Over the past few days, I have been in a bit of a trouble with regards to family over my intense criticism of religion whenever someone asks me about it or comments on something ridiculous enough to earn my vocal chords launching rockets at religion (including, but not limited to, Islam).
Some of my younger cousins are quite open minded, liberal, secular types yet whilst one completely rejects religious practices (whilst still believing in a God/Allah) some are not religious at all yet still tend to react strongly about (or simply nod their heads and tell their parents afterwards
).
The problem arises that people here in Pakistani society dont tell someone straight up to shut it, but instead tell one's parents afterwards and basically complain and bitch and moan
So my mom has been the target of such complaints by aunts and uncles not having the gall to say that into my face, and given my mom gets easily swayed and intimidated (she is a sweet caring yet gullible woman) she rebuked me for causing our family shame because of my rants and nonsense etc etc etc
"I am your mother, no matter if our deen is wrong, you will follow it because I do and so does the rest of your family!"
"Dont make your own family into a circus show for others to point fingers at, and dont make my afterlife into hell"
"Read namaz and stop this foolishness" "Stop talking about religion and stop being a kafir" "You do what I say"
Naturally, given because of lack of work I am living with family and sharing a family house with another relative family whilst our house is (finally) undergoing completion within the next few months, and the fact my mom's pestering really really annoys me. I decided "Yeah, I'll read namaz and fast etc". I didnt have much of a choice, since I know how many backstabbers and mudslingers live in my extended family.
How ? Well its simple. My mom also said something like "Show the people that you have mended your ways and seek forgiveness from Allah for being such a bad person"
So essentially I was told to put up a show for some idiot aunts and uncles so that they can leave my mom alone and stop bitching to her about not having the gall to confront me directly with their own ignorance over religious bullshit.
Putting up a show = Deen ?
So I did my first Atheistic Namaz/Salah 2 days back by combining the Zuhr and Asr prayers (Shias have it easy since we can combine our prayers for Zuhr-Asr and Maghrib-Isha
). This was my first proper Namaz (after Wudhu of course) in 6 months, and I couldnt help but have a sarcastic grin on my face when I did my own personal 'prayer' (read 'taunt') at the end saying "Ya Allah! Do what you want to do. I am least bothered with your incompetence and your fraud!"
How long with this show continue ? I dont know. Maybe till the time I get the opportunity to finally leave home and preferably work outside of Pakistan at which point I'll probably say to my mom "My work here is done, you wont be ridiculed again, and I have no further interest in observing mindless religious nonsense. Keep the faith ammi, I dont need it."
But when will that day come, I dont know
Topic: Deen = Putting up a show?