PT, welcome to the human race! While I dont have the solution, I can
tell you that MOST of us have these SAME issues! Why do you think I
am 52 and never got married or had kids? First, I refused to have kids
as a single parent because for me it felt irresponsible. The marriage thing,
I thought too damned much about it. And had nightmares of getting married,
and right after leaving the church (or city hall) with my new husband, saw
mr. right walk or drive by. I met "Mr. Right" a few times, but panicked
big time.
So again, you are not alone, and if I DID have the answers, i would be a billionaire
from the books I wrote on the subject(s).
Hang in there, sweetheart!