Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #30 - July 01, 2012, 11:27 PM

Quote from: Godot on July 01, 2012, 03:15 PM
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No, but that kind of baiting could lead to someone feeling bullied or intimidated, even if they don't outwardly express it. Not everyone feels comfortable expressing or being open about their sexuality, and reinforcing heteronormativity only serves to heighten the turmoil of such individuals.

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #31 - July 01, 2012, 11:39 PM

.

You need to read this book.
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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #32 - July 01, 2012, 11:47 PM

maked me cry

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #33 - July 02, 2012, 12:25 AM

Quote from: Godot on July 01, 2012, 11:39 PM
Fair point, man. I'll be a little more mindful, I guess.

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #34 - July 02, 2012, 06:25 AM

How important is smell?

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #35 - July 02, 2012, 11:59 AM

Not sure but I like the smell of a man wearing Issy Miyake L'Eau d'Issey Pour Homme.

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #36 - July 02, 2012, 02:38 PM

Interesting that so many women on the forum are only attracted to men after they have shown an interest in them first.

I think this might have an evolutionary explanation. Men need to "spread their seed", preferably with as many genetically diverse women as possible, to insure that their genes will spread to the next generation and will be paired with diverse genes so as to insure strength and a high survival rate. Back in tribal times this meant that men needed to search far and wide and breed with as many women from other tribes as possible. Today of course it just means that men go out to nightclubs, get drunk and start hitting on as many random women as possible.

Women on the other hand cannot "spread their seed" as much as each successful attempt results in pregnancy. Their evolutionary goal is therefore to insure the highest survival rate of their children. Therefore their ideal mate is not someone random but someone that will likely stay with them and support them as long as possible. Therefore the most important factor to them should be that the man shows a strong interest in them first.

Anyway if this is really true then you can see why the "hijab" would be such an effective tool at controlling women's choices. If women will only become attracted to someone who shows an interest in them first, the hijab definitely stops men from doing that, especially men from other cultures. Which gives a father much more control over who his daughter will be attracted to, making stuff like arranged marriages a lot easier.

ETA: Is this poll only intened for women? I would vote for the first option but don't want to screw up the results if it is mainly meant for women.
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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #37 - July 02, 2012, 05:30 PM

Just reading some fiction that comments with lions and wolves, the female expresses interest first, and that humans are the same....

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

A.A. Milne,

"We cannot slaughter each other out of the human impasse"
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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #38 - July 03, 2012, 02:45 AM

I put the third option (No, very rarely...) but, I find that I'm kind of all these options at one point or another.

Sometimes I feel like it's very easy for me to get attracted to lots of people... or perhaps at times, I'm just around a lot of beautiful looking people in one room?

And I've definitely done the whole, start getting attracted to someone and seeing them in a different light because they like me. But that's rare these days.

Mostly, today, it's like one in a million for me to find an attractive man. Or rather, someone I'm attracted to. There are a lot of attractive people, sure, but I just don't gravitate towards them for one or many reasons. So, I'm fucked these days because I rarely like someone/am able to connect with anyone and basically when I find that one guy (after months or years of not liking anyone), I try to hold onto them because usually that's when I start seeing everyone else is ugly and I have no interest whatsoever. It's like the whole world becomes ugly except for this one person, I keep getting bombarded with ugly people passing by me over and over.

Ugh. I don't get why I'm like this. I don't normally think myself picky... but I guess it takes a lot to impress me. To give you a better idea, I'm not the type to think Brad Pitt is hot shit. Never have. So since I don't usually like what's "generically attractive" I have my own unique sense of what is attractive (but I suppose everyone does). But at the same time, it's not like I like the same-looking guy over and over. All the guys I've liked look completely different from each other.

Berbs -- So I personally think you're not strange in comparison to your friends, because I do the same thing. I rarely think anyone is "hot." I wonder if this also comes from a good amount of cynicism from the both of us? Like, are we just not capable of liking a lot of men in that way, so therefore we block out the majority of them, and actually become not physically interested either? I feel like this may have a part to do with it.

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #39 - July 03, 2012, 02:50 AM

As far as being the one to do the choosing, if I see an attractive man that I want to pursue (again, since that's one in a million) I usually attempt to go after him no matter what.

However, I do try to consider whether I think they would be into me. If I don't think they'd be into me, I'll get shy/intimidated and not attempt them.
But I don't automatically assume it's a waste of time or that they won't feel the same in return! Don't do that!! Go after them, you never know!

Anyway, I'm more just at this strange stage of my life where I'm still only stuck at the "dating" phase. Mutual liking has been established, but apparently, that's not always enough. Is it ever?

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #40 - July 03, 2012, 07:06 AM

Quote from: Tonyt on July 02, 2012, 02:38 PM
Women on the other hand cannot "spread their seed" as much as each successful attempt results in pregnancy. Their evolutionary goal is therefore to insure the highest survival rate of their children. Therefore their ideal mate is not someone random but someone that will likely stay with them and support them as long as possible. Therefore the most important factor to them should be that the man shows a strong interest in them first.

With women it's more complex than that. Women need a reliable male that can maximise their child's chances of survival, so they will be more choosy. For that reason, they are less likely to be attracted to crushing on lots of people as they need to weed out the 'weak' (not the best of words but it's not the main point) blokes. Of course, some women are going to be more picky than others. It's also in their best intentions to 'attract' a chosen mate, which is why we may dress up more than our male counterparts.

