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 Topic: Berbs Blog, much madness within

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  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #780 - May 31, 2008, 11:04 PM
    Quote from: Serquet11 on May 31, 2008, 10:56 PM
    From your earlier posts, I just wanted to say that I think your ability to forgive your stepmother is commendable.  She is very fortunate to have you as a step daughter and it is very kind of you to help alleviate some of the guilt that chokes at her miserable life.  She undoubtedly has desperately needed your compassion considering her depression.  I think that it shows your indomitable strength.  I respect you even more now.  Smiley

    Who knows, perhaps your kindness mixed with your liberation has secretly inspired her that there is more to life that what she has lived, done and accepted.  Something gave her the guts to take english classes.  

    I agree and understand the whole wishing you weren't so nice, loving, forgiving, etc.  It causes the wrong sort to perceive you as weak or try to use you as a door mat.  That's when you can turn around and show your other side Wink.  Anyway, it is an admirable quality and the world would be so different if everyone was more like you.

    So, not to counter you, but I think this type of forgiveness is a definite strength.


    Well thanks serquet  Smiley, honestly I have spent the last four years trying to toughen up and stop forgiving because so many people used that to their advantage.  When someone says to you "What does it matter, you'll forgive me anyway, you are that pathetic" then you know it has to change somewhere.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #781 - May 31, 2008, 11:06 PM
    Quote from: osmanthus on May 31, 2008, 11:03 PM
    Yup. Forgiveness is not (necessarily) the same as being a doormat. Being a doormat is no good at all.


    I thought I was making the distinction by saying "too forgiving" which I have been saying is the weakness.  Too forgiving = doormat.  wacko
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #782 - May 31, 2008, 11:41 PM
    Quote from: osmanthus on May 31, 2008, 11:03 PM
    Yup. Forgiveness is not (necessarily) the same as being a doormat. Being a doormat is no good at all.



    You're right, forgiveness is most definitely not being a doormat, but it's not forgiveness's fault that some mistake it that way.
    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #783 - June 01, 2008, 01:01 AM
    Quote from: Cheetah on May 31, 2008, 11:02 PM
    Quote from: Serquet11 on May 31, 2008, 10:56 PM
    From your earlier posts, I just wanted to say that I think your ability to forgive your stepmother is commendable.  She is very fortunate to have you as a step daughter and it is very kind of you to help alleviate some of the guilt that chokes at her miserable life.  She undoubtedly has desperately needed your compassion considering her depression.  I think that it shows your indomitable strength.  I respect you even more now.  Smiley

    Who knows, perhaps your kindness mixed with your liberation has secretly inspired her that there is more to life that what she has lived, done and accepted.  Something gave her the guts to take english classes.  

    I agree and understand the whole wishing you weren't so nice, loving, forgiving, etc.  It causes the wrong sort to perceive you as weak or try to use you as a door mat.  That's when you can turn around and show your other side Wink.  Anyway, it is an admirable quality and the world would be so different if everyone was more like you.

    So, not to counter you, but I think this type of forgiveness is a definite strength.


    Serquett,
    I take it you also think forgiveness is showing weakness? I am surprised at how wrong I seem to be in thinking it a strength.


    That is not what I am saying at all cheetah.  Reread.  Smiley
    Mohammed ordered Kinana b. al Rabi' to be gruesomely tortured and then decapitated.  The 'prophet' then 'married' Kinana's wife, Safiyya.  He had her husband, her father and her people killed.  

    Sirat Rasul Allah by Ibn Ishaq 

    Mohammed was a rapist and a murderer.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #784 - June 01, 2008, 02:28 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on May 31, 2008, 11:04 PM
    Well thanks serquet  Smiley, honestly I have spent the last four years trying to toughen up and stop forgiving because so many people used that to their advantage.  When someone says to you "What does it matter, you'll forgive me anyway, you are that pathetic" then you know it has to change somewhere.


