Dating as an ex-Muslim

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- musivore
- Ex-Muslim
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Dating as an ex-Muslim
Reply #30 - October 11, 2014, 08:18 AM

Quote from: Quod Sum Eris on October 11, 2014, 05:54 AM
Don't let her husband see that.

Why not? Lua's husband is an adult... What's more, with her impeccable taste, I'm sure he's a fine adult who recognises an innocent compliment when he sees one.... What's more, with Lua's impeccable taste, I'm sure he's a proud fine adult, who would be pleased to see this, because a compliment to his wife is like a compliment to him.... What's more, with lua's impeccable taste, I'm sure that he's an intelligent proud fine adult, that appreciates fully that lua has given him the best years of his life also, so he fully understands where I am coming from on this.

I say, if he hasn't seen it already, show him my post?

Hi
- lua
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Dating as an ex-Muslim
Reply #31 - October 11, 2014, 08:21 AM

Speaking like that, Musivore, you're going to make both the husband and I blush.
- suki
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Reply #32 - October 11, 2014, 09:26 AM

Thanks Lua
x
- musivore
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Reply #33 - October 11, 2014, 10:00 AM

Quote from: lua on October 11, 2014, 08:21 AM
Speaking like that, Musivore, you're going to make both the husband and I blush.

At the risk of crossing the blurry line that I always seem to straddle, between being sweet and being a creep, I have to add this: that teenager that you went out with for two and a half years, I genuinely don't feel sorry for him. He gorged on the cake. It was only the icing that was missing. Not all us guys are in it just for the icing. And it seems that this dude had a beautifully crafted and perfectly baked cake on his hands. Lucky guy

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- asbie
- Actually just a dude
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Reply #34 - October 11, 2014, 12:12 PM

Quote from: musivore on October 11, 2014, 10:00 AM

At the risk of crossing the blurry line that I always seem to straddle, between being sweet and being a creep

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- asbie
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Reply #35 - October 11, 2014, 12:49 PM

@thread: All ye who enter, forsake all hope!

In all honesty, I'd probably take any of the things that people say on here with a grain of salt. Most of us don't exactly have the most positive track records when it comes to these matters.

Qualification: 26 yo, never been in a relationship

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
- lua
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Dating as an ex-Muslim
Reply #36 - October 11, 2014, 01:24 PM

Musivore, you are way too sweet! But thank you for saying that.

Kismet, perhaps asbie is right, don't take my dating advice so seriously, but at least know that there are men out there who would wait for you, and that you shouldn't do anything before you are comfortable. I don't think either of those are so disputable.
- INcePtion
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Reply #37 - October 11, 2014, 01:27 PM

Relationships are an emotional burden.
- lua
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Reply #38 - October 11, 2014, 01:44 PM

Some of them, yes. But they can also be rewarding.

At the risk of preaching about relationships when I guess I have no business doing so, let me at least say that I only had one relationship that I would have considered overwhelmingly positive on its own merit. Some of them were really tough, and I may have regretted it at the time, but today I am thankful that they happened.

Every relationship I've had has helped or shaped me in some positive way, and even some of the failed ones, or the brief ones, or the ones that were just sparks that went nowhere were valuable, and some of the people I experienced them with are still inexplicably dear to me.
- musivore
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Reply #39 - October 11, 2014, 01:52 PM

^^awww, that's lovely

Hi
- three
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Reply #40 - October 11, 2014, 01:54 PM

Quote from: kismet on October 10, 2014, 03:13 AM
It has been maybe three years since I stopped identifying as Muslim- I had to cut off EVERYONE I knew, because they could report back to my ex who might very well attempt to kidnap my sons....

Islam taught me modesty- I am no prude but I do not believe I am able to have a casual sexual relationship.. I start dating a guy and within a few weeks he wants that and I show him the door. I respect myself too much to bow to social pressure. I am the mother of two young boys- That will always come first but it seems like it overshadows everything.

I do not related to western men at all, to them who I am is so unknowable that I cannot imagine sharing a life with a man who was not raised either as a Muslim or some other strict, non western society. I thought that I would get over that, but whenever I tell them that I converted to Islam as a teenager and about my life after that--- I might as well have grown three heads, yet I cannot hide that part of me, it was SUCH a huge part of my developing into who I am today.

Currently semi-dating a man from the Indian Subcontinent, where i lived with my ex for several years. So, we have that culture and language thing in common but he is still a Muslim, albiet non practicing at this time (we all know that can change) but he is interested in a more casual thing than I am..

Did Islam totally screw me up or is it OK to have strong morals around this issue? Will I ever find someone? I have been alone for four and a half years.

