Hello everyone,
I decided to write my story or you can better say thoughts, as I just felt uncomfortable with Islam few months ago.
I am 24.
I was born in a very moderate family , though my relatives of both sides were very very religious and my mother is also a granddaughter of one of the most respectable Aalim throughout Muslim ummah. But thanks to my mother and father , both were never too religious , my father offers 5 times prayers and my mother too , but they didn't force me or my 2 brothers ever. So I grew up like a traditional Muslim , without being answered any question like Why Allah is so curious in testing Humans when He has the knowledge of unseen and knows the end result........
Testing 1
I also accepted the fact that Allah has wisdom in all things , so don't let such questions come in your mind. I used to offer prayers very few times, like going to Friday prayers so I can have "samosas" from the stall after prayer. My whole family is very cooool .... again thanks to my parents that they did their best not to make us religious but to make us educated and to sync with modern world. When I was 22 , suddenly I started praying 5 times and became very religious after listening to a very active preacher of tableeghi jamaat. I started respecting woman in black burqas, men with long beards and keep thinking about the sexy hoors. But after few days I again stopped praying because I didn't feel any special while praying. After my graduation I started working as a freelancer , I met online with people of different beliefs, I started reading about different religions but I used to watch tv shows of Zakir Naik so I was firm in my "belief" , but was not practicing. But somehow I started thinking that how so many good people like Einstein who never thought only of their religion but for the whole universe, scientists like today are exploring universe, they are not doing it for some specific group but for whole of Human kind will go to hell. How come Muhammad can be considered as a mercy to whole of Human Kind when he is not allowed to pray for non muslims after their death , when he is not allowed to say salaam to non muslims etc...... I compiled a list of questions ....but didn't get comfortable answers for them , so I decided that I am believing in something wrong. And then I decided that there is God who created everything but he dont give a dam and he doesn't want me to offer 5 prayers without any reason.
Testing 2
Topic: My story of becoming agnostic