You know you're an ex muslim when......

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Topic: You know you're an ex muslim when......

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- Cato
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #840 - November 02, 2011, 06:43 PM

I dunno if that counts,

When you use a hadith or qur'an verse to defend your right and your parents have nothing to say to repudiate it but to remain silent in dissatisfaction.

Ma: why didnt you go and pray Isha
Me: Im hungry
Ma: cant it wait?
Me: no, im too hungry that i cant have full concentration if i do sallah and its obligatory for one to remain focused in prayer, plus there is a hadith where Mo said if one is hungry and is time for sallat,one should eat first before sallah
Ma: *hiss* oh so now you believe in hadith?
Me: dont blame me, im exercising rmy right.

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
- Jema
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #841 - November 02, 2011, 10:47 PM

when you've moved into a new place with non-muslims and your mum tells you blast qur'an in your room to scare away all the evil jinns and shaitans that must've inhabited the room when the previous durty non-muslim occupied it. Also, to thoroughly clean the bathrooms and disinfect erthang, specifically BECAUSE it's in a non-muslim flat, cause obviously all non-muslims are durty bastards.

Started from the bottom, now I'm here
Started from the bottom, now my whole extended family's here

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #842 - November 04, 2011, 04:39 AM

They have TEH AIDSZ!!1

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- Cato
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #843 - December 10, 2011, 09:42 AM

When you subconciously log in to CEMB through mobile.

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #844 - December 10, 2011, 09:59 AM

Lol I'm not sure how subconcious that is Naija.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
- Cato
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #845 - December 10, 2011, 10:14 AM

There are many times while im watching something and the phone is with me, i wont know when i log in to this forum(of course my browser has saved the password) and its the first site on my bookmark list.

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
- toor
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #846 - December 11, 2011, 09:30 PM

My dad just gave my wife this book, and I could only find it rofl-worthy.

I suspect that a review on Amazon will be appearing shortly..

Before it gets too late, you will find escape.
- Jema
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #847 - December 12, 2011, 04:00 AM

^

Started from the bottom, now I'm here
Started from the bottom, now my whole extended family's here

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #848 - December 12, 2011, 04:18 AM

Quote from: toor on December 11, 2011, 09:30 PM
My dad just gave my wife this book, and I could only find it rofl-worthy.

I suspect that a review on Amazon will be appearing shortly..

lol is the one review on it yours ?

Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense. - Voltaire
- toor
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #849 - December 12, 2011, 08:40 AM

Not mine, but I suspect you can guess whose review it was

Before it gets too late, you will find escape.
- mouseyc
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #850 - December 12, 2011, 08:47 AM

I wasn't going to bother but I am still tempted to give him a book in return. Good without God might be a better option that the one I listed in the review.
- Ishina
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #851 - December 12, 2011, 12:53 PM

You know you're an ex muslim when......

... you start getting excited about Christmas.

Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
- laces
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #852 - December 13, 2011, 12:11 AM

Quote from: muddy on October 18, 2011, 06:06 PM
When you want to scream when someone on phone start conversation with assalamalaikum or end it with allahhafix

My nan does that - we'll start the conversation with hellos and then she'll say in a proper patronising tone - Assalaamu alaikum! Like I'm a little kid who accidentally forgot to say. Does my fucking nut in

Quote from: Jema on November 02, 2011, 10:47 PM
when you've moved into a new place with non-muslims and your mum tells you blast qur'an in your room to scare away all the evil jinns and shaitans that must've inhabited the room when the previous durty non-muslim occupied it. Also, to thoroughly clean the bathrooms and disinfect erthang, specifically BECAUSE it's in a non-muslim flat, cause obviously all non-muslims are durty bastards.

So rude! My dad told me to use paper cups in my flat last year or the traces of alcohol from communal glasses would get into my system.

If you would like to know more about me send me a message

___________
All the kids have always known that the emperor wears no clothes
But they bow down to him anyway
It's easier than being alone.

(Arcade Fire, Ready to Start)
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #853 - December 13, 2011, 12:19 AM

Quote from: Jema on November 02, 2011, 10:47 PM
when you've moved into a new place with non-muslims and your mum tells you blast qur'an in your room to scare away all the evil jinns and shaitans that must've inhabited the room when the previous durty non-muslim occupied it. Also, to thoroughly clean the bathrooms and disinfect erthang, specifically BECAUSE it's in a non-muslim flat, cause obviously all non-muslims are durty bastards.

19:46 <zizo>: hugs could pimp u into sex

Quote from: yeezevee
well I am neither ex-Muslim nor absolute 100% Non-Muslim.. I am fucking Zebra
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #854 - December 13, 2011, 12:44 AM

when you try and comfort depressed muslims by telling them how much Allah is supposed to love them and they start feeling better.

At evening, casual flocks of pigeons make
Ambiguous undulations as they sink,
Downward to darkness, on extended wings. - Stevens
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #855 - December 13, 2011, 01:27 AM

Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense. - Voltaire
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #856 - December 13, 2011, 04:57 AM

^that is you

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #857 - December 13, 2011, 06:57 AM

Quote from: Lara91 on December 13, 2011, 01:42 AM
when all you do is hate and bitch about life

= Prince.

