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 Topic: Berbs Blog, much madness within

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  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1260 - September 21, 2009, 06:49 AM
    I broke up with the new guy this weekend.

    I'd been thinking about it on and off for a couple of weeks now, and although he is a nice guy, I just didn't really see myself with him in the future, there was something missing for me, and of course I do get bored quite easily.

    So I broke it off after seeing him 1 last time on saturday, I left when he was asleep and it was still dark outside lol and sent him a text explaining I wasn't ready to settle down and that although I'd had fun, it had come to it's end now.

    I haven't answered the phone to him since.

    I know it's the cowards way out, but I honestly don't care.  He kept pressuring me to commit, to meet his mum, and all of that crap.  He kept talking about making plans for the future, and to me that's scary talk right there.

    Right now I just want to have fun, I don't want to talk about the future, I don't want to fall in love, I don't want to find myself hoping for more from anyone, I just want to have fun, no pressure.

    If he had been capable of that, if he had stopped harping on about the future, then we could have carried on having good sex for a bit longer, still if there is one thing I have taken from this (aside from alot more sexual experience lol) it is that I'm no longer afraid of getting out there and having the kind of fun I;m after.

    You will remember how stressed out about meeting this guy that I originally was, well that's all a distant memory now.

    So, I'm now single again, and I feel much better for it.   dance

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1261 - September 21, 2009, 07:17 AM
    Well done Berbs, I think you made the right decision Afro
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1262 - September 21, 2009, 07:21 AM
    I have noticed the renewed go-getting attitude in your life, I am sure it will pay dividends and long may it continue..
    My Book     news002       
    My Blog  pccoffee
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1263 - September 21, 2009, 07:23 AM
    When 1 door closes, another one opens... Wink
    Twitter: https://twitter.com/ExMuslims
    Council of Ex-Muslims of the Netherlands will be back!

    Never doubt that a small group of commited people can change te world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. -Margaret Mead
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1264 - September 21, 2009, 07:24 AM
    Even the back door Afro
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1265 - September 21, 2009, 07:27 AM
     Cheesy

    No seriously, I'm on a mini break now.

    Although I have met 2 other guys I'm semi interested in, and a girl, I'm in serious need of some down time right now.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1266 - September 21, 2009, 02:30 PM
    Good to hear you feel better about yourself.

    And good luck!
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1267 - September 21, 2009, 02:33 PM
    Thats the spirit Berbs, I wish I could be like you.
    Take the Pakman challenge and convince me there is a God and Mo was not a murdering, power hungry sex maniac.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1268 - September 21, 2009, 03:07 PM
    Why?  I feel shitty today, he isn't taking it all that well and has now progressed to nasty texts about how I've used him and now I feel like a really bad person.

    So don't wish to be like me, wish to be better.  Cry
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1269 - September 21, 2009, 03:12 PM
    Well dumping him by text was a pretty shitty thing to do and then ignoring his phone calls, what do you expect?

    How would you have liked it if someone you loved had done the same thing to you -  Why dont you call him at least?
    My Book     news002       
    My Blog  pccoffee
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1270 - September 21, 2009, 03:12 PM
    I don't think you dumped him in the best possible way, in fact that was quite cruel Berbs. I'm not surprised by all the nasty texts. Best you can do is call him and apologise for dumping him like that.
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1271 - September 21, 2009, 03:16 PM
    Love?  what makes you think love is involved? 

    And as it happens I would prefer to be dumped that way, that would be much better since if it hurt, they wouldn't see my reaction.

    You really can't play the "how would you like it" since I would like it that way.

    What would have been better?  taking a risk and doing it face to face?

    The first time my ex ever slapped me it was because I was attempting to break up with him, I'm not putting myself out there like that just yet. So then what?  phone call?  I will, when I am ready, email?  he doesn't have an email address? letter?  too long, so texts why not?

    Who says you can't dump someone by text?  when did that law get enforced?   
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1272 - September 21, 2009, 03:19 PM
    Quote from: PeruvianSkies on September 21, 2009, 03:12 PM
    I don't think you dumped him in the best possible way, in fact that was quite cruel Berbs. I'm not surprised by all the nasty texts. Best you can do is call him and apologise for dumping him like that.


