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Theme Changer

 Topic: Lets get religious.

 (Read 6730 times)
  • 12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Lets get religious.
     OP - April 08, 2010, 12:04 AM
    Let's design our own mock religion for CEMB members. Come up with the doctrine, and I'll take the best suggestions, and turn into an e-book.

    The God's name is of course TAP (The Ass Patter). You decide what kind of a God he is, and the doctrines of the religion. Have fun. Be creative.
    Call me TAP TAP! for I am THE ASS PATTER!
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #1 - April 08, 2010, 12:10 AM
    We need some Comehandmants, and a Symbol of his Handworthiness to start off with.

    This one is popularly billed as the Hand of God in the press:



    or



    or

    look its a miracle

    My Book     news002       
    My Blog  pccoffee
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #2 - April 08, 2010, 12:14 AM
    Any artists here? Maybe you can create a character of TAP; kinda like Pedo Bear.

    Quote from: IsLame on April 08, 2010, 12:10 AM
    We need some Comehandmants, and a Symbol of his Handworthiness to start off with.


    Yes, I'm taking suggestions for the commandments, and among other things.

    Come on folks! Get creative.
    Call me TAP TAP! for I am THE ASS PATTER!
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #3 - April 08, 2010, 01:52 AM
    -Thou shall fuck 5 times a day?
    "The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself."
    ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

    "I think religion is just like smoking: Both invented by people, addictive, harmful, and kills!"
    ~RIBS
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #4 - April 08, 2010, 01:53 AM
    Thats a start.
    Call me TAP TAP! for I am THE ASS PATTER!
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #5 - April 08, 2010, 01:54 AM
    There is no platter worthy of worship..only ass. Ass is one! I keeeell your family and eat their bones!

    Ok, now we have a first schism


    Edit: opps I thought you said 'ass platter', I will need to think of a better reformation
    The foundation of superstition is ignorance, the
    superstructure is faith and the dome is a vain hope. Superstition
    is the child of ignorance and the mother of misery.
    -Robert G. Ingersoll (1898)

     "Do time ninjas have this ability?" "Yeah. Only they stay silent and aren't douchebags."  -Ibl
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #6 - April 08, 2010, 02:05 AM
    Ass fucking is one of the most important rituals with gays being important since they do that all the time lol
    "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #7 - April 08, 2010, 02:07 AM
    I should Add. If you does not have anybody to fuck, the rule changes to

    -Thou shall wank 5 times a day
    "The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself."
    ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

    "I think religion is just like smoking: Both invented by people, addictive, harmful, and kills!"
    ~RIBS
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #8 - April 08, 2010, 03:39 AM
    this whole ass patter thing is lame.
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #9 - April 08, 2010, 03:42 AM
    I thought Pastafarian was good enough. 
    So once again I'm left with the classic Irish man's dilemma, do I eat the potato or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?
    My political philosophy below
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwGat4i8pJI&feature=g-vrec
    Just kidding, here are some true heros
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBTgvK6LQqA
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #10 - April 08, 2010, 03:54 AM
    Quote from: deusvult on April 08, 2010, 03:42 AM
    I thought Pastafarian was good enough. 


    It's just a fun thing exclusive to CEMB only. Nothing serious.

    Quote from: @li on April 08, 2010, 03:39 AM
    this whole ass patter thing is lame.


    You're just a hater.

    Call me TAP TAP! for I am THE ASS PATTER!
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #11 - April 08, 2010, 08:22 AM
    If you want to start one you need a prophetess.

    Then you can claim that while Muhammad was the seal of the prophets, now Allah has moved on to prophetesses...

