I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?

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I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
OP - August 31, 2009, 04:04 PM

My wife and I are Ex-Muslims and we live in a Muslim country in North Africa were everybody is expected to be a Muslim. Although being a non practicing Muslims seems to be OK and has no hazards what-so-ever, renouncing the religion altogether is very rare and almost unheard of.

My problem is that My Kids are too young to understand why their parents are being different from other people surrounding them.

Sadly, at school they teach them Islamic faith as a mandatory subject. One day, last year, my son came from school annoyed with me for not praying, as the teacher has told him that day that the non-praying persons will be sent to hell.

I could not tell him that I did not pray, but told him that if I pray I pray in my bedroom in privacy and not like other show-off Muslims. He felt better but I was so sad and angry of the situation and wished that he is already a teenage or older so that I sit with him and discuss what I found out about religion in general and what made me give it all up.

Anyways, I know most of you here in this forum are finding it difficult to tell their parents about their apostasy. However mine is the exact opposite..., and I don't know if any of you have a similar situation or know anyone who is.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #1 - August 31, 2009, 04:13 PM

Why don't you be straight with them? It's easier to get them to understand while they are still young isn't it? Just say you and mum have doubts, that religion is a very complicated subject. Something along those lines.

ps. How dare you steal my thread title!

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #2 - August 31, 2009, 04:15 PM

Quote from: PeruvianSkies on August 31, 2009, 04:13 PM
Why don't you be straight with them? It's easier to get them to understand while they are still young isn't it? Just say you and mum have doubts, that religion is a very complicated subject. Something along those lines.

ps. How dare you steal my thread title!

Yeah but they are kids. And being kids, they might unwittingly say something outside of the home which could get Ribs and Mrs Ribs in trouble.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #3 - August 31, 2009, 04:17 PM

Then let them know not to say anything. Are they good kids? If they are they'll know to keep quite, or you could always wait till they are a bit older.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #4 - August 31, 2009, 04:23 PM

Quote from: Aliadier
Yeah but they are kids. And being kids, they might unwittingly say something outside of the home which could get Ribs and Mrs Ribs in trouble.

That is correct Aliadier....

The eldest is only 7 years young.... I wouldn't poison his innocent mind with religion BS just yet, although they do at school... Also he will just raise questions if he tell others about what his Mommy and Daddy think of big Al!!

Quote from: PeruvianSkies on August 31, 2009, 04:13 PM
ps. How dare you steal my thread title!

I did not steal you thread title, your say Parents, and mine says Children

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #5 - August 31, 2009, 04:28 PM

You could wait till they are a little bit wiser. For the moment just teach them to be critical.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #6 - August 31, 2009, 04:30 PM

Quote from: PeruvianSkies on August 31, 2009, 04:17 PM
Then let them know not to say anything. Are they good kids? If they are they'll know to keep quite, or you could always wait till they are a bit older.

I am trying to make them think rationally even in a very young age. The other day he asked me about Santa and how can he come down the chimney when it is too tight and he is so fat! I told him that is is only a story and it is not for real. I thought that by knowing that it would be easier for him to start questioning unreal ideas.... We don't celebrate xmas, if you have wondered, but he watches TV and knows about it from Movies etc...

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #7 - August 31, 2009, 04:32 PM

Quote from: PeruvianSkies on August 31, 2009, 04:28 PM
You could wait till they are a little bit wiser. For the moment just teach them to be critical.

That is the only thing I could do, but unfortunately not possible for another 8 to 10 years I guess...

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #8 - August 31, 2009, 04:46 PM

I'm sure they'll be wise enough at 13 years old or something. Kids are smarter then we give them credit for.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #9 - August 31, 2009, 04:55 PM

Can't wait really, however, I am afraid that a secret that big would be a huge burden on such fragile young souls! Having to go to school and meet with other children pretending that they are Muslims would be hard, I guess. I have been thinking that I should hunt for apostates in our community to start socializing with.

I am glad that I found out that one of my uni friends is an agnostic or actually more having an atheistic belief. He has kids the age of my kids. I think I should start getting to know them better and maybe get my kids to know his!!

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #10 - August 31, 2009, 04:58 PM

without a doubt - particularly as you are such a minority

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #11 - August 31, 2009, 05:32 PM

Blimey - sticky situation indeed.

Yes - definitely get you kids to hang around kids you want them to hang around with, especailly before the teen years when they'll try to fit into groups.

Try to distract them from religion whenever possible. Tell them it's okay to be lenient ("you don't have to do this if you don't really don't want to"). Tell them the Quran is open to interpretation anyway.

Definitely continue the critical thinking. Perhaps it is good to start from a base where the connections slowly will form in their minds: i.e. start of talking about the past ancient gods (Wotan, Thor, Zeus); similarities of animals; etc ... then slowly as they grow up teach about modern day Gods, and evolution of man and maybe even one day the evolution of the human brain which indirectly makes it connect with religions. Hmm, this will take a lot of work.

Incidentally, this is a good video, a little long, but explains why religion is just like eating a nice scrumptious McDonald's hamburger.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #12 - August 31, 2009, 07:18 PM

Quote
Incidentally, this is a good video, a little long, but explains why religion is just like eating a nice scrumptious McDonald's hamburger

Yes I liked this lecture by Andy Thomson. I have seen several threads ago, some one have posted it before and I think it is a very good one indeed. Thanks.