    Me neither, but all it did was show me who he really is.  I would never get nasty by text, my ex was nasty, I am fucking thankful that I see this side now.  Afro

    Look, I do know that it was wrong, because hey, everyone has made a law that dumping shouldn't happen by text (why not, no idea, after all it's still a form of communication and it's what I feel comfortable with right now). So I will call him later, if only to tell him I think he is a nasty piece of work.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1273 - September 21, 2009, 03:21 PM
    I agree with you there. While some may not like it, text is still a fair notification-and it fits your lack of confidence and aversion to conflict and there isn't anything wrong with that.

    Even if his feelings are hurt by this, it's still very unfair to act nasty and there is no excuse for that.

    I don't see that you've done anything wrong.
    "I am ready to make my confession. I ask for no forgiveness father, for I have not sinned. I have only done what I needed to do to survive. I did not ask for the life that I was given, but it was given nonetheless-and with it, I did my best"
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1274 - September 21, 2009, 03:27 PM
    Quote from: HenriMonier on September 21, 2009, 03:21 PM
    I agree with you there. While some may not like it, text is still a fair notification-and it fits your lack of confidence and aversion to conflict and there isn't anything wrong with that.

    Even if his feelings are hurt by this, it's still very unfair to act nasty and there is no excuse for that.

    I don't see that you've done anything wrong.


    Agreed, I'm glad that I know this now.  And thank you for understanding my position, I'm not ready for direct confrontation, I do know it wasn't the bravest way to go about it, but I didn't leave him hanging, a text is still communication and I have no idea why people think it's the worst way to go about it.

    Wouldn't it have been far worse for me to just not tell him anything at all?
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1275 - September 21, 2009, 03:34 PM
    To be able to enter and leave sexual liasons without fear is a great skill but one I am not able to partake in at the moment. But I do believe in setting peoples expectations at the right level. If I was only interested in screwing a girl I wouldn't make her think I want to marry her. Both parties need to be clear fom the start.

    P.S. I'm not suggesting you did that Berbs.
    Take the Pakman challenge and convince me there is a God and Mo was not a murdering, power hungry sex maniac.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1276 - September 21, 2009, 03:40 PM
    Sorry, but I can see why he sent nasty texts. He's frustrated, he thought he had something going with you, then you dump him by text, and leave him hanging, not answering his calls so he can try to understand why, if there's something wrong with him, what he can do to change, etc. Undecided
    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1277 - September 21, 2009, 04:21 PM
    Call me an old-fashioned fool, Berbs, but that's a terrible way to dump someone. Did he really deserve that?
    Look not above, there is no answer there;
    Pray not, for no one listens to your prayer;
    Near is as near to God as any Far,
    And Here is just the same deceit as There.

    - Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1278 - September 21, 2009, 05:43 PM
    I know.  I'm a bitch, a cowardly one at that.  Cry

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1279 - September 21, 2009, 07:11 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on September 21, 2009, 05:43 PM
    I know.  I'm a bitch, a cowardly one at that.  Cry




    It's not the way I would have gone about it, but you know best what you have already been through and didn't want to take the risk of being slapped in the face again. If thats what you thought might have happened?
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1280 - September 21, 2009, 08:26 PM
    I think what you did was perfectly normal actually. Its not like you were together for years.
    Take the Pakman challenge and convince me there is a God and Mo was not a murdering, power hungry sex maniac.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1281 - September 21, 2009, 08:59 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on September 21, 2009, 03:16 PM
    Love?  what makes you think love is involved? 

    And as it happens I would prefer to be dumped that way, that would be much better since if it hurt, they wouldn't see my reaction.

    You really can't play the "how would you like it" since I would like it that way.

    What would have been better?  taking a risk and doing it face to face?

    The first time my ex ever slapped me it was because I was attempting to break up with him, I'm not putting myself out there like that just yet. So then what?  phone call?  I will, when I am ready, email?  he doesn't have an email address? letter?  too long, so texts why not?

    Who says you can't dump someone by text?  when did that law get enforced?   


    Depends what the content of the text was. If it was something along the lines of "kthnxbai" then yeah, that was a crappy way to deal with it. The reason he is sending nasty texts is because he thinks you have been nasty. There's a reason for that. Deal.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1282 - September 21, 2009, 09:56 PM
    Quote
    Depends what the content of the text was. If it was something along the lines of "kthnxbai" then yeah, that was a crappy way to deal with it. The reason he is sending nasty texts is because he thinks you have been nasty. There's a reason for that. Deal.


