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 Topic: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?

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  • Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     OP - March 25, 2010, 09:25 PM
    I used to give the Friday sermon in the masjid at Islamia School sometimes.


     grin12
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #1 - March 25, 2010, 09:33 PM
    I was offered the opportunity sometimes. But I feared Riya at the time, so I decided not to do it. Weird I know lol
    "The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself."
    ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

    "I think religion is just like smoking: Both invented by people, addictive, harmful, and kills!"
    ~RIBS
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #2 - March 25, 2010, 09:36 PM

    Did anything funny ever happen when you were doing them? Like someone fainted or you got the giggles  Grin

    Did you ever give any fire and brimstone ones  Angry

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #3 - March 25, 2010, 09:37 PM
    Quote from: Cool Canadian on March 25, 2010, 09:33 PM
    I was offered the opportunity sometimes. But I feared Riya at the time, so I decided not to do it. Weird I know lol


    lol I know what you mean - I am very self-critical about doing things for show.

    I felt a bit of a hypocrite towards the end as I was losing my faith by then - but my sermons were the most popular then as they were more down to earth and understanding of people's doubts and questions - and leaned towards a very liberal view of Qur'an/Islam. lol
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #4 - March 25, 2010, 09:40 PM
    Quote from: billy on March 25, 2010, 09:36 PM
    Did anything funny ever happen when you were doing them? Like someone fainted or you got the giggles  Grin

    Did you ever give any fire and brimstone ones  Angry




    I was definitely never fire and brimstone - always very liberal (which is why my sermons were popular lol) A funny incident that I still think about is when I had started having serious doubts and had started drowning my sorrows with alcohol in secret - I remember still suffering from a hang-over when giving one sermon.

    ...terrible confession!
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #5 - March 25, 2010, 09:45 PM

    hahaha - khutba with a hangover, classic!  Grin

    "we can smell traitors and country haters"


    Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
    God is Love.
    Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #6 - March 25, 2010, 09:52 PM
    I gave a khutba twice for the campus jumma when I was in the MSA. Basically me reading off a piece paper, reciting some bullshit because the actual khatib decided not to show up.
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #7 - March 25, 2010, 09:59 PM
    Quote from: Iblis on March 25, 2010, 09:52 PM
    I gave a khutba twice for the campus jumma when I was in the MSA. Basically me reading off a piece paper, reciting some bullshit because the actual khatib decided not to show up.


    Can u remember what it was about?
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #8 - March 25, 2010, 10:03 PM
    I remember giving one Khutba about the word "Kafir" and saying it was very misunderstood and really meant "ungrateful" and quoted the verse that says:

    اما شاكرا واما كفورا

    (man) is either grateful or Kafoor (a big kafir)

     grin12
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #9 - March 25, 2010, 10:03 PM
    I don't remember both, but one was this ridiculous one that I found quite offensive and morally questionable even back then. It was about one of those prophet or something, that dude that kills the a kid because he would grow up to be a trouble child. Do you know which one I'm talking about??

    I was simply reading it off, and was too terrified of my fellow musulmans to actually tweak it a bit as I went along.
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #10 - March 25, 2010, 10:04 PM
    Quote from: Iblis on March 25, 2010, 10:03 PM
    I don't remember both, but one was this ridiculous one that I found quite offensive and morally questionable even back then. It was about one of those prophet or something, that dude that kills the a kid because he would grow up to be a trouble child. Do you know which one I'm talking about??


    Yes that's the story of Khidr - man that is such a fucked up story - I want to do a vid about that!
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #11 - March 25, 2010, 10:06 PM
    Yeah! Khidr. Thats so fucked up. I think they intentionally made me do the khutba on that because the MSA Prez thought I was "misguided" at the time. I was going through a really questioning period anyways and regurgitating that khutba sure as fuck didn't help. A lot of the more liberal brothers thought it was a bit bizarre I would do a khutba on that since they thought I wrote it too.  wacko
    Quote from: thinkfree on September 28, 2010, 07:58 PM
    Iblis has mad debaterin' skillz. Best not step up unless you're prepared to recieve da pain.