  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #12 - April 08, 2010, 11:03 AM
    drop acid, play an instrument, plant a tree, befriend an animal, create an artwork, dance forever.  Smiley
    At evening, casual flocks of pigeons make
    Ambiguous undulations as they sink,
    Downward to darkness, on extended wings. - Stevens
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #13 - April 08, 2010, 11:18 AM
    http://www.councilofexmuslims.com/index.php?topic=9663.msg247989#msg247989
    ...
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #14 - April 08, 2010, 01:12 PM
    Quote from: Cool Canadian on April 08, 2010, 02:07 AM
    I should Add. If you does not have anybody to fuck, the rule changes to

    -Thou shall wank 5 times a day

    -Thou shall wank/rub/insert objects 5 times a day (depending on gender/preference)
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #15 - April 08, 2010, 02:01 PM
    Meh. Too Islamic. This five times a day business is over rated. Tongue
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #16 - April 08, 2010, 02:08 PM
    What do you suggest then? 6 times a day? Tongue
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #17 - April 08, 2010, 02:11 PM
    Make it optional. Then you can go for it depending on your mood.

    ETA: Just make it a rule that you have to fuck something sometime. Anything anytime. No virgins allowed.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #18 - April 08, 2010, 02:19 PM
    religious!!!... tap tap!!!!  Snap out of it
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV9vdUjuWxc
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #19 - April 08, 2010, 02:32 PM
    You people need to be coming up with religious justification for your rules.

    For example every individual sperm is Jinn/Demon. These demons must be cast out of the body in any manner before one goes to sleep, else the demons will polute the soul with evil thoughts and cause nightmares.

    Another way for combatting inner demons is to attack them with alcohol and smoke. This pleases the lord.
    My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah." -- Mike Tyson
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #20 - April 08, 2010, 02:44 PM
    But what if I want to have evil thoughts?
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #21 - April 08, 2010, 02:46 PM
    Yes, we need an incentive to follow these rules too - An equivalent of a heaven / hell.    

    Lets say if your bad, you get a spanked bottom, equal to the number of wrongs you have done in your life.

    If you're good you get wanked off by this supreme hand for the number of good things youve done.  This divine orgasmic experience given by the left hand of our Lord provides you with Ulitmate Fulfilment.

    That is our quest, Daughters & Sons of Ape Beasts -  We seek an ultimate divine orgasm.  

    Go forth and spread the message.
    My Book     news002       
    My Blog  pccoffee
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #22 - April 08, 2010, 02:51 PM
    Quote
    Lets say if your bad, you get a spanked bottom, equal to the number of wrongs you have done in your life.

    If you're good you get wanked off by this supreme hand for the number of good things youve done.  This divine orgasmic experience given by the left hand of our Lord provides you with Ulitmate Fulfilment.

    But I enjoy being spanked by my bf...
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #23 - April 08, 2010, 02:55 PM
    Yeah but Peru, you wouldn't enjoy getting one spank for every bad deed. That would be moo tucking fuch.
    Devious, treacherous, murderous, neanderthal, sub-human of the West. bunny
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #24 - April 08, 2010, 03:26 PM
    Good point Cheesy
    ~My story~
    ~Collection of unethical hadiths/surahs~
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #25 - April 08, 2010, 03:38 PM
    On judgement day all the people you've wronged have a tug-o-war with all the people you've righted, to determine if you go to heaven.

    So you should only wrong little people.
    My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah." -- Mike Tyson
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #26 - April 08, 2010, 03:50 PM
    Quote from: osmanthus on April 08, 2010, 02:44 PM
    But what if I want to have evil thoughts?


    Well there is always recycling
    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80630712/
    My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah." -- Mike Tyson
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #27 - April 08, 2010, 05:57 PM
    Quote from: PeruvianSkies on April 08, 2010, 02:08 PM
    What do you suggest then? 6 times a day? Tongue


    I say 10 times.
    Call me TAP TAP! for I am THE ASS PATTER!
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #28 - April 08, 2010, 06:01 PM
    Yeah, and you get more reward if it's done in 'congregation'.  Group sex ftw.
  • Re: Lets get religious.
     Reply #29 - April 08, 2010, 06:05 PM
    In my religion, women actually get a reward in heaven. I say 72 parrots  parrot
    Call me TAP TAP! for I am THE ASS PATTER!
  • 12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »