Hi all - question regarding my wife
Reply #18 - April 02, 2013, 11:38 PM
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I can relate to everything you just said in your above first paragraph, although I think evil may be to strong a word in describing her family, not sure what the right one is, misguided, ignorant, superior...? I agree, imo the emotional blackmail and threats are morally wrong.
My situation, without getting to into the nitty gritty and giving to much information out, is that I was dating a seemingly, reasonably liberal muslim girl and suffice to say I eventually converted and we got married. For the first few times I met her I didn't even know she was muslim, I also didn't know a lot about Islam, I suppose I still don't. Her family's from Asia but we met in the West, where I'm from so I eventually agreed that I'd convert/say the shahada(I was very much against the idea) but that we'd live in the West away from the pressures and expectations of her people and country and that I wouldn't practice. The line "it will only be for the day that you'd be doing it/saying Shahada/converting" was also mentioned but even I wasn't naive enough to believe there wouldn't be consequences. We now have kids and it's still hard to know how I'll handle the next part, teaching prayer and getting kids to fast, (going to be difficult for me). Not sure if it will eventually get easier as they grow into young adults, I hope it will but I expect the next 10 years to be difficult regarding what I've just mentioned. Will I openly express my true beliefs to all and sundry after about 25 years of marriage when kids are all grown up, I don't know a part of me would like to but would there be any point, again I'm not sure, I'll probably see things differently that distance into the future if I'm lucky enough to still be around.
I admire your back bone for standing up to things so far, it's not easy, very emotionally draining I found. Is there no way your wife would agree to move away from her family to live away from all this interference but I guess, that this maybe would defeat the purpose of keeping things sweet with them. Does she sees them as an integral part of her life that shes not willing to live without, even over you(mine did)? It's just impossible to tell how these things will play out a few years down the road. Stay strong and if you want to discuss things further you can pm me if you like.