Headscarf..

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- Dutch
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Headscarf..
OP - March 08, 2014, 09:34 PM

Hello everybody,

I had to share this with somebody..I told my mom that I didn't want to wear the headscarf anymore. Finally I had the courage to tell it someone in my family. Everytime I wanted to tell it, I just couldn't. Now, I told my mom and her first reaction was that she closed her eyes, breathed deeply..I didn't know what to except. She said a3oedoe billahi (you know what comes further) and then said I know that since you didn't pray she could expect something like this. She didn't finish her sentences, as she was in kind of a shock and left the room... But I'm glad that it's out, first step..

Pff
- INcePtion
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Headscarf..
Reply #1 - March 08, 2014, 09:55 PM

I still have nightmares of me being caught without my hijab on.

So you are waiting for her verdict?
- Dutch
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Headscarf..
Reply #2 - March 08, 2014, 09:59 PM

@ Inception: Poor you.. So it's for you also difficult to take it off, Have you ever told one of your relatives that you want to take it off?
- INcePtion
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Reply #3 - March 08, 2014, 10:04 PM

you don't know how many times I had been caught and once my dad even used a trick to know if I was wearing or not. It happened a few years ago.
He said that he wouldnt come to pick me up from school and I was like "oh yes".
Well, I got out if school without my hijab and here he was in his car...

Asking for my parents such a thing, would mean the end for me.
I hope you wont have to wear it.
It is painful to pretend all the time. To be someone who you are not.
- Dutch
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Headscarf..
Reply #4 - March 08, 2014, 10:12 PM

Wow, don't they know that you shouldn't force someone. So crazy.. feel bad for you, I can totally relate.

I hope so, on one hand I'm like I don't want to ask them for permission to take it off, cuz it's my choice and I know that they won't encourage me to do that. It's painfull, silly and very frustrating..I don't want this feeling anymore.
- INcePtion
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Reply #5 - March 08, 2014, 10:20 PM

Quote from: Dutch on March 08, 2014, 10:12 PM
Wow, don't they know that you shouldn't force someone. So crazy.. feel bad for you, I can totally relate.

I hope so, on one hand I'm like I don't want to ask them for permission to take it off, cuz it's my choice and I know that they won't encourage me to do that. It's painfull, silly and very frustrating..I don't want this feeling anymore.

I know. It is frustrating to have to "beg" for just a little more freedom. It makes you feel miserable.
Anyway, I hope you good luck
- suki
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Reply #6 - March 08, 2014, 10:26 PM

It's so difficult, i used to wear the hijab and jilbab, i got abuse every single day from non muslims, was just awful, was even punched by a man passing by.. Its hard enough wearing it as it is to take it off.. I feel for you both, i never had that problem as my parents are western and did not like me wearing it.. I don't really have any strong words of advice except to stay firm in your descision to dress as you want to, if family want to disown you, so be it.. It will be a lesson for them too, to learn tolerance for someone that they love.
- Cornflower
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Reply #7 - March 08, 2014, 10:30 PM

I know the feeling, even though in my case it was my ex and not my parents. When I told him I didn't want to wear the niqab anymore, there was a huge ruckus and fight... Even after leaving him, I felt anxiety when thinking about meeting him and him seeing me completely without hijab even. When it was finally done, I felt such a relief. I didn't have to be someone I was not. I could be myself. Even when I was a super-devout Muslim who had dreamed about wearing the hijab, I didn't feel so wonderful as the day when I went outside without a veil. The kiddo didn't even react when she saw me without all that extra cloth, which was a chock for me...I don't even think she had ever reflected on what I wear or don't wear. It is just us adults who are so preoccupied with the pieces of cloth we use to cover our bodies.

"The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
- Dutch
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Reply #8 - March 08, 2014, 10:44 PM

Inception: true. It's our right to dress/act however we want. I wish you luck too! We need to be brave, no matter how difficult it is.

Suki: thanks for your advice. I have to stay firm indeed, and I need to be brave enough to take it actually off. Well, they won't disown me for this I think.. But my dad, another problem, will also not be amused..

