Headscarves and Haircuts

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Headscarves and Haircuts
Reply #120 - August 15, 2017, 11:35 PM

Quote from: Xainab on August 15, 2017, 08:31 PM
Thank you for your reply, Asbie. I guess I'm just anxious that they'll show up there at closing time and try to order me to come home with them, or otherwise emotionally blackmail me in some way - because they'll know I'll find it difficult to walk away when they're talking to me directly and probably even crying and saying things like: "How can you abandon us like this? How can you ignore us like this?" They're my parents, after all. They could also follow me to see where I go after work, I suppose. It kind of scares me that I'm sitting here thinking I don't know how far they might go. Might they become violent? I don't know. How would my dad react to the knowledge that his daughter not only took her scarf off, but is freely mixing with men after work? It worries me that I genuinely don't know what to expect. Leaving home and doing all of this openly will be the most rebellious thing I've ever done in my life, the greatest line I've ever crossed. :( So I honestly don't know what to expect.

These are the questions you take up with your local women's advocate's office. They can help you craft safety plans and inform you of safe practices so you can avoid such situations. I really encourage you to mention these very valid concerns to a crisis worker. You can take precautions and keep control of these possible futures.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
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Reply #121 - August 16, 2017, 11:47 AM

Quote from: three on August 15, 2017, 11:35 PM
These are the questions you take up with your local women's advocate's office. They can help you craft safety plans and inform you of safe practices so you can avoid such situations. I really encourage you to mention these very valid concerns to a crisis worker. You can take precautions and keep control of these possible futures.

Thank you Three. I will read up on some organisations in my area and look at safety plan resources online, and try calling a few helplines. Karma Nirvana were really helpful to talk to last time. I appreciate your suggestion.
- Xainab
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Reply #122 - October 04, 2017, 05:18 PM

Hello everybody,

I hope you are doing well. Just wanted to update all the people who helped me through this thread, and also update anyone who was following it silently - with some really awesome things that have happened recently, in case this gives anybody hope:

- I decided to move out sooner rather than later, and was lodging somewhere temporarily (with my old secondary school teacher, in fact!) but have now found a more long term place to live, which is really lovely and a nice easy commuting distance to my workplace. Signed the contract yesterday and moving in this weekend

- I came clean to my parents about my (lack of) religious beliefs. I did this in writing - I left a letter for them when I made my secret getaway from the house. Even though it was the hardest thing I've ever done (actually... no... wait, meeting them for the first time afterwards was maybe even harder) and even though they are piling on the emotional blackmail and want me to come home, I realise it's up to me to maintain healthy boundaries and not let myself be controlled anymore now. Thankfully they haven't been violent or aggressive which does make it easier (and I told them in the letter I would take legal action necessary to protect myself if they did try to use violence to coerce me.)

- Both job and Masters are going well, and the former being practical application of the theory is especially enjoyable

- I am going bungee jumping with my boyfriend this weekend

- Life is really good!

I just wanted to say thank you to all for your advice, suggestions and support during what was one of the most transformative times of my life... Many of the things you guys commented really helped me look at the situation objectively and cemented my decision to leave and not feel terrible for wanting to pursue my own independence, freedom and happiness. I am a much much happier person for joining this forum.

I will maybe write about my story in more detail when the events are a little less raw. For now I just wanted to show my gratitude. ☺ If anyone is in a similar situation to the one I was in and ever wants to PM me to talk, I'm here for you. Lots of love to you all. Have a great week!
- three
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Reply #123 - October 05, 2017, 02:38 AM

I am so glad to hear you are doing well and that the transition is behind you! Thanks for some good news.

Don't let Hitler have the street.
- asbie
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Reply #124 - October 08, 2017, 12:54 AM

Echo three's sentiments. So glad you're doing well after your big step.

Quote from: yeezevee on February 11, 2016, 02:05 PM
how fuck works without shit??

Let's Play Chess!

harakaat, friend, RIP
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Reply #125 - October 08, 2017, 07:25 AM

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
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