiated with the overseas retailer) plus their usual £10 handling fees.
For the benefit of any Islamic trust taking up our offer, the obvious thing would be that our household will accentuate the charitable point of purchasing Jane Doe MP these items. In order to maximise heavenly reward in the hereafter, we appreciate their utmost discretion and confidentiality in this matter.
P.S. But having written all this, I see a flaw in the rationale of the plan. That by simply Googling the letter in my previous post, Jane Doe MP might wise up to the gag and consequently wouldn’t play ball. To get ourselves out of this little quagmire, editing the letter out of the previous post and then posting it in the ranting area (from whence it originally came) might solve the snag. This exit strategy has two known advantages, one of which has for the moment escaped my mind. The other one is that this creative thread stays on track and safe from potential derailment. What do you think, zeca dear?
Topic: What are your creative pasttimes?