As for women waiting for males to come to them first, do you not think that's mostly a cultural thing? Women, for a long time, have been made to feel as though they as sluts for being the ones initiating a relationship.

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #41 - July 03, 2012, 07:19 AM

the thing is though, I said in my OP, my 2 closest female friends, one british, one west indian, are nothing like the kind of women tonyt is talking about.

If they want a man they go for him, and one of them is hardly selective, any guy will do when she wants to do.

I just don't think its a simple as the evolution argument. I mean doesn't the evolution argument rely on seeing men and women in clearly defined gender roles? which life generally tends to show is not to case all of the time.

For me it is self esteem, plain and simple. I think you won't, so therefore I don't either.

I'm not holding out for some baby daddy who is awesome at hunting.

I'm not holding out for anybody.

Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.
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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #42 - July 03, 2012, 07:40 AM

I know life tends to be far more complex in reality. And of course, we have moved far past the cavemen era but that doesn't mean all our basic instincts have gone. Not that mine or Tonyt's post even touches on the surface of what the cavemen era was really like, they were just simple assumptions and speculations. Plus, now things have changed drastically making our primal instincts to find a 'best mate' a lot less significant then it used to be.

I don't find it surprising at all however that you may be completely different to your friends. There are so many complex factors that can account for that. Not to mention you're not alone. Your numbers just happen to be fewer (or you're quieter, or both), not that that's a bad thing.

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #43 - July 03, 2012, 07:47 AM

Shit, i was about to disagree with Peru and Tonyt on evolutionary explanation until Berbs posted and Peru's last post^

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #44 - July 03, 2012, 11:01 AM

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #45 - July 03, 2012, 11:25 AM

Good thing i didnt, otherwise you would have come up with a better counter argument

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #46 - July 03, 2012, 12:41 PM

Quote from: BerberElla on July 03, 2012, 07:19 AM
I'm not holding out for some baby daddy who is awesome at hunting.

That has to be quote of the month!

But anyway what I was saying was really just speculation. It is the age old nature vs. nurture debate. How much of gender roles are determined by genes and how much by socialization? who knows really?

But what seems to be obvious is that there is far more variation between individuals regardless of gender than there is difference between the sexes. As Berbs stated there are plenty of women that like to "go hunting" just like there are plenty of men that are simply looking for that special one woman.

In fact I am not even sure that specific behavioral genes can be passed down to one sex only. I.e. if nature favors genes that make men adventurous, outgoing, and aggressive, isn't there just as much chance that those genes will be passed on to daughters as well as sons? I don't really know but I expect that is the case, otherwise we would surely see more sexual dimorphism within species.

However the wikipedia article on sexual dimorphism does state that "Sex steroid-induced differentiation of adult reproductive and other behavior has been demonstrated experimentally in many animals", it doesn't say much more than that but I think it has to do with different chemicals like andrenaline, testosterone, etc.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_dimorphism#Psychological_and_behavioral_differentiation
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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #47 - July 04, 2012, 11:05 AM

Actually, evolution dictates gender-roles, it is just that humans have higher cognitive abilities and are able to breakout of those roles, you have to remember that what evolution dictates is not set in stone, sometimes despite mothers having a strong and powerful evolutionary innate bond to protect their offspring, sometimes they can actually kill their offspring. Evolution has largely dictated for the female to be nurturer/offspring raiser and the male to be a hunter/gatherer this is particularly true for most mammal species, however these rules are not set in stone, its just a general preference. In the modern day things have changed, man is not required to hunt and gather food, food is available from a supermarket the only resource invested is currency, and currency is gained from generally doing tasks and some tasks can be done by women just as well as men for them to gain currency to be able to buy food. Basically, it all comes down to the species being best able to propagate their genes, sometimes there are drastic environmental changes and it takes evolution time to change behavior and survival of a spices dictated to that particular environment. It's only been about 200/300 years when food has been easily attainable without much effort. It was only in 1916s that the first grocery store was invented, in evolutionary terms that is a very short-time.

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #48 - July 04, 2012, 02:44 PM

the last time i made it known that i thought someone was cute, my parents wrapped him up and we got married.. if only things were that easy now.. lol..

seriously though..
.. i'm a people watcher, and find alot of people attractive, especially in the summer, when people stop hiding behind their clothes .. i am just an admirer (pervert from afar)...
.. i talk myself out of every crush.. i know my social skills need work, and end up playing the entire scenario out in my head, i've met, slept with, and broken up with people as they pass me in the mall .... i guess it's easier that way, seeing how i hate rejection..

so i'm going with
*not often but yea, sometimes I do..*

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #49 - July 05, 2012, 12:00 AM

Quote from: nessrriinn on July 04, 2012, 02:44 PM
the last time i made it known that i thought someone was cute, my parents wrapped him up and we got married.. if only things were that easy now.. lol..

seriously though..
.. i'm a people watcher, and find alot of people attractive, especially in the summer, when people stop hiding behind their clothes .. i am just an admirer (pervert from afar)...
.. i talk myself out of every crush.. i know my social skills need work, and end up playing the entire scenario out in my head, i've met, slept with, and broken up with people as they pass me in the mall .... i guess it's easier that way, seeing how i hate rejection..

so i'm going with
*not often but yea, sometimes I do..*

Haha yeah, I feel you nessrriinn. I'm kind of a people-watcher myself. Couples are kinda icky though. I don't really like watching them, don't know why.

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Re: Do you find yourself attracted to people? (relationship/sex/lust etc)
Reply #50 - July 05, 2012, 12:34 AM

.

You need to read this book.
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