Ok I was going to respond to asbie's devil's advocate reply to
my post. But I'm gonna skip that for now.
Berbs, I know
exactly what you mean by this:
It must depend on each individual's experiences of depression and fucked-up-ness, how they perceive their/others' words, and how they perceive being depressed and fucked up. This is embarrasing to me, and I am not intending to be condescending or belittling of how you feel, nor am I trying to make you feel better as that'd be just as bad. I'm merely putting it out there as, perhaps, some small reassurance that you're not alone. Yesterday, after posting a couple of longish threads here, I felt good. Helping others is also a selfish act as it's a form of self help and reassurance. Then I took my wife to work, stopped for a smoke on the way home (finding somewhere out-of-the-way enough not to be seen as I'm
supposed to be fasting). Then I felt shit. Not because I smoked. But because I'm not free to live
my life, yet. Still got 2 weeks of fucking haramadan left and semi-pretending and finding excuses not to go to other people's houses. I digress. I went home, did some housework and here's the bit that makes me feel about half an inch tall: I sat and spent time refreshing the forum to see if someone, anyone, had posted anything. It was dead. I just sat there, feeling shit and blaming myself for it. Realising I don't have anyone to talk to, don't have anyone I can share how I'm feeling with. Thinking yes, here comes the depression again. It's a bit overdue this year (that must be a good sign I suppose) but pretty much on time.
Anyway, the point of all that, is that I hadn't given this a thought:I think I do this subconsciously to some extent, but yes shit days are to be expected. I had a series of CBT sessions around a year ago, and alongside this was reading a lot about mindfulness. The latter has helped me to accept that there
will be shit days, but rather than fight them or blame myself for them, now I accept that they're part of life. Just like bills and having a dump and anything else we'd rather not, but must, do: shit days are
nothing special, don't give them that credit. They're not worth it and don't deserve it. The former (CBT) teaches that the way out of depression is by taking small steps toward doing things, and
just doing it. This
really does work. Even if it's emptying the bins or putting the socks away. That small thing, to start with once a day, really can start to break depression's hold over you. I know you know this Berbs, but it may help others, particularly the OP.
And given what I've just said......your 2 cents absolutely were worth giving.
Yea, I get that.
It is definitely an individual thing, my state of fucked up'ness does involve finding anything to hate myself over, and sometimes even the smallest of things can become a deep wound for me lol.
When I share stuff online, I open myself up to shame, since it's quite easy to make me feel due to the fact that I have such low self esteem that I am just waiting for someone to remind me of how stupid I am.
Not everyone would have reacted that way to the devil's advocate position, and not everyone perceives the world in the way I do. I just didn't think a thread like this deserved any sort of devil's advocate position since (to me/individual) it was a personal sharing moment.
Also, I remember the days of feeling crap for both cheating my way through ramadan, and also for not being free enough to just not do ramadan without feeling like a cheat. It's good that you're here, you can rant about it all, and no one here is going to judge you, since we all understand
And yea, ever since I learned to accept that some days will be shit, and they will always happen no matter what, getting through those days is infinitely easier. I usually just get really stoned, and watch fantasy programmes/read fantasy books/listen to epic music. When I feel those feelings of unhappiness coming on, I just talk myself into a state of acceptance.
This is easier with visualising better days to come. Not happier days, just better days. Days I managed to accomplish something. They could be weeks away, and with this weather it would seem months away, but they will come.
I keep in mind that nothing in life ever stays constant, change always comes. Good or bad, the feelings I am experiencing now will not last, and that's a good way for me to process it.
Back in my darker days, nothing seemed like it could ever be better.
At one point, asbie tells us that "being content" with what life offers us borders on nihilism; at another, he tells us wanting to have control of our lives is a first-world, Western privilege.
Seems like he just enjoys being contrarian, to be honest. And a thread where people are sharing their experiences and coping strategies with mental health is not the best place to do that.
haha yep, I know this, it's asbie. It's what makes him asbie :p (no offence intended, I normally am totally cool with it lol), but as you said, this wasn't the thread for it, not for me anyway. My method is just what works for me.
Also, I do get upset quickly over this issue, probably took it a bit more personally than it was ever intended to be.
Sorry asbie, I do get that you weren't trying to offend or take away anyone's method for coping.
I'm a long time resident of planet BLAH.
It seems I have a family history of depression and so when life experiences and biological factors combine, there doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel.
Anti depressants really don't help much.
But holding on to the hope that there is some rhyme or reason to this "vale of tears" at least helps a little.
from another resident of planet blah.
Nope, they don't work, and have been proven to not work, and discussed in the media as being one of the worst medicines rolled out in the 21st century. They weren't even tested properly, did you know that? turns out, they can make your depression into a long term condition, rather than something you might have worked through via therapy, much quicker. They also have a higher suicide rate. :/
Topic: Unhappy Ex-Muslims