One of many deconversion stories
OP - November 21, 2009, 08:50 PM
Well, I don't know where to begin, but I really do need to get this off my chest and tell someone.
To make things brief, after having a issues with Christianity in general around the 6th and 7th grade, I gave up being a Christian. Up until my 11th grade year, everyone who knew me, knew that I was agnostic. Most had no problem with it. But of course, being young, naive and generally lost in who I was and what I living for, I did went through this religious stage.
Upon this time in my life a Muslim Pakistani friend of mine that I had known for years, began to creep into my life more and more. For all you girls who had a Muslim "male friend", you know how this goes. He and other Muslims in my community began to literally swamp me with pamphlets, websites etc. All of which gloated on how Islam was the perfect religion for mankind. How I would be respected as a woman, etc - the usual bullshit. I was 16 at the time.
So, three weeks after my 17th birthday, I took my shahadah, thinking I finally found the truth to life blah blah blah. For the next three months, I was a hardcore Muslim. I prayed 5 times a day, I fasted, I gave to charity, I watched lectures, I even wore hijab (even though I felt uncomfortable in it). But the doubts began to slowly creep in. For instance, the double standard when it came to treatement between males and females.
If I even looked at a guy, I was chastised for being a seductress. Mind you, I could be asking for homework or an exam schedule. On the other hand, my friend openly talked about sleeping with girls, doing drugs and never praying. His family owned a corner store filled with liquor and cigarettes. No one said a word to them. While I was constantly put on blast by the haram police.
I also don't understand how Islam could be a religion of peace, but promotes violence when one leaves Islam? One of the other ex-Muslims was literally run out of MS after she left. I didn't like how paranoid I became over my good deeds and bad deeds. I also hated how no matter where I went, I was looked at like I was a harlot. I spent Eid by myself because no one bothered to invite me. I was the only Muslim that wasn't Indian/Pakistani/Iranian etc.
I spent nights wondering what the hell happened to this Muslim family they drilled into my head? When my mother threatened to kick me out, no one lifted a finger to help. But when Gaza became huge news, they literally ran to the aid of Palestinians around here. After a huge altercation at school, I eventually graduated early (to avoid more drama and threats) and I left Islam as well. Of course, the Muslims don't talk to me. They hate me with a passion. Which I don't care. I had to block many people from my facebook, yahoo etc. I had to change my number more than once.
I couldn't even go to the damn mall without one of them yelling at me from across the stores or following me. I was called a whore, a bitch who knows nothing of Islam. Even now, 7 months after leaving, any hijabi I come across gives me the evil eye. I know this story may seem silly, but I needed to get it off my chest. I haven't told anyone about it. I even went to a college far from my hometown just to get away from it.
Topic: One of many deconversion stories