    Totally.  You can kick those people to the curb!   Afro  They are the pathetic ones.
    Mohammed ordered Kinana b. al Rabi' to be gruesomely tortured and then decapitated.  The 'prophet' then 'married' Kinana's wife, Safiyya.  He had her husband, her father and her people killed.  

    Sirat Rasul Allah by Ibn Ishaq 

    Mohammed was a rapist and a murderer.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #785 - June 01, 2008, 08:10 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on May 31, 2008, 09:52 PM
    Quote from: Cheetah on May 31, 2008, 09:49 PM


    Do you not want others to forgive you ever?


    Sure, but being too forgiving is what I call a weakness, not having some forgiveness, I thought I had made the distinction clear  wacko.

    It was being too forgiving that got me into that mess with my ex.  Eventually you have to stop forgiving right?  to carry on is just pathetic.  ( I speak from pathetic experience )


    you are mixing up forgiveness and letting people go on hurting you.
    you could have forgiven him (if you could) but still left him, unless he changed his behaviour. there is no necessary link between the two.

    And "toughen up" is a notion I dislike. We should do what we think is right, whether others laugh about us is immaterial. THAT is true strength.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #786 - June 01, 2008, 09:05 AM
    Quote from: diotima on June 01, 2008, 08:10 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on May 31, 2008, 09:52 PM
    Quote from: Cheetah on May 31, 2008, 09:49 PM


    Do you not want others to forgive you ever?


    Sure, but being too forgiving is what I call a weakness, not having some forgiveness, I thought I had made the distinction clear  wacko.

    It was being too forgiving that got me into that mess with my ex.  Eventually you have to stop forgiving right?  to carry on is just pathetic.  ( I speak from pathetic experience )


    you are mixing up forgiveness and letting people go on hurting you.
    you could have forgiven him (if you could) but still left him, unless he changed his behaviour. there is no necessary link between the two.

    And "toughen up" is a notion I dislike. We should do what we think is right, whether others laugh about us is immaterial. THAT is true strength.



    Quite right Dio, well said old girl.

    ''Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were."

    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #787 - June 01, 2008, 09:08 AM
    Old Girl??? Pffff! Am still years younger than you!  So na-nana-naaanaaaaaah! Tongue
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #788 - June 01, 2008, 09:15 AM
    Quote from: diotima on June 01, 2008, 09:08 AM
    Old Girl??? Pffff! Am still years younger than you!  So na-nana-naaanaaaaaah! Tongue


    Smiley it's a mtter of specch, dear thing.

    And here are more, obviously 'wrong', according to serquett and Berbs, will let Iggy off coz she too little Wink

    'Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another. You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk. It's your move.'

    'It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on.'

    'The hatred you're carrying is a live coal in your heart - far more damaging to yourself than to them.'

    'The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.'

    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #789 - June 01, 2008, 10:44 AM
    Thanks for those totally uninspiring quotes jack  Afro, I really don't care how much you guys bang on about forgiveness being some super special wonderful gift you give yourself, because you and cheetah have totally missed my point.  Roll Eyes

    I also find it hypocritical to be told about the wonders of forgiveness from anyone who is even less forgiving than I am, themselves.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #790 - June 01, 2008, 11:22 AM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2008, 10:44 AM
    Thanks for those totally uninspiring quotes jack  Afro, I really don't care how much you guys bang on about forgiveness being some super special wonderful gift you give yourself, because you and cheetah have totally missed my point.  Roll Eyes

    I also find it hypocritical to be told about the wonders of forgiveness from anyone who is even less forgiving than I am, themselves.


