Women
OP - April 07, 2010, 07:55 PM
I made a comment on the Prostitution thread, and decided to make a threat itself to expand upon it b/c I know this is an issue that is being discussed b/t some members. The issue is the attitude lately on the forum about women, as well as gays and some others. Of course, it's not directed at us female members of CEMB per se - just those *other* women. Women in general, I guess. I don't throw the word misogyny around lightly, but in my personal view, this place is swimming in it lately.
This place is starting to come off like a bad frat house. I know some of you are young, but you know what - I don't think it's an excuse (which one person said that they felt it was). Quite honestly, I was ready to quit the forums six weeks ago over this, and I really cut back on my reading and participating. I told someone that I didn't feel it was worth it to respond to it, b/c the response of misogynists is always the same - you're on the rag, you need a good fucking, you're a feminazi -- whatever. I dealt with this shit for years as a Muslim community worker, trying to improve our commnity. The last place I expected it - or want to deal with it - is in a place that is supposed to be a home for people who reject Islam's misogyny and want something better for themselves and society.
Because I've gone through the worst of apostasy and leaving behind my friends and family who couldn't handle it, I really don't need the support side of this forum anymore. I've made lots of new friends who don't even know I was Muslim, and I'm involved in a lot of things now. Still, my commitment was to be here to be that support and welcoming voice for the next person - esp women - who were quitting Islam and faced with losing their family, financial and emotional support, etc. Why shouldn't we - women, gays, feminists, fat people, and the rest of the ones being made fun of here - have our place here too? Why shouldn't we claim this as our space as much as you all? I'm not against porn - as some of you know - or silliness or any of the rest of that. That isn't what I'm talking about.
What's interesting to me is that some time ago, someone (a male who I think is heterosexual) posited that quitting Islam meant that one was automatically freed from the mental bonds of misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc. that Muslim society and Islam puts on us. This is clearly not true at all. I think for some of us, being freed from Islam means that we feel as free to be as "nasty as we wanna be." We can say what we will of traditional Muslims - the foremost purveyors of women hating - but we all know that in those circles, one is not free to call women hos, bitches, etc. At the very least, they have adab, and their women hating wears that cloak and is disguised as "protection and dignity." What I personally see here is the same attitude without adab - misogyny unveiled, if you will. It's the kind that Muslims use to "prove" to non Muslims and new Muslim and Muslim women that the non-Muslim society denigrates women and has no respect for us. It means very little to me for someone to say that they respect me or Allat or Berbs or Peru or whoever, and then they turn around and post some of the crap that's been posted here in the past few mos.
So it's funny to go from dealing with that sort of women-hating - the kind that says my mere existence is a form of temptation and I can't be trusted to drive more than 47 km from my home by myself - to this kind, the more generic and mundane sort that pervades our society. Perhaps some of you boys and men don't really understand what women put up with on a daily basis - Muslim or otherwise. If I was a questioning Muslimah still, or a new apostate, I might not even join this forum as it is today because of how pervasive this juvenile shit is.
That's just my 2 cents. I am sure some others will disagree, and I will not be surprised if I get some anti-feminist stuff thrown back at me. I don't really care. Maybe we won't clean up our act, and some of us will give up. And maybe the tenor of the board will change again - as it always does depending on who's active. And maybe some clear guidelines about acceptable language will be put into place, and we'll all go on with our lives. I'm only saying what I know others are thinking and talking about already. I'm saying I'm sick of it, I'm saying it's not cute, I'm saying it makes the board / community look bad, and if calling some of you out on your shit (and not even calling you out your names, btw) means I'm a feminazi on the rag who needs a good fuck, so be it. In fact, don't even bother with the name calling, b/c I just did it for you.
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Topic: Women