Even if we were to accept that some fundamental part of us has this basic, instinctive desire to rape, I'm pretty sure we're also naturally programmed to have the conditional desires to fight, kill, et cetera. Trying to make a correlation in the modern age to a woman wearing revealing clothing and a man acting on this "rape instinct" you believe they have is like trying to police how annoying/infuriating a person can be before it was totally expected that he's going to be murdered because of our instinct to kill. It's just not how it works, and it's a ridiculous thing to say.
I'd also get into why the idea that some women's behavior or appearance can be innately rape-provoking is total bullshit, but it looks like everyone's got that well under control here.
This is a mentality that I find often from people with an islamic background. Gender and sexuality come before empathy and individuality. Basically, you're male/female first, human second, rather than human first male/female second.
In my experience, you're completely right. The most subtle signs of some sort of sexism or misogyny in the early stages of getting to know someone are often remarks about disliking certain kinds of traits in a woman. He might say he hates loud women, obnoxious women, bossy women, women who go to parties, et cetera, instead of saying he doesn't like loud, bossy, obnoxious people or isn't that into partying. That's a common first red flag for me. That distinction that he might make, usually casually and unnoticed by him when he's saying it, that shows you that he has a unique standard and expectation for women that might be stricter than his expectations for men. You're a woman first, and your worth is judged after you've been run through that initial filter.
Of course, some are going to take you by surprise, some are going to be outliers, but they are so few and far between. I've almost exclusively had male friends and companions, and I have found almost all of them to be honest, decent, trustworthy people, and most who, like Quod, would be offended or repulsed by the suggestion that they have some underlying inclination to rape.
Topic: Rape: It is your fault!