Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!

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- The tailor
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Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
OP - January 20, 2011, 11:29 PM

Alhumdulilah! Takfear TV, the world's only Literalist Tailorite channel is now on Sky, preset 72. Sheikh Yufist hosts "Women's hour", where he answers all pertinent questions facing the modern Literalist Tailorusma sister trying to keep faith in a world of rampant sin and debauchery.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gSlAdZIvbY

The Divisions of Love, second album by my Cabbalacore band, the Friends of Design, out now:

https://vimeo.com/110528857
- billy
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #1 - January 20, 2011, 11:34 PM

Will your band be playing live on the Entertainment hour?

"we can smell traitors and country haters"

Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
God is Love.
Love is Blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #2 - January 21, 2011, 09:13 AM

Don't be silly billy. We all know that music is haram because it draws attention away from worship of the one 'n only which than leads into all kinds of lewd acts.

Quote from: The tailor on January 20, 2011, 11:29 PM
Alhumdulilah! Takfear TV, the world's only Literalist Tailorite channel is now on Sky, preset 72.

Don't tell me that 434 was already taken?

Quote from: The tailor on January 20, 2011, 11:29 PM
Sheikh Yufist hosts "Women's hour", where he answers all pertinent questions facing the modern Literalist Tailorusma sister trying to keep faith in a world of rampant sin and debauchery.

I couldn't help but notice that your coverage of scientific miracles in Quran and Quranic science in general is rather poor - there definitely is room for improvement here. You know - how to use Jinn as a source of energy and such.

P.S.
You were able to secure B. A. Baracus for your channel? That's cool. "I pity the fool that doesn't bow to Allah!"
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #3 - January 21, 2011, 11:30 AM

Haha... love it
- abdalwali
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #4 - January 21, 2011, 01:25 PM

That's the most deranged thing I've seen in ages. Thanks

And I've never heard that Bukhatir song before. It's insane

The language of the mob was only the language of public opinion cleansed of hypocrisy and restraint - Hannah Arendt.
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #5 - January 21, 2011, 01:28 PM

Quote from: Kenan on January 21, 2011, 09:13 AM
You were able to secure B. A. Baracus for your channel? That's cool. "I pity the fool that doesn't bow to Allah!"

Alhumdudiga this brother converted last year -- to great pride and celebration of the ummah across the internet, equal to when Brother Mike Tyson converted mashallah -- and he, along with Br. Mike, is now the leading apologist for women's issues in the religion, hosting Women's Hour on the channel. They regularly demonstrate how the religion has full rights for women: they have the right to ask questions, any questions at all inshallah (from behind curtain with CCTV to prevent temptation to zina), and the brothers will answer them inshallah. Subhanallah there is no other creed where women are given such a privilege!

The Divisions of Love, second album by my Cabbalacore band, the Friends of Design, out now:

https://vimeo.com/110528857
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #6 - January 21, 2011, 01:35 PM

Quote from: Kenan on January 21, 2011, 09:13 AM
Don't tell me that 434 was already taken?

You are thinking of another channel. They used to be true to Ahl Tailorite people but now they degraded, following shaytan's whispers, astagfirullah. Sometimes they permit co-mixing of the men and women in the studio, astagfirullah. Such a corrupt Western influence that they parade our sisters on the television for all strange men to look at! Takfear Channel is the best source for true Literalist Tailorism -- men and women were created equally, but men are a station above them, meaning the men present the shows and the women watch (from behind a concrete bunker inshallah to prevent zina). Channel Takfear puts the Fear back into the Religion of Love!

The Divisions of Love, second album by my Cabbalacore band, the Friends of Design, out now:

https://vimeo.com/110528857
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #7 - January 21, 2011, 02:47 PM

Quote
I saw a laughing jinn in the bathroom mirror, and she looked just like me, but she was mocking me with her painted red lips and body of desire; what should I do?

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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #8 - January 21, 2011, 04:11 PM

Quote from: The tailor on January 21, 2011, 01:35 PM
Sometimes they permit co-mixing of the men and women in the studio, astagfirullah. Such a corrupt Western influence that they parade our sisters on the television for all strange men to look at!

Such things cannot be tolerated.

We all know that men are like animals and that they cannot be held responsible for their sexual conduct because they are unable to resist the temptation and are completely in thrall to their sexual hunger.

It is as Sheik Taj Din al-Hilali wisely said: "If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden or in the park, or in the backyard without a cover, and the cats come and eat it ... whose fault is it, the cats or the uncovered meat?

"The uncovered meat is the problem."

Quote from: The tailor on January 21, 2011, 01:35 PM
Channel Takfear puts the Fear back into the Religion of Love!

