Today I'm feeling kind of like this.
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I feel like a lost cause at the moment. Feel like there is no point in trying, feel like giving up. But have to be strong, have to get through and keep going.
The kids are doing super well, my daughter's gotten really good marks for english, maths, science, art, drama and music and an award for her reading (she won a $15.00 voucher for a local bookstore due to her being a top reader). Saw a drawing she did of a giant for school, and it's amazing, so much depth and shading and perspective is spot on, plus so much detail. That kid is amazing, sometimes brings tears to my eyes how much she loves me, don't feel like I deserve her love some days, she makes me cards and drawings. I don't know why I feel like I don't deserve her love, it's just that I don't feel like a good enough mother, I try so hard to be all that I can be for my guys, but just never feel good enough. It's so nice to think that she loves me anyway despite the fact that lately I've been ill and not up to doing as much with them. Like it's been ages since I took the kids to the park to have a BBQ, and it's been ages since we did any cooking together, feel so inadequate at the moment, want to do everything they could ever want and be like one of those perfect mothers that bakes muffins and cookies and cakes with their kids every day and takes their kids to the park every day and well is perfect in every way shape and form, which is impossible I know. Bleh, I'm sounding stupid now.
She hates PE, but what's new lol... when the teacher told me that I need to encourage my daughter in PE and doing more exercise, I told her, "She gets plenty of exercise, she just doesn't like the whole competitive side of PE." The teacher then said, "I never liked PE when I was a child either."
My son is being a little terror, but he's an adorable terror, yesterday he opened my daughter's nail polish when I was in the shower and he painted not only his own nails, but also the couch.
Doing my crocheting again to keep my hands busy. Reading a fair bit these a days when I can't sleep, currently reading a book called
Famine, the title and theme of the book is kind of ironic given my eating issues at the moment. Have been trying to get in some more exercise (1 hour walk per day) since I left the hospital because I feel like I need the fresh outside air and scenery and to get the blood pumping and endorphins going, but my psych told me today that I shouldn't be doing any exercise at the moment. Gah, can't fucking win. I find walking helps me feel better during the day even though it does wear me out, but she wants me to do none?!
Ahhhh, one day at a time.
Oh, and the news says it's supposedly an early spring for Australia, but alas seems not to be the case where I'm at lol.
Sitting at the computer is painful, my butt starts to hurt bad. Shall have to source a laptop cheap from somewhere so I can sit/lay on the couch and go online. Should have a check out online to see if I can find any refurbished ones 'cause sitting at the computer (my computer is a desktop) on the chair for any length of time is a bum killer.
Gah, bleh, meh, ha, suckity, fuckity, buckity, crap. Rant, rant, rave, rave, whine and whinge and shut the fuck up girl!
Topic: Broken Birdie Flying - Blog of this Ex-Muslim