As in your case, why do we people make it so hard for eatch other even when it's totally not necessary. I'm glad for you that you don't have the hijabproblem anymore.
- Dutch
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Reply #9 - March 08, 2014, 10:50 PM

Quote from: Cornflower on March 08, 2014, 10:30 PM
I know the feeling, even though in my case it was my ex and not my parents. When I told him I didn't want to wear the niqab anymore, there was a huge ruckus and fight... Even after leaving him, I felt anxiety when thinking about meeting him and him seeing me completely without hijab even. When it was finally done, I felt such a relief. I didn't have to be someone I was not. I could be myself. Even when I was a super-devout Muslim who had dreamed about wearing the hijab, I didn't feel so wonderful as the day when I went outside without a veil. The kiddo didn't even react when she saw me without all that extra cloth, which was a chock for me...I don't even think she had ever reflected on what I wear or don't wear. It is just us adults who are so preoccupied with the pieces of cloth we use to cover our bodies.

Wauw, from niqaab to no hijab seems to me more difficult. The advantage of being it your ex, is that you don't have a relationship with him anymore like is the case with relatives..I mean you don't have to confront him anymore. I can understand it's a totally relief, even now when I only told I want to take m off, I felt relieved. Cuz it really occupied me, stressed me for not having the courage to tell it. A good end story for you, I'm happy for you.
- Cornflower
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Reply #10 - March 10, 2014, 09:44 PM

I am happy The de-hijabi processed was a bit sudden and radical, but I did have my little transition. It started when I was still a Muslim and refused to cover my eyes after using sitarah/net over the eyes for a short period of time, even though my husband "preferred" it. Then after a couple of years, I decided I didn't want to wear gloves anymore. He didn't like it, but "let" me do it anyway because he was a good "lenient" husband who didn't oppress his women . Then I took off the big, knee-length Somali khimar and started using regular square hijabs, with regular (even a bit fitted) abayas... IN COLORS! Even a red one slipped in, with matching red niqab. Then I stopped being strict with whether or not my wrists were showing too much. Even used a bracelets and nice watches, not caring if the sleeve of the abaya slipped back and showed off half of my underarm. Then when I finally left Islam, I started wearing short socks showing off my ankles. So when the wind blew, people could see my legs/ankles. Yep, that was my way of revolting and protesting against the oppression I was under, because I told my ex I wanted to take off the niqab but he wouldn't let me. So much for "free choice", ey? So the day I left him, I just decided to go outside with normal clothes again.

"The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
- Safi
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Reply #11 - July 07, 2014, 10:22 PM

I keep thinking about telling my parents that I want to stop wearing hijab or jilbab. But I can never get the courage to do it. I know they wouldn't accept it, especially my dad.
- exmuslimah
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Reply #12 - July 08, 2014, 08:05 AM

I used to wear jilbab and niqab. Shortly after leaving islam i took off the niqab. First time I went out without the jilbab on was around 10 days after apostasy, after a huge argument with my husband. I went out in trousers, knee-length coat, shawl wrapped around my neck and a hat. It was around 10p.m., I haven't been out so late alone since I became a muslim. The next day I didn't wear a hat. That feeling of wind in my hair, mmm, wonderful. Now I wear shorts and tight shirts I even played with my daughter in a children's garden pool yesterday in a swimsuit! it felt a bit wierd though, I guess there's still A BIT of islamic mentality in me, making me feel guilty.
- Cornflower
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Reply #13 - July 08, 2014, 08:11 AM

For some reason, it is harder to get used to the de-hijabing after being covered (maybe even more so for niqabis) than it is to get used to covering. Maybe not for everyone, but some. And perhaps it has to do with the fact that women who "uncover" are shamed in so many ways. I would still feel very uncomfortable to be seen by any old Muslim friend while wearing shorts or a skirt, or even showing off shoulders. Strange, it is.

"The healthiest people I know are those who are the first to label themselves fucked up." - three
- Rubaya
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Reply #14 - July 08, 2014, 08:35 AM

I just feel so bad for you guys especially Suki, who was actually punched by a monster ! Coming from a not-secular-any more country I rarely hear about the bad ways Islam affects people's lives. Reading that thread about an undercover MI5 spy and your experiences, my anger for Islam has increased. If your religion is so good and true why are people suffering under it and why so much intolerance? Muhammad is Satan. Even he didn't know how his teachings will influence the future of this world. By allowing the killing of apostates he wanted to silence those who knows the true shade of Islam.

Sounds clichéd but I really want world peace. No more fighting, NO MATTER WHAT THE CAUSE!
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