    No, the text was this:

    Quote
    It's not anything you've done, honestly, this is about my own insecurities and the fact that I don't think it's going to get any easier for you as time goes on, I'm likely just going to get worse, become more emotionally needy in a way that I personally would prefer to deal with alone.  I've had a great time with you, but I'm stepping back now. I need to get my head together and I can't do that whilst trying to cope with new feelings or stresses that a relationship would bring.  I do really hope that we can remain friends, I just feel that at this present time I am not healthy enough to continue in this relationship.  It would just be alot of drama for you .  I'm sorry.


    Which isn't kthxbai.  I felt I explained myself.

    Anyway I phoned him, I spoke to him for about an hour, he seems unable to understand why I would allow my insecurities to destroy what he thought was a good thing, I tried explaining to him that it's neither rational nor logical, my reactions, but that they were my reactions and they were not easily let go of.

    I don't think he gets it, I think he still believes that in time he can convince me otherwise, still I feel less guilty because I spoke to him and in time he will come to accept that we are over.




    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1283 - September 21, 2009, 10:03 PM
    Ok cool. Best you can do then.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1284 - September 21, 2009, 10:09 PM
    Whatever-- you don't need to feel bad about how you dumped him. You haven't been dating him all that long and you were considerably less of an asshole about how you broke up with him than I am about stuff like that-- comparatively you're a fuckin angel. Seriously, though, it was a short relationship, and although a face-to-face woulda been better (but I'm a bigger coward than you when it comes to that so I can't really judge), it sounds like your text and phone call at least met the minimum requirements of decorum.

    Well, good luck on your "break", if you start to get uncontrollably horny between now and your next lay, you are more than welcome to masturbate to me. No, no...no thanks necessary, just doin my part to help.
    fuck you
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1285 - September 21, 2009, 11:43 PM
    Not with old man Ronnie staring back at her Q-Man, no way. piggy
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1286 - September 22, 2009, 12:15 AM
    Well, honestly, Jack, I figured she'd be engaging in autoerotic fixation on El Q-Hombre Verdad, but maybe you're right and I need a sexier photo. I'll get right on that.
    fuck you
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1287 - September 22, 2009, 12:42 AM
    Speaking from personal experience, I've broken up with girls through texts, but I did call afterward to set things straight. I didn't find the text part as disturbing as the part where you left while he was sleeping.

    That, I thought was very cowardly.
    Call me TAP TAP! for I am THE ASS PATTER!
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1288 - September 22, 2009, 06:25 AM
    Why is that?

    I didn't feel like sleeping there the night and he was passed out, why should I put myself through waiting for him to wake up before I left?

    Anyway you know what, I don't really care this morning anyway.   Afro
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #1289 - September 22, 2009, 08:41 AM
    Will I ever be ready to date without sabotaging it all from the start?

    I honestly don't know, this has all been a bit upsetting for me, no matter what pakman thinks about me being able to enter and leave a sexual thing easily, it wasn't.

    I never wanted to hurt anybody, I just dived in because if I over thought it I never would have gone to that BBQ.  I certainly got plenty of encouragement from everyone to just give it a go, and I did, but obviously I wasn't ready.

    What I want, what I crave and need I can not allow myself to have.  It was easy to have sex, but it was empty and I knew it.  That's why I instigated the sexual part of it so quickly, by placing it on a fling level I didn't need to worry about having my feelings hurt, because I buried them where no one could reach them.

    Now someone else is hurt because I was only thinking of myself and of course labelling all men as not trustworthy.  I didn't even think this would hurt him because I don't believe I am special enough to cause anyone hurt.  People need to care about you to feel hurt by the things you do, and I just don't believe that anyone could ever care about me like that, so every choice I made recently was only about my feelings, because only I could have them (if I allowed myself to).

    This guy keeps texting me, even after that conversation and breaking up verbally was hard enough the first time round, to think I have to explain this all over again is frustrating because I honestly don't want to hurt him more than I have already, but it seems I am and will continue to do so and yes that makes me feel shitty and gives many of you a chance to say how shitty I am too.

    Meh, back to the drawing board.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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