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- Quod Sum Eris
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Reply #30 - April 21, 2015, 01:19 AM

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Reply #31 - April 21, 2015, 05:48 AM

Quote from: jellytots on April 19, 2015, 11:45 PM
Talking of emotional blackmail, my dad is saying if I continue with this insolence, he will divorce my mum because its her fault she has not brought me up properly

Need new shops! EmotionalblackmailRUS!

The book Games People Play touches on this, but it sounds like your father has serious psychological issues.

The comments of your friends about it being nationality related are interesting. Is that true or are we looking at psychiatric issues? It sounds like you need to be seeing abuse specialists.

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Reply #32 - April 21, 2015, 05:54 AM

Quote
Family therapy, also referred to as couple and family therapy, marriage and family therapy, family systems therapy, and family counseling, is a branch of psychotherapy that works with families and couples in intimate relationships to nurture change and development. It tends to view change in terms of the systems of interaction between family members. It emphasizes family relationships as an important factor in psychological health.

The different schools of family therapy have in common a belief that, regardless of the origin of the problem, and regardless of whether the clients consider it an "individual" or "family" issue, involving families in solutions often benefits clients. This involvement of families is commonly accomplished by their direct participation in the therapy session. The skills of the family therapist thus include the ability to influence conversations in a way that catalyses the strengths, wisdom, and support of the wider system.

In the field's early years, many clinicians defined the family in a narrow, traditional manner usually including parents and children. As the field has evolved, the concept of the family is more commonly defined in terms of strongly supportive, long-term roles and relationships between people who may or may not be related by blood or marriage.

The conceptual frameworks developed by family therapists, especially those of family systems theorists, have been applied to a wide range of human behaviour, including organisational dynamics and the study of greatness.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_therapy

You are not the one with the problems, or the client, your father is.

Has anyone attempted family therapy with Islamic families?

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
- three
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Reply #33 - April 21, 2015, 12:59 PM

Quote from: jellytots on April 20, 2015, 07:05 PM
Oh it gets better. I'm in bed eating MacDonald's and watching Bollywood. Highest level of indulgence lol.

I am so glad you don't need any lectures on taking good care of yourself! You have the ¨feed your soul¨ concept down pat. Good!

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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Reply #34 - April 21, 2015, 05:34 PM

Hi jellytots,

welcome

I have no advice for you but I wish you all the best
- jellytots
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Reply #35 - April 21, 2015, 07:55 PM

Moi: unfortunately, you can't offer therapy to people who think there is nothing wrong with them. Most Pakistani parents have grown up with the mentality that you own your children and their purpose in life is to repay you/serve you/make you happy.

Three: I am definitely looking after myself. Making sure I eat, rest, talk to friends etc. I've learnt that no one else is going to look me, so I must look after myself. Another life philosophy that's important is the fact that theres plenty of people in this world who will trample on you and make you feel like shit-so why do it to yourself as well!? If you don't love yourself, who else can you rely on to make you happy?

Annnnnd after that big philosophical spiel I have to confess I was just emotionally blackmailed into praying....FAIL. So much for me growing a pair of balls.
- Sir Wankalot
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Reply #36 - April 21, 2015, 08:32 PM

Welcome to the forum jellytots!

Lots of good advice here from other members. You've got many years ahead of you, so I'd encourage you to go slow and take things one at a time.

I'm sure you will meet and settle down with someone suitable in the future, but for now focus on building your self confidence and learning to build a life of your own, away from the familiarity of your family and general asian community.

Moving out from home is always a good start. If you have female friends who are willing to share a flat with you and they are fairly liberal, then that would be a great way to ease yourself into independent living.

Try to make friends with people who are outside of your usual community and comfort zone. Widen your social circle and try different things and new hobbies. Not only does it expand your horizon and make you more aware of the world around you, but a more diverse network of people leads you to potentially new jobs, opportunities and even romantic partners.

If your life is too tied up with family and relatives, then major life changes can definitely seem daunting. However if you build your own support network with people who are positive and not toxic in their attitudes, then the world doesn't feel like such a scary place. It doesn't mean you have to abandon family or friends; you can still maintain those relationships, just that you are now able to approach them from an empowered and independent position as opposed to one that is based on dependency and fear.

Also, if you are able to afford a few sessions with a trained counsellor or therapist, I'd highly recommend it. Or get an appointment with a NHS one. He/she can help you work on learning to assert yourself and your choices with your family. It doesn't mean you love them less, just that you have to do what's right for you.

All the best
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