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 Topic: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website

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  • Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     OP - December 30, 2009, 08:00 AM
    Dear Allah
    I'm crushing on this girl like hella mad. And I don't know how to approach her. Some of my friends say be a man and just go for it. Other say be easy, and ask her out on a date. If she says no then respect that and move on. Maybe, she'll change her mind in the future and will take the first step. In any case you need to move on.

    I'm so confused!! Please advise me  Smiley

    Regards
    Star-crossed lover

    Dear Star-crossed lover

    Sorry for not getting back to you earlier, I've been busy dictating my eternal word to a 7th century schmuck who keeps forgetting what I''ve passed on to him and hasn't yet learned how to read and write. *sigh* It might be middle-management fucking things up, but I doubt it (I can doubt, I am God after all. The Most Doubtful) Gabriel has been pretty trustworthy in the past and I find no reason for this to have changed.

    Here's my solution to your dilemma.

    Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah has guarded. As for those from whom you fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High Exalted, Great.

    Have fun  Wink

    Bestest Regards
    The Most Merciful
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #1 - December 30, 2009, 08:07 AM
    What do you guys say? I'm down for a collaboration with everybody.

    I also have the idea for a column called "Sexcapades" written by Mohammad the Love-Guru.

    Kafirist and Liberated are down to help.

    Anybody else? 
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #2 - December 30, 2009, 11:29 AM
    Could you elaborate ?
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #3 - December 30, 2009, 12:29 PM
    We've thought about creating a fake fatwa site before to take the piss out of real sites. Never worked out as no one could be bothered creating the site Tongue

    Good luck with this one. I'd help but I really need to start on my coursework and exam revision soon. I hate work :(
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #4 - December 30, 2009, 01:34 PM
    Quote from: BlackDog on December 30, 2009, 08:00 AM
    Dear Allah
    I'm crushing on this girl like hella mad. And I don't know how to approach her. Some of my friends say be a man and just go for it. Other say be easy, and ask her out on a date. If she says no then respect that and move on. Maybe, she'll change her mind in the future and will take the first step. In any case you need to move on.

    I'm so confused!! Please advise me  Smiley

    Regards
    Star-crossed lover

    Dear Star-crossed lover

    Sorry for not getting back to you earlier, I've been busy dictating my eternal word to a 7th century schmuck who keeps forgetting what I''ve passed on to him and hasn't yet learned how to read and write. *sigh* It might be middle-management fucking things up, but I doubt it (I can doubt, I am God after all.     The Most Doubtful) Gabriel has been pretty trustworthy in the past and I find no reason for this to have changed.

    Here's my solution to your dilemma.

    Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah has guarded. As for those from whom you fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High Exalted, Great.

    Have fun  Wink

    Bestest Regards
    The Most Merciful


    Cheesy
    ...
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #5 - December 30, 2009, 09:27 PM
    I would definitely like to be part of this, with whatever time I have. Let me know.
    [this space for rent]
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #6 - December 30, 2009, 09:34 PM
    I'm definitely down for this. I'll purchase the domain name ASAP, maybe later today.
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #7 - December 31, 2009, 12:53 AM
    hahaha lets do it Cheesy we can split the costs kaf? not sure what it would cost you
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #8 - December 31, 2009, 01:03 AM
    Sorry, I couldn't do it today. Gotta go out tonite, so prolly later. Domains cost less than ~15 a year, and I already have a separate wesbspace account for some other things I run. Don't worry about the money. Any good web designers here? Graphic artists? I'd imagine the site would be fairly simple in format initially.

    Any good samples for similar 'help' parody sites?
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #9 - December 31, 2009, 01:03 AM
    Here's one example:
       
         
    Web    www.bettybowers.com
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #10 - December 31, 2009, 01:21 AM
    Fuck... looks like www.askallah.com may be intentionally reserved...

    http://www.buydomains.com/find-premium-domains/search-results.jsp?keywords=www.askallah.com

    I think some Musulmans might have bought it and put a crazy price on as a way of thwarting us.

    The org and net versions are also taken. The canadian www.askallah.ca isn't. LOL
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #11 - December 31, 2009, 01:22 AM
    www.ask-allah.com is not taken however.


    EDIT:
    Done. www.ask-allah.com is ours!
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #12 - January 01, 2010, 04:21 AM
    lol

    http://www.ask-allah.com/
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #13 - January 01, 2010, 06:18 AM
    You people are crazy : D

    By the way, the "ask-Allah" name is alot better than "askallah".   Afro
    ...
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #14 - January 01, 2010, 06:58 AM
    Oh awesomesauce.  Cheesy This is rockin'. We oughta hide this though for max fun and games. No point broadcasting the ownership all over the net.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #15 - January 01, 2010, 10:08 AM
    ROTFL!!!

    ok people start writing!
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #16 - January 01, 2010, 12:48 PM
    Cheesy I like it!
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #17 - January 01, 2010, 03:21 PM
    Dear Allah
    When will I have my first period? I am already 17 and still have not had my first "period". My sister had hers when she was 14.
    Takes longer since I'm a boy?

    Please tell me whats wrong with me!!!
    Regards
    Chicken lover

    Dear Chicken lover
    Maybe you're pregnant. Lol jk.. Men get period around 140-150 years of age. Men usually dont make it there. You probably wont either. Dumbass.
     
    Kill yourself for asking such a retarded question.. I'll be waiting on the other side to burn you in hell.

    Bestest Regards
    The Most Merciful
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #18 - January 01, 2010, 03:31 PM
    Heres one...

    Dear Allah

    I'm having huge problems with believing in your existence. I've read all the arguments from reason for your existence and sad to say, they have huge gaping holes in them. Not only that, but the Quran simply pre-supposes your existence. Why can't you do a better job than the Quran and show to me that it's you that exists and no other diety. Why do have have to use the feeble excuse of making the "leap of faith"?

    Yours atheistically
    Omaar Khayaam


    I'll leave this as an exercise to see who can submit the best answer........
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #19 - January 01, 2010, 03:35 PM
    Quote from: Aa on January 01, 2010, 03:21 PM
    Dear Allah
    When will I have my first period? I am already 17 and still have not had my first "period". My sister had hers when she was 14.
    Takes longer since I'm a boy?

    Please tell me whats wrong with me!!!
    Regards
    Chicken lover

    Dear Chicken lover
    Maybe you're pregnant. Lol jk.. Men get period around 140-150 years of age. Men usually dont make it there. You probably wont either. Dumbass.
     
    Kill yourself for asking such a retarded question.. I'll be waiting on the other side to burn you in hell.

    Bestest Regards
    The Most Merciful


    LOL  Cheesy
    You reminded me of a South Park episode.
    "In every time and culture there are pressures to conform to the prevailing prejudices. But there are also, in every place and epoch, those who value the truth; who record the evidence faithfully. Future generations are in their debt." -Carl Sagan

  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #20 - January 01, 2010, 03:44 PM
    Quote from: Omaar Khayaam on January 01, 2010, 03:31 PM
    Heres one...

    Dear Allah

    I'm having huge problems with believing in your existence. I've read all the arguments from reason for your existence and sad to say, they have huge gaping holes in them. Not only that, but the Quran simply pre-supposes your existence. Why can't you do a better job than the Quran and show to me that it's you that exists and no other diety. Why do have have to use the feeble excuse of making the "leap of faith"?

    Yours atheistically
    Omaar Khayaam


    I'll leave this as an exercise to see who can submit the best answer........





    Because Allah knows best.




    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #21 - January 01, 2010, 05:01 PM
    Good job guys!  Cheesy

    For website template I think we can use something free and open source unless there's any designers here to help. http://oswd.org has lots of good free templates.

    We can use a simple wordpress installation to post the questions and answers and I can code a simple page for letting visitors of the site submit their questions and have them emailed to someone's email address? Any thoughts anyone?

    If we use wordpress for the site we can use a free wordpress template too, there are lots of them available.
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #22 - January 01, 2010, 05:47 PM
    lol looks like this  fatwa website is coming along pretty well.
    "The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves."
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #23 - January 01, 2010, 05:55 PM
    Kaff, if you want you can PM me the ftp info to the site, I can install wordpress on it and then we can decide on a design template to use. Let me know / pm if you want to discuss.
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #24 - January 01, 2010, 06:34 PM
    Quote from: Omaar Khayaam on January 01, 2010, 03:31 PM
    Heres one...

    Dear Allah

    I'm having huge problems with believing in your existence. I've read all the arguments from reason for your existence and sad to say, they have huge gaping holes in them. Not only that, but the Quran simply pre-supposes your existence. Why can't you do a better job than the Quran and show to me that it's you that exists and no other diety. Why do have have to use the feeble excuse of making the "leap of faith"?

