Miserable cow

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- musivore
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Reply #30 - August 13, 2015, 09:21 PM

Quote from: Whabbist on August 13, 2015, 03:21 PM
Musivore, there must be something terribly wrong with me to repeatedly fall for and squander my youth on women who are intellectually so incurious that if they accidentally get locked inside a public library for a few hours, they’d first die of boredom. Women who are morally obese and pauperisingly shallow. I collude with myself (the other self, that permanent guest on sufferance) in those moments of degradation, translucent horror to try even harder to find in them redeeming things; properties qualities for which anyone really hugs anyone.

On a related note, sometimes when I look objectively at my wife and some of her behaviours, I regret my choice in life-partner. I am even embarrassed by some of her behaviours... so I try not to open my eyes too often, and I instead hold on to the memories, and the qualities that she still has, that have made me a devoted servant that will try to love her till my dying day. I do hope that my love meets hers again one day, after she has crossed the bitter purgatory that she currently resides in.

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Reply #31 - August 13, 2015, 09:25 PM

Quote from: three on August 13, 2015, 12:44 AM
My brother's wife didn't love him after the first year or two. She didn't want to live with him, wasn't nice to him, etc. Her own family was embarrassed by her behaviour. My brother had to work away from where she lived, he was under contract. I don't know how he did it, but somehow he stuck it out for years, visited as often as he could, supported her, etc. He refused to divorce her.
When he got into a dangerous situation and had a real possibility of not making it back to her, something changed in her. They renewed their vows within a few years of that. They are doing great, now, and the kids look happy.
I am not saying to get into a dangerous situation, I am not saying every couple is the same, but I am saying I have seen it happen.
Keep the communication going.

You really are wise, understanding and sensitive soul that chooses her words very carefully. Be warned, I am behaving like I am on the rebound and I suspect that I will come into heat shortly. Keep your distance.

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Reply #32 - August 13, 2015, 09:27 PM

Quote from: asbie on August 13, 2015, 12:52 AM
If the moratorium on advice is no longer existent, then I would tell you the exact opposite. Don't be bullied, break it off now if at all possible, and the kind of things that are stopping you, like kids and whatnot are the kind of thing that can't be saved by persisting through emotional abuse. Which is what it seems to me like she's doing to you.

People do this kind of thing because they know they can manipulate you, and you've let her. End that pattern.

You and Quod speak the truth. However, I am programmed not to listen. Thank you guys for caring enough to speak that truth though.

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Reply #33 - August 13, 2015, 09:32 PM

Quote from: Helaine on August 13, 2015, 01:26 AM
Musivore...

Why would you marry someone who don't love you =|

Just one thing... did you ask why? What is it that she doesn't like?

Please don't just laugh it off, it will only get worse =/

She loved me intensely once.

I asked why, but she exploded like a woman possessed by the greatest and bitterest of devil's. I don't like making anyone feel that bad, so I walked out of the room and into the arms of this thread.

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Reply #34 - August 13, 2015, 09:34 PM

Oh musivore - this is so undeserved -_-

You must be among the most humble participants here and your so-called significant other just steam-rolled you just to get at you. -_-

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Reply #35 - August 13, 2015, 09:36 PM

Thank you HM (my hero), lovely Suki, the sexiest Questioner in the a world, and Justacoolandbrightguy. Appreciate you dropping by

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Reply #36 - August 13, 2015, 09:37 PM

Quote from: Nikolaj on August 13, 2015, 09:34 PM
Oh musivore - this is so undeserved -_-

You must be among the most humble participants here and your so-called significant other just steam-rolled you just to get at you. -_-

Thanks mate, that's touching

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Reply #37 - August 13, 2015, 09:41 PM

I sincerely hope you can work it out. With kids and stuff it often become tricky... -_-

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Reply #38 - August 13, 2015, 09:49 PM

Quote from: lua on August 13, 2015, 01:19 AM
I'm...on the other side of this. Having no spare time and a husband who once upon a time would drop in on the forum will make this short(er than usual), but I will say that when love dies, it's hard to make it live again. The husband will always be family to me. If I had it my way, we'd always be thick as thieves, and I'd help him whenever he needs it, and if someone messed with him they'd be messing with me. But the romantic love is dead, and living together was hard, and I no longer liked talking to him, no longer liked being around him, no longer felt happy around him, no longer felt like a person I liked around him. Became quick to be irritated. Became insensitive to his needs.

But circumstance and time makes it hard to leave, and there were times when we'd be getting along wonderfully and he'd clearly be trying his best to please me, to fix all the things I asked him to fix earlier when I still loved him deeply, and I'd warm up to him again--briefly, because briefly he reminded me of someone new, or maybe him as I once thought him to be, or of some new relationship, something better than what we have and better than what we are together--but it rekindled my willingness to play along. It didn't rekindle the love. It's easy to know and hard to accept that nothing will. There will still be ups and downs for us, but our love is dead. And if I were stronger and more prone to doing the right thing, I wouldn't let him have hope. But I'm not that good, and reading your posts makes me more acutely sorry for it.

Anyway, will be thinkin' about you.

Last but never least.

Your road has always been more positive than mine. I have always been happy for you in that respect. You have always navigated the path that I have failed to navigate; with great skill, purpose and intelligence. You have always been worried for me, whilst I have never for you... Then how does it now transpire that things have got to this level for you?