And for my Kids, luckily, I am doing OK enough to allow for our yearly travel (for our vacation) somewhere abroad, which I think is good for them to see that there are different people with different cultures and of course different religions. I am hoping that by knowing that there are different cultures and different religions from such an early age is healthy for them and might help them later to study those different believes.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #13 - August 31, 2009, 07:31 PM

My kids are well aware of my view and understand. Maybe because :-

a - They are a little older. My eldest is fourteen.

b - I live in the west.

Religion is rarely discussed at home if ever. My book shelves are loaded with books on religion, philosophy and science, to which the kids have complete access.
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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #14 - August 31, 2009, 07:43 PM

Yes, agree. Living in the west might be a great help. Although, in my case I can not leave my country at the moment. I am doing OK, and can't be bothered to start from scratch somewhere else.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #15 - August 31, 2009, 07:46 PM

This is actually one of many reasons that makes me hate Islam. I wish it is like in the west, where no body cares what you do with your life.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #16 - August 31, 2009, 07:54 PM

its not that simple here either - we all have our own communities that we struggle in the same way as you do..

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #17 - August 31, 2009, 07:55 PM

Quote
This is actually one of many reasons that makes me hate Islam. I wish it is like in the west, where no body cares what you do with your life.

In the wider sense yes it's true. If you live in a community with alot of muslims it can get tricky.
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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #18 - August 31, 2009, 08:27 PM

Quote from: 20yearstoolong on August 31, 2009, 07:55 PM
In the wider sense yes it's true. If you live in a community with alot of muslims it can get tricky.

If you live in a community in the UK where the mosques are this grand, Islam is very prominent and people do care what you do with your life.

If I went into my local kebab shop and started eating today during daylight hours, people would probably be just as curious as to why I am not fasting as they would be in Egypt.

Religion - The hot potato that looked delicious but ended up burning your mouth!

Knock your head on the ground, don't be miserly in your prayers, listen to your Sidi Sheikh, Allahu Akbar! - Lounes Matoub
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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #19 - August 31, 2009, 08:30 PM

Ah! That Masjid is in Birmingham right?
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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #20 - August 31, 2009, 08:34 PM

Yeah, I live just round the corner! That isn't the only masjid in the area, there are loads more.

Religion - The hot potato that looked delicious but ended up burning your mouth!

Knock your head on the ground, don't be miserly in your prayers, listen to your Sidi Sheikh, Allahu Akbar! - Lounes Matoub
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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #21 - August 31, 2009, 08:56 PM

Holy Moly, that mosque is even biger than the ones we have here at home. I guess smaller towns are different from cosmoploitant cities like London. I lived in London for over 6 years, and no body seemed to care about what I believed in.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #22 - August 31, 2009, 11:09 PM

Quote from: aliadiere on August 31, 2009, 08:34 PM
Yeah, I live just round the corner! That isn't the only masjid in the area, there are loads more.

Holy smokes, leave before there are borders!!

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #23 - September 01, 2009, 02:13 AM

I remember once i was told in school that egypt is suffering from its paharaonic heritage because us as Egyptians keep thinking of our old 'glory' and do not concentrate on the future and building our present.

I came back and told that to my Father, with conviction too.

I can appreciate today the willpower it took him to hold back and to not b1tchslap me across the room. He just facepalmed and then explained to me how the teacher is having a hard time getting paid, the government is having a hard time feeding the people, and they are going around blaming anything they can so they do not have to accept the hard reality, that they took a great country with a great history and brought it to shame.

"Ask the slave girl; she will tell you the truth.' So the Apostle called Burayra to ask her. Ali got up and gave her a violent beating first, saying, 'Tell the Apostle the truth.'"
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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #24 - September 01, 2009, 04:38 AM

Quote from: HighOctane on August 31, 2009, 11:09 PM
Holy smokes, leave before there are borders!!

that was funny...

You know what? If you don't go to Islam, Islam is coming to you....

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #25 - September 01, 2009, 01:46 PM

Quote from: HighOctane on August 31, 2009, 11:09 PM
Holy smokes, leave before there are borders!!

I know what you mean. In my postal code, there are 9 masjids, a Salafi bookstore, an Islamic Propagation Centre bookstore, and another Islamic bookstore. There are two salafis who stand on the main road selling "Islamic Perfumes". There are 3 "Islamic" clothing shops. I can't really be open about religion in a place like that.

Religion - The hot potato that looked delicious but ended up burning your mouth!

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #26 - September 01, 2009, 02:58 PM

Islamic perfumes?

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #27 - September 01, 2009, 03:04 PM

Its called "Attar" and doesn't contain alcohol.

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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #28 - September 01, 2009, 03:05 PM

Quote from: PeruvianSkies on September 01, 2009, 02:58 PM
Islamic perfumes?

Yep, it's called "Attar". Men generally wear it before going to the masjid. Musk is very popular, but there are also some which smell of CK and Hugo Boss!
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Re: I'm an apostate, how do I tell my children?
Reply #29 - September 01, 2009, 03:28 PM

Quote from: aliadiere on September 01, 2009, 01:46 PM
I know what you mean. In my postal code, there are 9 masjids, a Salafi bookstore, an Islamic Propagation Centre bookstore, and another Islamic bookstore. There are two salafis who stand on the main road selling "Islamic Perfumes". There are 3 "Islamic" clothing shops. I can't really be open about religion in a place like that.

Crazy, mate I feel for you. You need to get out of there!

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