Hey, y'all!

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- HighOctane
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Hey, y'all!
OP - August 28, 2009, 05:46 PM

Hey Y'all, how's it goin' ??

I'm 24 from the $urrey, British born Banglade$hi. I started questioning seriously when about 18, a bit late due to being a proud Muslim. I've been a staunch atheist since 20.

[Warning - start of some venting]
My parents are Muslim. They've taken me to touch the Kabba. Dad grew up in a major town in Banglade$h. He is somewhat open minded for his generation, i.e. he runs an Indian restaurant and sells alcohol. Mum grew up in a small town/village, uneducated. Dad has faith and is a reasonable Muslim. Mum is horribly addicted (she leaves the PeaceTV channel on in the living room even when she is in the kitchen just to pass good omens in the house). Mum also dislikes the British culture. Pretty much all my extended family are practicing Muslims. I seem to be the black sheep in the house, my 3 siblings have faith. Only distance relations have given up on Islam but have kept the Bengali tradition (very few of them though).

I tried to explain to my rents I'm not a Muslim when 20. Didn't go down very well. Dad was hurt, mum kept crying. So I say I still am one, but hate it. I was living away for several years and I'd gets calls about prayer, Friday prayer, fasting, reading the Quran. Now I'm back at my rents (starting a one year MSc and living near the city is way too expensive, hence commuting in). Sucks to be shouted at for not praying, reading the Quran, etc. I really hope to graduate, be financially secure and get out. I really hate Islam not just for what it is doing to me, but the lost productive minds it restricts in our world. It's got to go. I've even donate to Geert Wilders, probably a step too far.

Sorry for the venting.
[/Warning - end of venting]

On that note, I look forward to some logical and sane reading. Fantastic to see so many like minded people.

Best,
HighOctane

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- Saif Rahman
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #1 - August 28, 2009, 05:51 PM

Welcome - you sound like a typical member of the forum! I know how you feel.

How did you come across this site and where do they stand with Islam?

P.S Am sure you'll feel right at home over here.

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- PeruvianSkies
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #2 - August 28, 2009, 05:54 PM

Wow you've been through exactly the same thing I went through just the other day! I came out to my parents, they were incredibly hurt and dad was crying all night! I had to take it all back just like you. Now I'm being forced to pray and read the Quran. It sucks. Luckily I'm living away while at uni, I'm financially secure already so I'm considering not moving back home after uni.

I really hope everything goes well for you. Good look on your course and hopefully it will all work out in the end

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- HighOctane
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #3 - August 28, 2009, 06:46 PM

Howdy,

Quote from: IsLame on August 28, 2009, 05:51 PM
How did you come across this site and where do they stand with Islam?

Cheers, and to answer your first q: Googled ex muslim> ex-muslim.org.uk> Forum section. Second q: Rents take Islam pretty seriously.

So relieving to find this site and know the council exists.

PeruvianSkies: Yep, exactly the same happened with my rents. I don't think it is just coincidence the same reaction takes place. Anyhow, thanks buddy. Mate, it's good to hear you're at Uni. If I can give any advice: 1/ Try to make sure there is good future progression at your grad job & 2/ Ensure you've got your MSc/PhD/internships/ whatever other knowledge or experience in your own time before searching for a job. e.g. I'm a CS major and wished I knew a few more programming languages and had a better internship before graduating!

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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #4 - August 28, 2009, 06:59 PM

Hey,

That's a big step telling them, at least next time you tell them it'll be easier, maybe they won't react as bad as well.

Welcome to the forum!

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
- Saif Rahman
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #5 - August 28, 2009, 08:41 PM

Quote from: HighOctane on August 28, 2009, 06:46 PM
Second q: Rents take Islam pretty seriously.

I meant your siblings - are they ok with you apostacy or have they into Islam too?

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- Omaar Khayaam
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #6 - August 28, 2009, 09:05 PM

Quote
I tried to explain to my rents I'm not a Muslim when 20. Didn't go down very well. Dad was hurt, mum kept crying. So I say I still am one, but hate it. I was living away for several years and I'd gets calls about prayer, Friday prayer, fasting, reading the Quran. Now I'm back at my rents (starting a one year MSc and living near the city is way too expensive, hence commuting in). Sucks to be shouted at for not praying, reading the Quran, etc. I really hope to graduate, be financially secure and get out. I really hate Islam not just for what it is doing to me, but the lost productive minds it restricts in our world.

Hi there, and well done for letting your parents know. It's not an easy task but you have managed to get your point across. I wouldn't worry about the calls to pray or read quran etc. That is just their way of trying to deal with it. They will stop soon enough.
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #7 - August 28, 2009, 09:25 PM

Welcome HighOctane - I really enjoyed reading your intro - thanks for sharing
- HighOctane
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #8 - August 28, 2009, 09:45 PM

Howdy All,

Thanks for the warm welcome.

