Hi there.
Some of you may know me as KimDonesia. I was quite a popular Muslim Youtuber and blogger. I appeared on TV in the Middle East, in magazines, on many blogs, on Turkish radio, etc. I was a role model Muslim who received praise from the majority of Muslims online, and "haram haram haram" from a lot of the stricter Muslims.
On my 18th birthday my 14-year-old dog had to be put down, which triggered a depression. I was at home all the time, and thought a lot about the Hereafter. I feared for my non-Muslim family, and was constantly praying for them to be guided to Islam so that they could be saved from eternal Jahannam (Hellfire). I even thought of making my death wish "you must convert to Islam before you all die".
Hello sister
Your decision to leave was based on emotions, not reason.
Your family was not going to Hellfire in the first place because the message of Islam had not reached them in the first place. It was a gross misunderstanding on your part.
One night, I had a long conversation with my mother and told her my worries. I explained to her that my perception of God was not the God in the Qur'an who constantly talked about punishment of Hell for the disbelievers... Seriously, that's what it's like. All throughout, it's basically "the disbelievers will go to Hell forever, and God is most Merciful, most Forgiving". I realized that I was only a Muslim out of fear of Hellfire, and being brainwashed.
It is true that the Quran constantly talks about punishment for the disbelievers, which is understandable because it is the last message from God, but it also talked about many other things.
So yes, I left Islam. I kept it all very private for a week because I was scared about the reactions of my online Muslim friends. I told some that I knew in real life, and they completely deserted me. "Kim, I can't be your friend anymore because you have insulted Islam."
What the fudge? So now, leaving a religion means that you're insulting it?
I "came out" on Youtube... In a video. And things went downhill with the Muslim community online. Most were in shock, some suspected that I was always a top secret spy who faked a conversion just to hurt Islam (*scoff* Yeah, right.), some wrote blog posts and articles about it, some were supportive as it's my decision, and MANY started calling me a cock sucking whore... Oh, and I wasn't that surprised when some started to give me death threats.
Several sisters said that you were rude to them when they contacted you after your video.
It went from famous Muslim, to infamous Murtad. It's amazing, and hypocritical, how people's perceptions of somebody can change based on religion/beliefs. I deleted my Youtube account again, as I fear for my safety. I have received multiple death threats, and I just don't want to put up with that shit anymore.
This is of course wrong, but understandable. I mean if a member here decides to convert to Islam I am sure all hell is going to break loose. You have to understand that religion is a very sensistive and emotional topic.
Don't get me wrong, I still respect Muslims. Islam was a big part of my life for quite a while. I simply disagree with Islam, for if there is a God (yup, 100% Agnostic now), He/She/It would not be so desperate for worship. People say "you need God, He doesn't need you". Doesn't seem like it.
God is not desperate for worship. He deserves worship because He is your Creator, just like your parents deserve your obedience because they delivered and raised you.
I'm so happy with my decision. I feel free... I can wear what I what, I can drink again (I missed intoxication), and I can live my life without worrying what foot I enter the bathroom with and whether I have prayed yet.
1. You can wear whatever you want in Islam. It just has to be decent clothing.
2. Alcohol is bad I believe. Personally I know several non-Muslims who do not drink alcohol.
3. You can enter the bathroom with any foot you want. It looks that you converted to a radical, strict version of "Islam".
4. You have to pray 5 times a day, but if that is so tiring, you can pray as many as you can.
It's funny that Muslims talk about Islam being a religion of peace when trying to bring people to Islam, but threaten to kill somebody who leaves Islam. *sigh* Gotta love double standards...
It is funny how you generalize over the entire community. Many people wished you good luck and supported you in your decision. I was one of them. As I said religion is a very emotional and sensitive topic. Nobody, not even atheists, likes to see someone leaving their fold.
I wish you return to YouTube as I believe we can have a fruitful discussion. I really believe your decision was emotional and illogical, and that you can revert to Islam once again.
Good luck in your life, and may God be with you.
Regards,
Topic: Famous Muslim to infamous Murtad