  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #12 - March 25, 2010, 10:14 PM
    Quote from: Iblis on March 25, 2010, 10:06 PM
    Yeah! Khidr. Thats so fucked up. I think they intentionally made me do the khutba on that because the MSA Prez thought I was "misguided" at the time. I was going through a really questioning period anyways and regurgitating that khutba sure as fuck didn't help. A lot of the more liberal brothers thought it was a bit bizarre I would do a khutba on that since they thought I wrote it too.  wacko


    If one looks at the story it is really so easy to pull apart.

    In one case Khidr kills a young boy - before he has become bad - to spare his aged parents the grief he will bring them because he will become an unbeliever.

    Hang on! What about the grief of having their (innocent) son killed?

    But it's OK - God give them another child.

    WTF - that makes up for it?

    And what about punishing people for a crime they haven't even committed yet!

    And God sent Khidr to do this to spare this pious couple?

    Here's a suggestion to the asshole called God - if you truly wanted to spare them grief - why not make their son good - or not let the son be born - instead of this stupid charade.

    And that's only part of tis stupid story.

    Seriously I wanna do a vid on that - I'm just very distracted right now.
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #13 - March 26, 2010, 12:32 AM
    Quote from: Hassan on March 25, 2010, 09:40 PM
    I was definitely never fire and brimstone - always very liberal (which is why my sermons were popular lol) A funny incident that I still think about is when I had started having serious doubts and had started drowning my sorrows with alcohol in secret - I remember still suffering from a hang-over when giving one sermon.

    ...terrible confession!

     Cheesy
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  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #14 - March 26, 2010, 12:53 AM
    Quote from: Hassan on March 25, 2010, 10:04 PM
    Yes that's the story of Khidr - man that is such a fucked up story - I want to do a vid about that!


    Oh you should! You would rock that, Hassan. I know that story well because I had learned it was good to read that surah on Fridays so I read it every Friday for a long time. And yeah the part about killing the kid didn't seem right, though the two other things he did -- destroying the boats and destroying the wall with money in it -- didn't seem so bad. Still a ridiculous story though lol.
    The only thing we have to fear is fear itself
    - 32nd United States President Franklin D. Roosevelt
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #15 - March 26, 2010, 01:15 AM
    18:74: "So they set off until, when they met a boy and he slew him - [Moses] said: 'Have you slain an innocent soul, [one slain] not in retaliation for another soul? Verily you have committed an dreadful thing'."

    18:80:  "And as for the boy, his parents were believers and We feared lest he should overwhelm them with insolence and disbelief."

    It does seem that this story has something of an 'honour killing' feel about it. I mean, that's why these parents kill their children, isn't it? Disbelief and disobedience?

    Hadith may say that you can't kill your children, but what about apostate children?

    And isn't it a bit odd that the verses (18:79-80) randomly jump from first person singular to plural? Does Allah cut al-Khidr off while he's speaking to Moses?
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #16 - March 26, 2010, 03:08 AM
    Quote from: Cool Canadian on March 25, 2010, 09:33 PM
    I was offered the opportunity sometimes. But I feared Riya at the time, so I decided not to do it. Weird I know lol

    Same case, been offered it numerous times, always turned it down. I started to write one one time, but tore it up, cuz I thought it was arrogant to think I could be the khateeb, plus it was cringeworthy Grin.

    Great idea Hass, hope you have time to do it, I think you could do it best (after talk of riya, I inflate your head Smiley)
    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #17 - March 26, 2010, 11:54 AM
    Quote from: Luthiel on March 26, 2010, 12:53 AM
    Oh you should! You would rock that, Hassan. I know that story well because I had learned it was good to read that surah on Fridays so I read it every Friday for a long time. And yeah the part about killing the kid didn't seem right, though the two other things he did -- destroying the boats and destroying the wall with money in it -- didn't seem so bad. Still a ridiculous story though lol.