I have some of the same problems you do, down to the kidnapping and not being able to relate to Westerners. I am so emotionally invested in building a decent life for my kids and treating their disorders that I am wary of anything that gets in the way. I spent my whole life in marriages where I did all the work. I cannot afford to do that anymore.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
- lua
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Reply #41 - October 11, 2014, 02:09 PM

Thank you, Musivore.

Three, you sound like a fantastic mother. Also, I'm glad that my mother never ran after us like you run after your kids when you play. I was a little monster as a kid, and I needed that athletic advantage.
- three
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Reply #42 - October 11, 2014, 02:10 PM

Thanks, lua, you sweet. I think I have two years left and then they will leave me in the dirt. They will be overjoyed.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
- Naerys
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Reply #43 - October 12, 2014, 10:01 AM

Quote from: INcePtion on October 11, 2014, 01:27 PM
Relationships are an emotional burden.

The way I see it, my relationships helps me share the emotional burden of life and thus makes it lighter.

OP (and other people who said something like that) I really believe that you are narrowing down your options too much by wanting to stick to men who have been raised as muslims, whether ex or non-practicing. I mean of course if would be ideal for many of us to end up with an ex-muslim, a person who knows exactly what we have been through, but maybe you are pushing away Western men as an option based on misconceptions? I mean of course there are lots of men out there who wouldn't understand and would be far too different from you to even consider having a relationship with, but... I don't know, aren't we all human beings? Once you find a person you have a true connection with, and who is open-minded and empathic enough to make the effort to try and understand, you might realize that a shared background isn't so important. At least it turned out not to be important to me (and I used to believe that I could never be happy with a man outside my culture)

He's no friend to the friendless
And he's the mother of grief
There's only sorrow for tomorrow
Surely life is too brief
- suki
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Reply #44 - October 12, 2014, 10:34 AM

^I think it was only the OP who said that about only dating muslim men, i was another poster who made mention of it but i only felt like that imediately after leaving islam, i feel the opposite now, wouldnt dare consider a muslim ever again. It took me a long time to get used to western men after apostacy, in my small group of islamic friends in the uk we practised strict segregation, we only spoke to guys if we were serving them food in our houses as guests covered in cloth or bumped into them on the street and that was always a brief hi how are you doing, being careful not to look into their eyes for too long, so in all my young adult days i hadn't spoken to a guy properly or even spent time in a room with one, cant beleive it considering i am english and as a teenager had loads of male mates who would stay over at my house, go out to the pubs etc together.. Segregation is a really dumb rule, i dont think its practised so much anymore ?
- Quod Sum Eris
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Reply #45 - October 12, 2014, 10:57 AM

It's not only dumb, it's unnatural and breeds perversion.

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
- serpentofeden
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Dating as an ex-Muslim
Reply #46 - October 12, 2014, 07:07 PM
- kismet
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Dating as an ex-Muslim
Reply #47 - October 16, 2014, 11:51 PM

I dont typically date muslim men- the guy I'm currently seeing is the ONLY muslim man I have dated since I left Islam... and I suspect he is on the verge of admitting his disbelief. I could never be serious with him simply because I know the pressure put on him by his culture/family- he is not the type that will over come out completely as a non-believer.

I have seen far too many women date/marry "secular" type Muslim men who suddenly became super religious and crazy..

My IDEAL man would be an educated ex-Muslim who is "OUT" to everyone especially his family... but it isn't likely I'll find that.

Regarding sex- it is a highly personal choice as to when you will engage in sexual activity and with who. It baffles me that some people see it as so casual. I am simply not like that.

To the previous poster who asked what being a mother had to do with anything- I am lucky that I escaped my ex with my life and my kids' lives. I was literally in hiding for three years, moving whenever the mussies found us. I am only now starting to rebuild our lives and that is something that might be difficult to understand if you haven't been there. My kids take up most of my time when I'm not working or in school. In order to go out on a date I have to fork over money for a sitter. I have not brought a man home while they are here- I am not going to cause any confusion for them in that regard.
- schizo
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Re: Dating as an ex-Muslim
Reply #48 - October 17, 2014, 12:50 AM

Quote from: INcePtion on October 11, 2014, 01:27 PM
Relationships are an emotional burden.

Preach the truth comrade! They are a capitalist abomination designed to pacify the actively dreaming consciousness of the oppressed masses!
- David
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Reply #49 - October 17, 2014, 12:04 PM

Quote from: schizo on October 17, 2014, 12:50 AM
They are a capitalist abomination designed to pacify the actively dreaming consciousness of the oppressed masses!

A bushel of bullshit and a grain of truth.
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