Quote from: IsLame on August 28, 2009, 08:41 PM
I meant your siblings - are they ok with you apostacy or have they into Islam too?

Ah okay. My slightly older sister thinks I'm weird for not beleiving in a god. But Personally I think she is just a bit proud of herself. I know she goes out with her friends at uni, doesn't wear a head scarf and even has a playboy keyring. Yet her car has a dangling arabic symbol of Allah. That's her: has faith due to being proud but doesn't practically care that much.

With my younger sister, we discuss a lot. It actually drives me a bit crazy. She reckons I over analyze life. I think she thinks that to justify her beliefs in Islam. From Neil Armstrong being Muslim due to seeing a crack on the moon to Michael Jackson being a Muslim and the media not celebrating this further proves there is a conspiracy against Islam and justifies her belief. Recently I had to prove to her that Obama's father was an atheist, not Muslim (but okay fine his family on his dad's side probably are). But again, she wears tight-ish jeans and goes to work without a headscarf and has Guru Josh Project as her ringtone - so I'd say she also just has faith because she wants to stay consistent and is proud of her faith. (She prob prays once or twice a day).

As for my younger brother, still a teenager. Again, western fella to his friends (I even picked him up from a friend's late birthday day party while our rent were on vacation!) but too proud to not let go of Islam. Plus my rents are a bit harder on him being young and forcing him with indoctrination (i.e. if he "reads" the Quran completely then he can have an iPod ... great morals there ...). He thinks I'm weird too and gets offended when I talk too critically about Islam.

They all know I'm an atheist though. Older sis told mum (who wasn't happy) that I have The God Delusion on the book shelf.

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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #9 - August 28, 2009, 09:53 PM

you're family sounds like mine - although my siblings are not as relgious as yours (but they've suffered more years of indoctrination from me!)

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- Stardust
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #10 - August 28, 2009, 10:32 PM

So what got you questioning at that point in life?

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor E. Frankl

'Life is just the extreme expression of complex chemistry' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
- HighOctane
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #11 - August 28, 2009, 11:07 PM

IsLame: "indoctrination from me" - from you? I suppose in that case you went in deeper and swarm back even harder to come out! Interesting to see we have similar families though. All things being equal, I suppose the probability is low but evident of there being black sheeps.

stardust: Well, I had a few friends who studied RS at 6th form and asked them about proving how God is false. So one of them in particular showed the "Proof by falsification". That was the initial blow, but the knock-out punch would have to be evolution. I remember the witty GCSE Biology revision guide "thing don't just appear!". It took about a year to fully come to the conclusion. I think the brain is plastic and can change, it just takes some time.

Good question, wonder how others came to their conclusion.

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- PeruvianSkies
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #12 - August 28, 2009, 11:14 PM

Quote from: HighOctane on August 28, 2009, 06:46 PM
Howdy,

Cheers, and to answer your first q: Googled ex muslim> ex-muslim.org.uk> Forum section. Second q: Rents take Islam pretty seriously.

So relieving to find this site and know the council exists.

PeruvianSkies: Yep, exactly the same happened with my rents. I don't think it is just coincidence the same reaction takes place. Anyhow, thanks buddy. Mate, it's good to hear you're at Uni. If I can give any advice: 1/ Try to make sure there is good future progression at your grad job & 2/ Ensure you've got your MSc/PhD/internships/ whatever other knowledge or experience in your own time before searching for a job. e.g. I'm a CS major and wished I knew a few more programming languages and had a better internship before graduating!

Hey Octane

I think my job after uni is pretty much set. My placement year job said I could come back and work for them again. My bf also said he'll support me too with his job so I'm quite good financially speaking. The guilt of doing this to my family is still too much to bear though.

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- HighOctane
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Re: Hey, y'all!
Reply #13 - August 29, 2009, 01:20 PM

Hey PeruvianSkies,

That's excellent - you were obviously productive during placement, good good! Your boyfriend sound very supportive too, that's great to hear. I think it's also good that you are doing what you think is right. I think the hurt is inevitable & unavoidable. At the end of the day, we have the genes of our rents. The only difference is the memes that we've been brought up with in our lifetimes. If they grew up with our memes, they'd be the same, and vice versa. I sometimes wonder if I had a bit more EQ if there would be room for compromise, etc, but I think the influence of Islam is that intense that it just can't be tamed. In the future I'm pretty sure things will get tough, especially when marriage comes along. Pragmatically speaking there is only so much one can do with the cards they've been dealt with. I wish you the very best btw, on graduating and life after uni. Good luck!

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