You know you're an ex muslim when......

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #270 - September 05, 2010, 08:41 PM

Guys, install viruses on your parents computers.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #271 - September 05, 2010, 08:42 PM

Quote from: HighOctane on September 05, 2010, 06:59 PM
When you don't care that you led a prayer and prayed with the siblings of your brother in law to be and you made several school-boy errors and you think, "Meh, whatever, no big deal!".

PS: I haven't prayed for about 6/7 years now!

haha i had to lead a pre-dinner prayer once, had no idea how long i was meant to hold my hands together for, so just looked at the clock for a minute n that was that

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #272 - September 05, 2010, 08:48 PM

Quote from: Lilyesque on September 05, 2010, 08:41 PM
Guys, install viruses on your parents computers.

This /\

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #273 - September 05, 2010, 08:53 PM

Lots of them, orr if you can change the programming in the WALLLAAAH thingy frig it round a bit.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #274 - September 05, 2010, 08:56 PM

Quote from: Triaint on September 05, 2010, 08:42 PM
haha i had to lead a pre-dinner prayer once, had no idea how long i was meant to hold my hands together for, so just looked at the clock for a minute n that was that

I figured I forgot how to go through the surahs so I'd do them 2.5x extra and it should be right. Then when individually praying I wont be the first or the last to finish. I call it "Fake Praying", it is an extreme sport I tell you!

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #275 - September 05, 2010, 09:00 PM

You just need a Ironing Board and an Iron, "Fake Prayer, extreme Ironing".
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #276 - September 05, 2010, 09:02 PM

Quote from: Buttersnips on September 05, 2010, 08:37 PM
My dad used to have this stupid athan program.

Fortunately, the computer messed up, so he had to reinstall everything and forgot about it.

I always tell my relatives, that these programs tend to slow the computers very much because they need to get data from your pc clock to calculate the Athan time, so they always willingly uninstall them.

...
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #277 - September 05, 2010, 09:17 PM

Quote from: RIBS on September 05, 2010, 09:02 PM
I always tell my relatives, that these programs tend to slow the computers very much because they need to get data from your pc clock to calculate the Athan time, so they always willingly uninstall them.

I should add that they usually notice an improvement with their PC's performance, which might indicate how badly written those kind of programs.

...
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #278 - September 05, 2010, 09:22 PM

My brother is too thick-headed to listen to that. I just have the off button of the speaker in a convenient place which I can hit instinctively now iv had the practice

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #279 - September 05, 2010, 09:25 PM

Quote from: RIBS on September 05, 2010, 09:02 PM
I always tell my relatives, that these programs tend to slow the computers very much because they need to get data from your pc clock to calculate the Athan time, so they always willingly uninstall them.

Islamware is a big nuisance.

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #280 - September 05, 2010, 10:26 PM

Quote from: Lilyesque on September 05, 2010, 07:16 PM
Where are you living?

I live in Canada.

The most merciful Allah, who is more merciful than your own mortal mother, is capable of punishing you for eternity for a finite sin committed in a finite lifetime with finite knowledge, while your mother nor any living creature that is NOT a sadistic mother fucker would never commit such an act.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #281 - September 05, 2010, 10:28 PM

Quote from: HighOctane on September 05, 2010, 08:56 PM
I figured I forgot how to go through the surahs so I'd do them 2.5x extra and it should be right. Then when individually praying I wont be the first or the last to finish. I call it "Fake Praying", it is an extreme sport I tell you!

Gosh! You guys got all the sports right. I got to do all this... Since my mom is always nagging me to pray...

The most merciful Allah, who is more merciful than your own mortal mother, is capable of punishing you for eternity for a finite sin committed in a finite lifetime with finite knowledge, while your mother nor any living creature that is NOT a sadistic mother fucker would never commit such an act.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #282 - September 06, 2010, 06:13 AM

Quote from: RIBS on September 05, 2010, 09:02 PM
I always tell my relatives, that these programs tend to slow the computers very much because they need to get data from your pc clock to calculate the Athan time, so they always willingly uninstall them.

worse are those mosque shaped clocks !!! those annoying little bastards can be placed anywhere in the house and have very bad sounding sound recordings in them

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #283 - September 06, 2010, 06:18 AM

Quote from: Zeeman on September 05, 2010, 07:04 PM
Good one! Azans are so annoying that I walk away from the room where they are prayed. I am trying to figure out how to keep my family from making my children Muslims. I abhor the idea of my kids following this disgusting religion. Even now my Mother is upstairs teaching my youngest brother Quran. Another idiot is getting brain washed.

+1

lol i keep deleting saved youtube links on my family computer of stupid children giving azan. but they keep coming back

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #284 - September 06, 2010, 06:32 AM

ooooo ooooo I got one !!!

