Hi
Salams
I don't know where to begin or how to begin. I thought that I would have my list of problems ready (along with hadeeths and quranic verses) but the list is getting really long and I have to do some serious editing.
Right now I don't know where I stand. I never thought I would be where I am now. My whole life I've had a clear plan. To be on the Tareek Al Mostakim. And now I have come to a fork in the road. I feel like crying. I feel sick to my stomach. I was born and raised Muslim and I choose to be a practising Muslim for the past 6 years. These past 2 weeks I've stopped praying, and I've started drinking, eating pork and well I am not religious in any way. And I'm afraid of dogma, I'm afraid of having mental blocks restricting me from being rational, critical and creative. Or being sexually repressed. I think these conditions hamper our well being and our personal progress. I feel sick to my stomach for the more I read and analyze and criticize objectively the more I realize that Islam might very well be man-made, in fact that would apply for all religions.
I have already several time to myself apostatized, but I still cling on but surely my grasp to Allah?s rope is weakening, I hang on now only with a dull feeling in my chest, not emotionally and not intellectually and not spiritually. How could I have been so wrong for long? All of us? What about the iman I felt inside my chest when I prayed? When I prayed with tears streaming down my eyes, choking, as I prayed for help and for forgiveness? What about the relief afterwards? Is this all for naught? What about the prophet? I once told myself I would kiss the sand that he walked upon. To love him. Emulate him. What about the afterlife? I was never really scared of hell. And the material and physical gifts of heaven never really allured me. It was the fact that I would be with God, the One, the True, the Only. To be surrounded by His love. To be with the highest companion as the prophet once said.
I will post a bio and the more detailed statements later on. Just wanted to say hi for now
Special salams to Hassan. You are wonderful. I loved reading your bio. And I hope one day I will have a chance to meet you and have one of those dark lagers you like so much
Peace to you my brother
And, BerberElla. You seem like a very intelligent person, funny, kind and hot as hell
I?m crushing haha. Please forgive me if I come off as rude and uncouth.
Oh and I'm a guy in my late 20's, originally from the middle-east, Shia muslim, Arab speaking, raised in Europe since I was a child. Can?t say much more for now.
Topic: My very first post here :)