    Yes I used to read it every Friday too - there is a hadith about it - can't remember exactly - but it is recommended that Muslims read it every Friday (probably to so God wont roast your skin off...)

    None of the stories make sense when you look closely at them. Why make a hole in a poor man's boat - if the king wanted it that much he could still take it and fix the hole - it's the poor man who would have a hard time fixing it - and does God go around doing this sort of stuff to all the poor people? And why not just make the king miss out his boat? Why this elaborate and bizarre charade?

    And what's the deal with that fish they brought for their lunch coming back to life and swimming away... WTF?

    And don't forget there are the stories of the people of the cave in that sura - another beauty! lol

    And Thul Qarnayn

    and the two ppl with a garden - never got that one at all.

    That whole sura is a cracker - when I have time I'm def gonna do a vid on it - don't know why I never thought of it before!
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #18 - March 26, 2010, 12:04 PM
    I havent heard of these stories, so cant wait to watch the video if you get round to it..
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  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #19 - March 26, 2010, 12:42 PM
    This thread has given me an idea - I am going to read the Quran front to back and take notes - i'll probably get bored a quarter of the way in though!
    Religion - The hot potato that looked delicious but ended up burning your mouth!

    Knock your head on the ground, don't be miserly in your prayers, listen to your Sidi Sheikh, Allahu Akbar! - Lounes Matoub
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #20 - March 26, 2010, 02:11 PM
    Don't start at the front - al-Baqara, al-Ma'idah, al imran anNisa etc... will bore the pants off you - start in the middle with this sura and gives us your notes here  Afro
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #21 - March 26, 2010, 03:04 PM
    Quote from: aliadiere on March 26, 2010, 12:42 PM
    This thread has given me an idea - I am going to read the Quran front to back and take notes - i'll probably get bored a quarter of the way in though!

    Yeah, I started doing the same last week.  Its actually more interesting reading it this time.  There is so much in there that we rarely mention here.

    Also reading it in this fashion, along with out coem enlightened minds,  enables you to take far more out of it and understand what really was going on inside Mo's mind.

    What I am getting a real impression off reading it this time is a complete sense of "Life of Brian".

    Mo was a constantly harrassed soul by one person or another asking him about this & that.  In order to keep up the pretence, he would add into his long monologues irrelevent things just to look like a knowledgeable man, even if they were completely unrelated. 

    Also the lack of substance and the amount of times he repeatedly talks about telling you to believe, rather than why, beggars belief.

    Will start a thread on it after I finish it.
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  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #22 - March 26, 2010, 03:46 PM
    Quote from: IsLame on March 26, 2010, 03:04 PM
    Mo was a constantly harrassed soul by one person or another asking him about this & that.


    Which was why 5:101 was revealed.

    "The following was revealed when they began to ask the Prophet (s) too many questions: O you who believe, do not ask about things which, if disclosed to you, [if] revealed, would trouble you, because of the hardship that would ensue from them; yet if you ask about them while the Qur’ān is being revealed, during the time of the Prophet (s), they will be disclosed to you: meaning that if you ask about certain things during his lifetime, the Qur’ān will reveal them, but once these things are disclosed, it will grieve you. So do not ask about them; indeed: God has pardoned those things, you asked about, so do not ask again; for God is Forgiving, Forbearing."

    Tafsir al-Jalalayn
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #23 - March 26, 2010, 04:32 PM
    Quote from: IsLame on March 26, 2010, 03:04 PM
    Mo was a constantly harrassed soul by one person or another asking him about this & that.  In order to keep up the pretence, he would add into his long monologues irrelevent things just to look like a knowledgeable man, even if they were completely unrelated.


    An interesting case in point is the very Sura we have been discussing here - al-Kahf. The Jews wanted to test Muhammad to see if he really was a prophet so asked him

    "How many youths were they?"

    After waiting for a revelation  Roll Eyes he answered by waffling on about the story and eventually said:

    018.022
    YUSUFALI: (Some) say they were three, the dog being the fourth among them; (others) say they were five, the dog being the sixth,- doubtfully guessing at the unknown; (yet others) say they were seven, the dog being the eighth. Say thou: "My Lord knoweth best their number; It is but few that know their (real case)." Enter not, therefore, into controversies concerning them, except on a matter that is clear, nor consult any of them about (the affair of) the Sleepers.