Life is what happens to you while you're staring at your smartphone.

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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #858 - December 13, 2011, 01:33 PM

Quote from: Ishina on December 12, 2011, 12:53 PM
You know you're an ex muslim when......

... you start getting excited about Christmas.

+1

قل للمليحة في الخمار الأسود
مـاذا فـعــلت بــناسـك مـتـعـبد

قـد كـان شـمّر لــلـصلاة ثـيابه
حتى خـطرت له بباب المسجد

ردي عليـه صـلاتـه وصيـامــه
لا تـقــتـلــيه بـحـق ديــن محمد
- harakaat
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #859 - December 13, 2011, 01:37 PM

... when you can't help laughing as your 7-year-old brother hits your sister for not praying, because "Rasoolullah said we should teach kids to pray at 7 and hit them if they don't at 10!"

قل للمليحة في الخمار الأسود
مـاذا فـعــلت بــناسـك مـتـعـبد

قـد كـان شـمّر لــلـصلاة ثـيابه
حتى خـطرت له بباب المسجد

ردي عليـه صـلاتـه وصيـامــه
لا تـقــتـلــيه بـحـق ديــن محمد
- Solara
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #860 - December 13, 2011, 06:12 PM

Life is what happens to you while you're staring at your smartphone.

Eternal Sunshine of the Religionless Mind
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #861 - December 13, 2011, 06:14 PM

When you get the inexplicable urge to attend a wine tasting, even though you've never had alcohol before.

Life is what happens to you while you're staring at your smartphone.

Eternal Sunshine of the Religionless Mind
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #862 - December 13, 2011, 08:53 PM

Your parents tell you to start praying and also make your siblings pray too, but you tell them "I'm not that extreme of a Muslim. I'm a moderate Muslim."
- harakaat
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #863 - December 14, 2011, 06:39 PM

I don't think I've managed to tell anyone in the two years that I've been an apostate that I'm a Muslim. I have pretended to be a Muslim, acted like a Muslim, sure, but I don't think I've ever said the words "I'm a Muslim". It's too hard.

قل للمليحة في الخمار الأسود
مـاذا فـعــلت بــناسـك مـتـعـبد

قـد كـان شـمّر لــلـصلاة ثـيابه
حتى خـطرت له بباب المسجد

ردي عليـه صـلاتـه وصيـامــه
لا تـقــتـلــيه بـحـق ديــن محمد
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #864 - December 14, 2011, 06:51 PM

Quote from: harakaat on December 14, 2011, 06:39 PM
I don't think I've managed to tell anyone in the two years that I've been an apostate that I'm a Muslim. I have pretended to be a Muslim, acted like a Muslim, sure, but I don't think I've ever said the words "I'm a Muslim". It's too hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHYo71jTvfo
- harakaat
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #865 - December 14, 2011, 07:10 PM

^ LOL, they're so cute!

قل للمليحة في الخمار الأسود
مـاذا فـعــلت بــناسـك مـتـعـبد

قـد كـان شـمّر لــلـصلاة ثـيابه
حتى خـطرت له بباب المسجد

ردي عليـه صـلاتـه وصيـامــه
لا تـقــتـلــيه بـحـق ديــن محمد
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #866 - January 01, 2012, 11:57 PM

Quote
What about if a bit of gas seeps out but you don't notice?

That's where the fiqh comes in. If you can smell it, you farted. If you heard it, you farted. But if you felt it but didn't hear it, or smell it, you didn't fart.

You know the famous pictures of everyone at Mecca bowed in prayer, bums in the air?

I would have thought the ritual of bowing was almost guaranteed to cause close encounters of the wiffy kind.

What happens, do men in prayer at Mecca actually get up and leave? Bit crowded isn't it?

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #867 - January 02, 2012, 03:31 AM

Quote from: Artemis on January 01, 2012, 09:20 PM
you google how to preform salaat to remember the verses because its been such a long time since you actually performed one

Wa iyazubillah

"I'm standing here like an asshole holding my Charles Dickens"

"No theory,No ready made system,no book that has ever been written to save the world. i cleave to no system.."-Bakunin
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #868 - January 02, 2012, 03:42 AM

You know your an ex muslim when you close CEMB and quickly open up sunni forum when ur family walks into the room.

In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
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Re: You know you're an ex muslim when......
Reply #869 - January 02, 2012, 03:58 AM

When you laugh your ass off, after you have seen on a Facebook group (for young Muslims) that someone posted a crow or some kind of bird looking down, and it recieved 60+ likes and 10+ SubhanAllah! followed with "Even the animals prostrates to Allah!".

Hahahahaha!

Occam's, my akhs (as Lupe Fiasco put it) and ukthis! Occam's razor! Maybe the bird was just picking up some food? Maybe its a Cultural-Muslim bird who doesn't pray?

Alas! Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain!

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty," - that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

- John Keats
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