So my mom for some reason keeps years old bottles of Zam Zam in the fridge. You know the "holy" water. Once in a while she will make the whole family take a sip

Now me being worried about the quality of water over the time decided that enough was enough.

One day I emptied the bottles of zam zam and filled them with EXACTLY the same amount to fresh tap water to replace the "holy" water that was present before. I think we should be safe from water borne diseases for a while subhannallah !!

do any of you have this holy water crap stored in your fridges i mean wth is there some silly hadith about keeping the water in your house to increase "barakah"

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #285 - September 06, 2010, 10:41 AM

nice story

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #286 - September 06, 2010, 11:22 AM

Quote from: canex on September 06, 2010, 06:32 AM
do any of you have this holy water crap stored in your fridges i mean wth is there some silly hadith about keeping the water in your house to increase "barakah"

My mom has that poison stored in our fridge. It is in a plastic container and is probably leaching oil slowly. I ain't drinking that shit no matter what. There probably are some Hadiths about that shit. The fact is though that Muslims cannot even historically agree on how the Zam Zam well came to be... There are versions of the story where Mohammed's grand father dug it, and yet there are others where Hagar stumbled on it while she was in the desert with Ishmael.

The most merciful Allah, who is more merciful than your own mortal mother, is capable of punishing you for eternity for a finite sin committed in a finite lifetime with finite knowledge, while your mother nor any living creature that is NOT a sadistic mother fucker would never commit such an act.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #287 - September 06, 2010, 02:11 PM

Zamzam water tastes very different from tap water, be careful. :/
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #288 - September 06, 2010, 02:28 PM

Quote from: canex on September 06, 2010, 06:32 AM
One day I emptied the bottles of zam zam and filled them with EXACTLY the same amount to fresh tap water to replace the "holy" water that was present before. I think we should be safe from water borne diseases for a while subhannallah !!

Allah was watching, for he is all-knowing.

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #289 - September 06, 2010, 03:58 PM

Quote from: canex on September 06, 2010, 06:32 AM

do any of you have this holy water crap stored in your fridges i mean wth is there some silly hadith about keeping the water in your house to increase "barakah"

yea, apparently i had to finish my share of it in no more or no less than 3 sips

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #290 - September 07, 2010, 03:35 PM

when your tipsy at 11pm during ramadan its probably just me though

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #291 - September 07, 2010, 04:40 PM

Nah, ramadan is like winter solstice to me, no one really does it, or even remember when it starts in my house anymore lole, and as to being drunk, well:

http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=10182.0

The drunk thread was created for just that purpose.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #292 - September 07, 2010, 05:02 PM

I think i've just found my new home heloooooo drunk thread.

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #293 - September 10, 2010, 04:17 AM

yes!!!! aboutto go to bed but feeling oh so good

So once again I'm left with the classic Irish man's dilemma, do I eat the potato or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #294 - September 12, 2010, 01:17 PM

Quote from: Pazuzu on November 09, 2008, 10:58 PM
â€¦ you feel able to criticise IslÃ¢m.
â€¦ you realise allah WONâ€™T instantly strike you dead for standing on an arabic qurâ€™Ã¢n with muddy boots.
â€¦ you donâ€™t feel guilty drinking alcohol.
â€¦ you fart and donâ€™t have to gargle and wash your feet because of it!
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #295 - September 12, 2010, 11:55 PM

My step mom has the radio in the kitchen on this guy reciting the Quran and sometimes others preaching .
ALL THE TIME!

whenever i'm down there and she isn't in the kitchen , i switch it off . sometimes i'll even put some music on while im doing my thing and then switch it off , leaving the station as it is ,giving her easy access to hear music next time she switches it on :-D
(she listens to arabic music) so i'm not leading her to a humiliating punishment

Quote
“And there are among men, those that purchase idle tales, to mislead (men) from the path of Allah and throw ridicule. For such there will be a humiliating punishment” (Surah Luqman, V. 6).

Imam Ibn Abi Shayba related with his own transmission that He (Ibn Mas’ud) said:

“I swear By Him besides whom there is no God that it refers to singing” (132/5).

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1786&CATE=142

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #296 - September 14, 2010, 07:07 PM

When socializing with Western friends you can influence them by reassuring them that having legitimate concerns about Islam is not racism and is something that should be freely voiced and discussed.

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #297 - September 14, 2010, 07:19 PM

When you turn you see your parents watching Islam Channel/Peace TV and feel sorry for them :(

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #298 - September 14, 2010, 07:41 PM

When you feel sorry for your parents being robbed of their true culture, character and have to suffer under fear, Ramadan and their kids losing faith.

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #299 - September 14, 2010, 11:48 PM

when your mother tells you that she shouldn't have any relation with you whatsoever and is only talking to you out of the goodness of her heart to ignore islamic doctrine.

At evening, casual flocks of pigeons make
Ambiguous undulations as they sink,
Downward to darkness, on extended wings. - Stevens
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