    Who isn't forgiving then, and why? And if that's the case, you should be happy you're healthy, not at all victimised and bitter, philosophy is spreading Cheesy
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #791 - June 01, 2008, 12:42 PM
    Maybe you should start up a 'cult of Berbs' B, based on reversing traditionally perceived wisdom? It's all well and good doing it 'my way' and everything, but it might not leave you in the strongest position at the end of the day.
    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #792 - June 01, 2008, 12:44 PM
    Quote from: Cheetah on June 01, 2008, 12:42 PM
    Maybe you should start up a 'cult of Berbs' B, based on reversing traditionally perceived wisdom? It's all well and good doing it 'my way' and everything, but it might not leave you in the strongest position at the end of the day.


    Who wants to start up a cult, who is asking any one to see this my way, who is saying mine is more wise than yours?

    These are my views and if I didn't challenge traditionally percieved wisdom wouldn't I still be a muslim?   Roll Eyes

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #793 - June 01, 2008, 12:50 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2008, 12:44 PM
    Quote from: Cheetah on June 01, 2008, 12:42 PM
    Maybe you should start up a 'cult of Berbs' B, based on reversing traditionally perceived wisdom? It's all well and good doing it 'my way' and everything, but it might not leave you in the strongest position at the end of the day.


    Who wants to start up a cult, who is asking any one to see this my way, who is saying mine is more wise than yours?

    These are my views and if I didn't challenge traditionally percieved wisdom wouldn't I still be a muslim?   Roll Eyes




    Its good that you challenged traditionally perceived wisdom and left Islam, its just a bit worrying that you seem to be replacing it with other wrong beliefs, eg, forgiveness means being weak and letting someone do it again.
    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #794 - June 01, 2008, 01:05 PM
    Quote from: Cheetah on June 01, 2008, 12:50 PM

    Its good that you challenged traditionally perceived wisdom and left Islam, its just a bit worrying that you seem to be replacing it with other wrong beliefs, eg, forgiveness means being weak and letting someone do it again.


    It's worrying that you can't see all the posts where I point out that it's not just forgiveness, it's being too forgiving, and I think it's worrying if a person can't see how being too forgiving could be a problem.

    It's not even that big of a deal since it doesn't effect you or Jack, it's a personal thing that can easily change in time.

    I mean serquet's nauseous post (as jack put it) actually made me see that maybe being forgiving wasn't something to be ashamed of, but that might be because she understood where I was coming from and didn't leap on me for saying it.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #795 - June 01, 2008, 01:08 PM
    I wasn't leaping on you either, it just struck as me as worrying if you base standing up for yourself on anger and lack of forgiveness, because if you do that then once the anger has gone you will end up letting them do it again.

    Still you seem to get that anyway, so fair enough.
    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #796 - June 01, 2008, 01:10 PM
    There are obviously big reasons why I have come to view my forgiving side as a weakness, and I've said tough love (or feeling under attack) doesn't work for me, yet that's how I felt when you and jack decided to descend and point out all the flaws in my thinking.

    I am thoroughly ashamed of being too nice, I am trying really hard to change that side of me for my own reasons, if it's wrong it's wrong but at the end of the day a few sarcastic posts off of Jack aren't going to change that, they are just going to make it worse.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Stepping down as admin
     Reply #797 - June 01, 2008, 01:27 PM
    My time online has come to an end, I need to get away from the pc and into real life now so I will be stepping down as admin in the next couple of days, for as long as it takes Os to replace me and for them to cut my internet connection for me.

    I've been wanting to leave for a few weeks now because I don't think being here is really good for me long term.

    There is so much I have to sort out and for some reason I am unable to srike a healthy balance between this place and real life.

    Plus I just need some space from the constant flame wars I seem to get into lol I am a little too sensitive to let most of the insults bounce of me and end up taking them to heart which is part of why being here is so bad for me.

    I just want to get stuck into living, get on with enjoying my kids and building a happier life for them and myself.

    I'll be here for a few days yet, but just wanted to inform you all of my decision. Big hug to those who have helped me over my time online.

