Stardust,
I was in the same exact position less than a year ago. It's not uncommon for people to go through existential depression at this age, especially gifted people who feel that they want something more out of life. Do you feel that you identify with this?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intellectual_giftednessThe most important thing to do is control your depression and not let it control you. Turn it into energy and be creative with it. Experiment with things. Discover yourself.
There were so many things I wanted to do and I felt there wasn't enough time to the point that it made me depressed. And that's how it's so ironic: your depression will make you feel dull and shiftless and that you don't want to do anything. Don't let that happen to you. Always fight it. Be productive. As soon as you're productive, you feel much happier and forget about your depression. Never give in.
And you should definitely talk to people about it. You'd be surprised how many people relate and are more than willing to help. Don't keep it to yourself. And if you're in university, talk to your academic counselor if it's affecting your studies. Academic counselors are there exactly for that purpose, and they're very helpful. Don't find that out too late.
Don't put yourself down and assume that people don't care and that you're burdening them with your problems. That's not true at all. A lot of people love to help. So even if it takes looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself you're awesome so many times till you get it, do it.
I also understand how you feel about your room. The way my room is always affects my mood. Just take it easy and you can make an event out of cleaning it and make it fun. Take it slowly. Tidy up while listening to music. Maybe invite a friend over to help you clean up. Don't be afraid of getting closer to people.
Hi Abood,
That's how I would feel too, during the last year of university.
Nah, I don't think It's to do with giftedness, I don't have that.
Although I have slight perfection issues. If I feel like I can't do something 'right' or not enough time to work on it to make it 'right' then I would find it difficult to even try at it. Most time end up avoiding things because of that. I used to have more confidence and focus on work so that wasn't an issue before. The focus went when I started to feel 'normal' i.e. rather than a nerd, I used to be so work orientated, then I took off the scarf, had a proper haircut at the shops for the first time, started experimenting with make up more, and clothes (-couldn't buy clothes I liked or any make up because up until uni I was only allowed out shopping with parents) and generally looking after my body better.
I thought about when this started. Around the time this emptiness started was when I made the decision not to do a PhD, before that point I had always thought I'd become a scientist, taken it as granted almost, but it was based on a false idealised verison of what I believed being a scientist was about. 4th year university, gave me a better idea of what real physicists do, and I didn't find it interesting, it could've been just that area of physics, but I choose that topic because it came across as most interesting out of what was avaliable.
I think it worse because of the added break up of the relationship, all the changes that has happened over this last year, and cold feet about moving out and the pgce course.
Maybe it's a kind of grief I'm going through, the loss of the possible future. I feel much better today though, i've tidied my room, well half way through, it looks much better already. Going to finish it off tomorrow.
Thanks Zoomi, I read your previous post, I think it's great and I'll be employing some of the things you've mentioned, such as exercising, decided to go jogging daily once I've moved and without parents knowing.
Topic: How do you handle depression?