    Yours atheistically
    Omaar Khayaam


    I'll leave this as an exercise to see who can submit the best answer........


    Dear OK,

    The Big G is busy right now and  asked me to reply on his better half.  He understands your dilemma but suggests taking your head out of your arse might improve your vision.

    Yours

    Lillith
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #25 - January 01, 2010, 06:57 PM
    Quote from: lightrays on January 01, 2010, 06:34 PM
    Dear OK,

    The Big G is busy right now and  asked me to reply on his better half.  He understands your dilemma but suggests taking your head out of your arse might improve your vision.

    Yours

    Lillith


    Anyone else without the tendency for ad-homs?
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #26 - January 01, 2010, 07:59 PM
    Quote from: Omaar Khayaam on January 01, 2010, 03:31 PM
    Heres one...

    Dear Allah

    I'm having huge problems with believing in your existence. I've read all the arguments from reason for your existence and sad to say, they have huge gaping holes in them. Not only that, but the Quran simply pre-supposes your existence. Why can't you do a better job than the Quran and show to me that it's you that exists and no other diety. Why do have have to use the feeble excuse of making the "leap of faith"?

    Yours atheistically
    Omaar Khayaam


    I'll leave this as an exercise to see who can submit the best answer........


    ^This is good.

    Serious questions I like. We should stick to blackdog's initial Q&A as the main model to work off. Basically: real question about real life or serious intellectual issue and the answer should be one that's seriously rooted in the Quran and hadiths but with a comical twist.

    I can easily guess a comical answer to this to be involving some very typical flawed arguments about design, except from Allah's perspective. Also we can throw in Quranic references to not asking too many questions and such.
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #27 - January 01, 2010, 08:02 PM
    Quote from: Heyjustlooking on January 01, 2010, 05:47 PM
    lol looks like this  fatwa website is coming along pretty well.


    Not really, lots of work to do. I want this one to be good! The thing I published so far is just Blackdog's bit that I just pasted into the index page.


    Thanks for the tips Liberated! The only publishing tools I've used is Joomla! and Dreamweaver (which Im not good at!). I'll have to look through some other options for and web designs to see what direction we should go. If any of you have web design experience and are interested in helping out we'd love to get some help. I'm a pretty much a novice at this shit.
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #28 - January 01, 2010, 10:19 PM
    Kaff, I think using Wordpress will be the easiest way to get started. Wordpress is a blogging tool and the best for this kind of stuff IMO because you can also add categories etc to it, Joomla is also a possibility but Wordpress is simpler and the best tool for this site IMO. Wordpress also has a lot of free templates available with good designs that can be used. I can install wordpress on the site for you if you want, and when you select which theme/template you want to use, I can install that too

    Then you basically go into the admin of wordpress and post new articles for every question, its fairly simple.

    The following site has got lots of good templates which are free:
    http://wordpressthemesbase.com/

    If you do want I can code a page for you where visitors can submit their questions and have them stored in a database or emailed to someone, whichever you'd prefer.

    Let me know if you need any more help. I'd love for this site to be launched, it won't be too nice for it to just sit here and us to never get started!  Cheesy
  • Re: Project for CEMB forum. AskAllah Website
     Reply #29 - January 01, 2010, 10:24 PM
    Quote from: Omaar Khayaam on January 01, 2010, 03:31 PM
    Heres one...

    Dear Allah

    I'm having huge problems with believing in your existence. I've read all the arguments from reason for your existence and sad to say, they have huge gaping holes in them. Not only that, but the Quran simply pre-supposes your existence. Why can't you do a better job than the Quran and show to me that it's you that exists and no other diety. Why do have have to use the feeble excuse of making the "leap of faith"?

    Yours atheistically
    Omaar Khayaam


    I'll leave this as an exercise to see who can submit the best answer........

    Dear Mr QuestionALot

    I lead astray whomever I will and guide whomever I will, this has been made clear in the Quran for you all. I will only lead you into the solace of my religion when you make the leap of faith for me. I do not want a bunch of annoying sceptics in my heaven as they all piss me off with their constant questioning! "Why do you need us to worship you Allah?", "What is the meaning of life Allah?", "I don't think these rivers of milk and honey are very hygienic Allah", "Why do we need to see the bone marrows of these houris Allah?". I have a universe to run for my sake! I have no time for annoying brats like you! Have fun burning in hell!!

    Yours theistically
    God.
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
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