I'm sorry I haven't been around to ask how you are. When I have, I've been too busy burdening you with my persistent melodrama.

If you don't feel like giving more detail in this thread, I'll understand. You talk of your husband in the past tense? Are you ok lua?

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Reply #39 - August 14, 2015, 12:30 AM

Quote from: Whabbist on August 13, 2015, 03:21 PM
Musivore, there must be something terribly wrong with me to repeatedly fall for and squander my youth on women who are intellectually so incurious that if they accidentally get locked inside a public library for a few hours, they’d first die of boredom. Women who are morally obese and pauperisingly shallow. I collude with myself (the other self, that permanent guest on sufferance) in those moments of degradation, translucent horror to try even harder to find in them redeeming things; properties and qualities for which anyone really hugs anyone.

Maybe it is a fear of intimacy.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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Reply #40 - August 14, 2015, 12:45 AM

Quote from: musivore on August 13, 2015, 09:25 PM
You really are wise, understanding and sensitive soul that chooses her words very carefully. Be warned, I am behaving like I am on the rebound and I suspect that I will come into heat shortly. Keep your distance.

Don't be silly. But that was sweet.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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Reply #41 - August 14, 2015, 12:58 AM

Ah, Musivore. As always, you're too sweet. I appreciate the concern and adore you more for it, but it is not necessary. It's not an easy situation, of course, but I am the luckier half by far. The ball is in my court, I know what I want and what I don't want, and the husband--I don't have to tell you about how the husband feels, do I? That man has never tried harder, been more careful around me, showered me with more praise or affections or gifts as he has now in the very end. It's sad for me but it's devastating for him. If he ever washes ashore, he'd need your sympathies far more.

As for how it came to this, it was a long, slow decline...and it also started going downhill with religious differences and then kept tumbling down for other reasons long after those faded. I'm an open book for you if you want to reach me privately. But for this very public thread, I guess a good TL;DR would be that before we both worked out some of the major issues in our relationship, we did and said many things to each other (sometimes many times over and over until it drove us crazy) that we can't forget and we can't take back. I don't know how he managed to hang on to his love for me or his desire to stay with me. But he's a good man. He's a wonderful man. And he deserves more. His heart doesn't agree for the moment, but I like to imagine that deep down he knows that it's true.

Anyway, more than enough about me. I'm fine, and I am more interested in you. And you are neither persistent nor melodramatic in the least. Thanks for talking with us, Musi, and keep your chin up, and keep us updated whenever you care to.
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Reply #42 - August 14, 2015, 01:36 AM

Whabbist, given your apparent love of the Chrestomathy, may I suggest the full work from Mencken that it is quoting, which I have often found a source of hilarity.

http://www.amazon.com/Defense-Women-H-L-Mencken/dp/1483999998/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1439516043&sr=8-1&keywords=in+defense+of+women+mencken
- cutepanda
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Reply #43 - August 16, 2015, 05:11 PM

you cant continue to go on this way... people always say "i'm doing it for my kid(s)", but what they dont realize is that this is in fact damaging their kids... dysfunction breeds dysfunction... dont be fooled in to thinking that your son/daughter doesnt see or hear what is really going on. you cant make your son/daughter happy if you yourself arent happy... you need to make things as healthy as possible... no point in being with someone who belittles you and doesnt respect you. Find a heart that loves you at your worst, and arms that will hold you at your weakest.

Best of luck

Sometimes a girl has to be like the snow, beautiful, but cold...
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Reply #44 - May 12, 2017, 07:45 PM

Quote from: musivore on August 12, 2015, 10:53 PM
Time to vent:

She's been telling me that she doesn't love me for years, but I think I've refused to listen...

Anyways, I'm pissed off right now because she has randomly just reminded me that she hates me and that she is counting down the days to when she will end it all. This came as a bigger blow to me than usual because I thought we were having a really good few weeks, where I've showered her with gifts, chocolates and flowers. I've also taken her away a couple of times on breaks, been to the theatre with her (which I hate), taken her for meals, stifled my farts around her, driven across town to satisfy her late night sweet-tooth urges, cleaned the toilet after my major explosions (plus remembered to put the seat down), told her countless times how much she means to me, backed her up when she has been rude to people I get on with ok, and I've even been to some prayers and Arabic classes to learn more about our religion (though I'm pretty sure her lack of love is no longer driven by our religious differences). During all of that, she seemed to be warming to me again. Guess I was wrong :(

No need to offer advice or even sympathy. I won't listen to the advice anyways, I know what I am like. I'll wake up tomorrow and pretend nothing has happened and that I didn't really feel that shitty the night before. And everything will be cool again in my world, and I'll be bouncing to The Maccabees on my way into work... But, boy, she's got to me tonight. I'll admit that for now.

Was going through your post history cos I'm bored.

Musi you know I love you but I think I just grew a vagina after reading the above.

Basically what asbie said but it wouldn't hurt to fuck all her female friends too.

My mind runs, I can never catch it even if I get a head start.
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Reply #45 - May 13, 2017, 10:08 AM

Lol Qtian, you have a way with words.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

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harakaat, friend, RIP
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