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #798 - June 01, 2008, 01:51 PM
    Oh well I don't know what to say... Other then just come back after spending some time away from the net.
    Left the forum: http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=22997
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #799 - June 01, 2008, 02:03 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2008, 12:44 PM
    Quote from: Cheetah on June 01, 2008, 12:42 PM
    Maybe you should start up a 'cult of Berbs' B, based on reversing traditionally perceived wisdom? It's all well and good doing it 'my way' and everything, but it might not leave you in the strongest position at the end of the day.


    Who wants to start up a cult, who is asking any one to see this my way, who is saying mine is more wise than yours?

    These are my views and if I didn't challenge traditionally percieved wisdom wouldn't I still be a muslim?   Roll Eyes




    Baby, bath water, springs to mind. And if you're not asking anyone to see things from your angle, what are doing? And what's wrong with that? You are always accusing others of doing it, me especially, which is daft too from whose viewpoint should I be posting? Serquett? If people didn't jump down your throat when they disagree, something you have encouraged enormously by example, then it would actually be all the more boring for it. Why not just take that on board and stay on. You keep saying you can be too emotional, well I'm sure this is one of many opportunities that come to pass, to not act like that?
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #800 - June 01, 2008, 02:08 PM
    Quote from: Jack Torrance on June 01, 2008, 02:03 PM


    Baby, bath water, springs to mind. And if you're not asking anyone to see things from your angle, what are doing? And what's wrong with that? You are always accusing others of doing it, me especially, which is daft too from whose viewpoint should I be posting? Serquett? If people didn't jump down your throat when they disagree, something you have encouraged enormously by example, then it would actually be all the more boring for it. Why not just take that on board and stay on. You keep saying you can be too emotional, well I'm sure this is one of many opportunities that come to pass, to not act like that?


    If throwing out the baby with the bathwater is what it takes to protect from whatever it is I seek to protect myself from is what it takes, then whats the big deal?

    Also I'm not stepping down over this lol I can take things on board (which I have done, but your too slow to pick up on) without needing to hang out here.

    I have wanted to leave for ages now, the only thing that kept me here was a sense of duty to see out the term I commited to when I agreed to help start up this forum.

    I am leaving for the sake of my family in the real world, for the sake of my court case, for the sake of my sanity. 

    I wrote out the resignation letter to Os last week, so believe me this is no emotional reaction to anything you have said.  Roll Eyes  You credit yourself a bit too much mate.
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #801 - June 01, 2008, 02:17 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2008, 02:08 PM
    Quote from: Jack Torrance on June 01, 2008, 02:03 PM


    Baby, bath water, springs to mind. And if you're not asking anyone to see things from your angle, what are doing? And what's wrong with that? You are always accusing others of doing it, me especially, which is daft too from whose viewpoint should I be posting? Serquett? If people didn't jump down your throat when they disagree, something you have encouraged enormously by example, then it would actually be all the more boring for it. Why not just take that on board and stay on. You keep saying you can be too emotional, well I'm sure this is one of many opportunities that come to pass, to not act like that?


    If throwing out the baby with the bathwater is what it takes to protect from whatever it is I seek to protect myself from is what it takes, then whats the big deal?

    Also I'm not stepping down over this lol I can take things on board (which I have done, but your too slow to pick up on) without needing to hang out here.

    I have wanted to leave for ages now, the only thing that kept me here was a sense of duty to see out the term I commited to when I agreed to help start up this forum.

    I am leaving for the sake of my family in the real world, for the sake of my court case, for the sake of my sanity. 

    I wrote out the resignation letter to Os last week, so believe me this is no emotional reaction to anything you have said.  Roll Eyes  You credit yourself a bit too much mate.


    Well thats good then.
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #802 - June 01, 2008, 02:21 PM
    I think it's the best thing to do, I really don't like how angry and bitter I sound all of the time.  I just need a good breather and to start actually living a little.

    I hide here and make up these wild ways to protect myself from being hurt but I'm not living anymore. 

    I'm starting annoying pointless arguements and taking my anger out on random people.  I just don't think it's good for me.

