Now I know alot of you think that MBTI personality types are a load of ol tripe (totally discounting how dang accurate the type descriptions can be, especially when cognitive functions are factored in) and some of you don't have a clue what an MBTI type is, but I do believe them to hold more truth than fantasy and my personality type is the infp.
Now I am one of those people for whom life is always full of more sadness than happiness. I have an air of melancholy about me, people tell me I have sad eyes
. I write sad poetry, think sad thoughts, I cry alot over silly things and have depression practially hovering in the background all the time.
Even at my most happiest time of my life I still had moments where I just needed to be sad, even when I was happy I was writing poetry about suicide. I wrote this when I was 16/17 and believe me I was having a great time in life at the time, it was fantastic, I was young, I was considered highly attractive and had an untold amount of guys chasing me (heady times
). I was making a bucket full of money, I had a load of friends, but even then this is what I was writing when no one was looking:
You look up, you wonder,
is your mind all there.
You look around and smile
At friends who don't care.
You've lost all meaning,
All purpose to life.
You notice the beauty of steel,
The coldness of the knife.
It's lying in your hand,
Just waiting to be used.
You're a child really,
Just an adult abused.
You have nothing but yourself,
No family, no friends.
The tears roll down and drop,
This is the end.
The blade slices deep.
But you don't notice the hurt.
A faint smile appears,
this wound is not the first.
Now you are free,
Now you soar through the sky.
No worries, no pain,
No tears will you cry.
You're safe now, you're gone,
And no one can hurt,
Hurt you like they did,
From the end to the first.
As you fly so you spy,
A coffin on the ground.
There are no mourners there,
No one is around.
And even free like that,
Tears form in your eyes.
The coffin was yours,
It's for yourself that you cry.
Pretty screwed up huh? lol
Now for most of my life I have seen myself as ill and in need of therapy to help cure me of this depression that has pulled me down my whole life.
Then about 3 years ago I discovered my MBTI type, and my sadness, my alienation that I feel from society, my solitary nature, it all appeared in the type description of an INFP. An identification with broken and discarded things.
So I find myself now wondering if therapy is even worth it, if my personality type is this person that I want therapied out of me, then it seems pointless to keep trying. I can not be one of the normal people, I am an infp I am meant to be the epitome of emo.
The psychotherapist said that I had a borderline personlity disorder, but is it a personality disorder or just my personality and something I must learn to live with?
Topic: Psycotherapy, depression and personality type?