    Translation: "I don't know!"

     Cheesy

  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #24 - March 26, 2010, 04:41 PM
    These are all common tactics of a poor bluffer.  Actually reminds me of the hadith where someone asks for the cure of a tummy bug for their brother.  Mo tells of some hotch-potch cure, and it just makes her poor brother worse.  Cheesy

    Rather than owning up, Mo instead accuses her brothers belly of telling a lie.  The friggin cheek!
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  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #25 - March 26, 2010, 05:08 PM
    Quote from: Hassan on March 26, 2010, 04:32 PM
    An interesting case in point is the very Sura we have been discussing here - al-Kahf. The Jews wanted to test Muhammad to see if he really was a prophet so asked him

    "How many youths were they?"

    After waiting for a revelation  Roll Eyes he answered by waffling on about the story and eventually said:

    018.022
    YUSUFALI: (Some) say they were three, the dog being the fourth among them; (others) say they were five, the dog being the sixth,- doubtfully guessing at the unknown; (yet others) say they were seven, the dog being the eighth. Say thou: "My Lord knoweth best their number; It is but few that know their (real case)." Enter not, therefore, into controversies concerning them, except on a matter that is clear, nor consult any of them about (the affair of) the Sleepers.

    Translation: "I don't know!"

     Cheesy



    Damn, I never thought of that! Allah is all knowing, why make a controversy and just tell us their stupid number if it really matters? 015
    I chose to get circumcised at 17, don't tell me I never believed.
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #26 - March 26, 2010, 05:22 PM
    Quote from: awais on March 26, 2010, 05:08 PM
    Damn, I never thought of that! Allah is all knowing, why make a controversy and just tell us their stupid number if it really matters? 015


    If Muhammad was indeed getting info from an all-knowing God, he could have easily silenced his questioners. Even if they had the 'wrong' number God could have said so and said what it was and told them actually it was this: <insert number here> - in a very confident and definite manner.

    Instead he says:

    "Erm...  some say 3 (dog being the 4th) some say 5 (dog being the 6th) some say 7, (the dog being the 8th) but nooooobody knows (cue spooky music)."

    Aparently Allah doesn't know also!

    btw - who the fuck asked about the dog!?  Cheesy
  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #27 - March 26, 2010, 05:29 PM
    Its called cold reading. Its a common bluffing tactic, often done by mind-readers. Notice how he seemlessly managed to go from 3 to 8 (by using the dog and the words 'some might' i.e. not God) to increase the chances of being right.  He finally ended it on Allah doesnt give answers to such things, so he's back out of the woods.  

    He only needs to get it right a few of the times to wow his followers and for them to keep the faith in this giant illusion.

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  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #28 - March 26, 2010, 06:07 PM
    Quote from: Hassan on March 26, 2010, 05:22 PM
    "Erm...  some say 3 (dog being the 4th) some say 5 (dog being the 6th) some say 7, (the dog being the 8th) but nooooobody knows (cue spooky music)."

    Is it only me who noticed the mathematical fail here? What I mean is he jumps from "3 (dog being the 4th)" to "5 (dog being the 6th)" to "7 (dog being the 8th)" without accounting for "4 (dog being the 5th)" and "6 (dog being the 7th)". It used to bother me every Friday when I read it, but always just ignore it.
    "In every time and culture there are pressures to conform to the prevailing prejudices. But there are also, in every place and epoch, those who value the truth; who record the evidence faithfully. Future generations are in their debt." -Carl Sagan

  • Re: Has Anyone Ever Delivered a Khutba?
     Reply #29 - March 26, 2010, 06:14 PM
    It wasnt a mathematical fail, he never claimed the numbers were part of an equation and were menat to go up consecultively.

    It was cold-reading, and by adding the dog into the equation, he doubled his chances of getting the number right.
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