And rightly so, because Allah is Fear after all. Damn hippies cannot be allowed to subvert the true message of The Most Merciful One.

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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #9 - January 21, 2011, 05:03 PM

Through Logic, truth can be ascertained.
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #10 - January 21, 2011, 05:06 PM

Comments

Wait, we're allowing our women to ask questions now? Well this changes my plans for the weekend...

qamarnahaar 4 hours ago
- Elifaz
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #11 - January 21, 2011, 05:36 PM

Ah the good old days when all the questions had answers...

Quote
I saw a laughing jinn in the bathroom mirror, and she looked just like me, but she was mocking me with her painted red lips and body of desire; what should I do?

You mean you've never had this problem muddy?
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #12 - January 21, 2011, 05:57 PM

The Tailor,

May I humbly submit some questions to Sheikh Yufist:

1. What are the things that break one's Wudu?

2. Is Music Haram?

3. Is a woman's ankel part of her 'Awra?

4. What is the correct Adab and Du'a when using the toilet.

5. How should I hold my hands when standing in Salat.

6. What acts take one outside Islam and into Kufr.

7. Why does a gynecologist leave the room while a patient undresses?

8. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

9. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

10. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
"hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?

11. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

12. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

13. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think i'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

14. What do people in China call their good plates?

15. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.

16. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?

17. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

18. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

19. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?

20. Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe,
you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

21. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

22. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

(I realise the last one is not a question.)
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #13 - January 21, 2011, 06:48 PM

23. Why do men have nipples
24. Is it sunnat to have sex with a 9 yr old

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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #14 - January 21, 2011, 07:45 PM

25. What's the Islamic wisdom behind tickley nose hair - or even worse ear hair?
- The tailor
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #15 - January 21, 2011, 09:35 PM

Quote from: abdalwali on January 21, 2011, 01:25 PM
That's the most deranged thing I've seen in ages. Thanks

Jazakallah khair, ex-brother. I just got Sky and found it very inspirational, alhumdulilah.

Quote from: abdalwali on January 21, 2011, 01:25 PM
And I've never heard that Bukhatir song before. It's insane

Yes, this brother is truly gifted mashallah -- Allah made music haram, but then replaced it with something better!

I think this song is Bukhatir's greatest, as he has found a way to bring the sister's voice aloud, while at the same time not violating the proscription of haya and modesty. It is surely inappropriate for a sister to sing a nasheed, lest its softness commit menfolk to fornication. And yet the sister's view ought to be represented and this is what the brother does:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in1ACPVOmNI

The kuffar have Lady Gaga and the Pussycat Dolls -- but they are not Muslim divas, so Allah forbids Lady Gaga and such sinful divas. But he replaces them with something better -- Bukhatir is the REAL Muslim Diva, the true Pussycat -- for he is sweetly pretty, demure, a doe eyed houri, a desert princess, but halal for the brothers -- because he is not a sister! And so the sisters are heard in the nasheed, without the need for their voices to be heard. Mashallah, Islam is a simple religion with simple rules and simple solutions -- while the kuffar make it all so complicated.

I will pass ex-brother Hassan's questions on to Sheikh Yufist -- but I must say I am unsure if he will answer so quickly, as he seems particularly angry today -- he is still in a big temper about Baroness Warsi ...

The Divisions of Love, second album by my Cabbalacore band, the Friends of Design, out now:

https://vimeo.com/110528857
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #16 - January 21, 2011, 11:41 PM

Quote from: The tailor on January 21, 2011, 09:35 PM
The kuffar have Lady Gaga and the Pussycat Dolls -- but they are not Muslim divas, so Allah forbids Lady Gaga and such sinful divas. But he replaces them with something better -- Bukhatir is the REAL Muslim Diva, the true Pussycat -- for he is sweetly pretty, demure, a doe eyed houri, a desert princess, but halal for the brothers -- because he is not a sister!

Some interesting conclusions could be drawn here especially in the light of the fact that you have specifically mentioned Lady Gaga in connection with Bukhatir-the-dessert-princess (incidentally this also reminds me of another desert princess - Priscilla from The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert).

"God put me on Earth for three reasons: To make loud music, gay videos and cause a damn raucous."
—Lady GaGa, 2010, knowing her true calling

I mean, everybody knows that Lady Gaga is in fact a reptilian alien overlord pretending to be a trap.
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Re: Takfear TV now on Sky!!!!
Reply #17 - January 21, 2011, 11:42 PM

Quote from: Eliphaz on January 21, 2011, 05:36 PM
You mean you've never had this problem muddy?

Not really sure I follow..

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