    You've been right often enough to say that a day to stop whining and start actually living has to come and that day has come for me.  Afro

    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #803 - June 01, 2008, 02:29 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2008, 02:21 PM
    I think it's the best thing to do, I really don't like how angry and bitter I sound all of the time.  I just need a good breather and to start actually living a little.

    I hide here and make up these wild ways to protect myself from being hurt but I'm not living anymore. 

    I'm starting annoying pointless arguements and taking my anger out on random people.  I just don't think it's good for me.

    You've been right often enough to say that a day to stop whining and start actually living has to come and that day has come for me.  Afro





    I have to say, I've never been sure about forums and what contribution they really make to anything, they can be fun and they can be a bit addictive too and can bring out a lot of nastiness that people would never say face to face, in all of us, like we're not real people here. Homo E was a good example of someone that 'hated' me and me him, and then after just a couple of 'normal' emails outside the forum and it's all completely different, so it shouldnt be taken too seriously, I don't think. Of course I want it all to work out for you, me and everyone to be happy, coz it makes a nicer world like that Smiley
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #804 - June 01, 2008, 02:41 PM
    Quote from: Jack Torrance on June 01, 2008, 02:29 PM



    I have to say, I've never been sure about forums and what contribution they really make to anything, they can be fun and they can be a bit addictive too and can bring out a lot of nastiness that people would never say face to face, in all of us, like we're not real people here. Homo E was a good example of someone that 'hated' me and me him, and then after just a couple of 'normal' emails outside the forum and it's all completely different, so it shouldnt be taken too seriously, I don't think. Of course I want it all to work out for you, me and everyone to be happy, coz it makes a nicer world like that Smiley


    I still believe that forums can be good to start off with, because I've learned alot about myself during my time online, but like all things that can be addictive with no moderation it can do damage too.

    I had no one to talk to when I first left Islam, no one who understood at least and thanks to forums I have had that. 

    I just stayed in them for longer than was healthy lol

    I mean when i first started using a forum I would still do so many real life things, but now I barely leave the pc except to do essentials  Roll Eyes, that is really over board.

    It's all good, I'm not going to beat myself up over it, like I said I learned alot about myself.  I doubt I would have had the chance to speak to so many diverse people from so many different social classes without the time I've spent online. 

    I know a bit more now and I also know just how much there is that i don't know, so I gained some wisdom along the way.  grin12
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #805 - June 01, 2008, 02:45 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2008, 02:41 PM

    I know a bit more now and I also know just how much there is that i don't know, so I gained some wisdom along the way.  grin12


    You and me both Afro

    The time issue spent online is probably the unhealthiest aspect IMO.
    Ha Ha.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #806 - June 01, 2008, 02:48 PM
    Quote from: Jack Torrance on June 01, 2008, 02:45 PM
    Quote from: BerberElla on June 01, 2008, 02:41 PM

    I know a bit more now and I also know just how much there is that i don't know, so I gained some wisdom along the way.  grin12


    You and me both Afro

    The time issue spent online is probably the unhealthiest aspect IMO.


    Without a doubt.  wacko
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #807 - June 01, 2008, 03:07 PM
    Quote
    I just want to get stuck into living, get on with enjoying my kids and building a happier life for them and myself.


    Good for you Afro 

    I mean, sorry to see you go, but you're making a good decision for yourself.  Hopefully, you'll pop in and say hello to us now and then anyway. Smiley
    "Befriend them not, Oh murtads, and give them neither parrot nor bunny."  - happymurtad's advice on trolls.
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #808 - June 01, 2008, 03:18 PM
    am sorry to see you go, Berbs, as I told you already... but it looks like it´s the right thing for you personally, so go for it!
  • Re: Berbs Blog, much madness within
     Reply #809 - June 01, 2008, 03:59 PM
    Thanks guys  Smiley, I do believe wholeheartedly that this is one of my better decisions lol
    Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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