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Theme Changer

 Poll

  • Question: Would you personally choose to have an arranged marriage now?
  • Yes - 0 (0%)
  • No - 17 (54.8%)
  • Not arranged per-se, but ok with being introduced - 12 (38.7%)
  • Other (Explain below) - 2 (6.5%)
  • Total Voters: 31

 Topic: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?

 (Read 5613 times)
  • 12 Next page « Previous thread | Next thread »
  • Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     OP - November 19, 2010, 05:54 PM

    Now that you're a non-believer, what would you say to an arranged marriage?
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #1 - November 19, 2010, 06:05 PM

    Don't have a issue with them as long as it is voluntary by both parties

    Would I personally have it? Maybe, if no one else will have me by the time I'm 30 Cheesy

    Blind faith is an ironic gift to return to the Creator of human intelligence

  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #2 - November 19, 2010, 06:07 PM

    No, thanks. I want to find the 'one' on my own.

    "The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves."
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #3 - November 19, 2010, 06:10 PM

    Arranged marriages are completely pointless in a time where there is enough capital for teenage and young adults to live at a relatively high standard of living.

    So once again I'm left with the classic Irish man's dilemma, do I eat the potato or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?
    My political philosophy below
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwGat4i8pJI&feature=g-vrec
    Just kidding, here are some true heros
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBTgvK6LQqA
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #4 - November 19, 2010, 06:14 PM

    I could never do that thing where you meet your (future) husband at the wedding, that shits just crazy.
    I also dont like the idea of being engaged for like 5 years and living together and then getting married.  Defeats the whole purpose, IMO.  
    Although I dont mind knowing someone for about a couple months and finding some common interests and then getting married.  It's the fun of marriage to discover new and interesting things about each other and you kinda grow together.  I like the idea of being in love before getting married.  I would personally like to go through the process of falling in love.  Sounds like a fairytale but I think it's something we should all go through, I heard its a wonderful experience. 

    I picked "Not arranged per-se, but ok with being introduced".

    "A good man is so hard to find but a hard man is so good to find"
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #5 - November 19, 2010, 06:22 PM

    BTW I wish I could find the article about marriage and diverse rates, but the most interesting hypothesis I have heard is that the high divorce rate is sign that people are marrying for romantic and emotional reasons now ( because women can live and work on their own) instead of materialistic reasons such has security for the future marrying " families " together etc.

    So once again I'm left with the classic Irish man's dilemma, do I eat the potato or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?
    My political philosophy below
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwGat4i8pJI&feature=g-vrec
    Just kidding, here are some true heros
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBTgvK6LQqA
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #6 - November 19, 2010, 07:33 PM

    BTW I wish I could find the article about marriage and diverse rates, but the most interesting hypothesis I have heard is that the high divorce rate is sign that people are marrying for romantic and emotional reasons now ( because women can live and work on their own) instead of materialistic reasons such has security for the future marrying " families " together etc.


    OH! REALLY!!!?  Lmao

    The guy in the video is a breath of fresh air! He is a survivor who has adapted to his  environment and he is so delightfully free of cognitive dissonance, so he avoids all BS and hypocrisy.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxqjSTXbcyA

    LOL!


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTq6fwBt5FA&feature=related

    IMHO these so called 'love marriages' have screwed up the institution of marriage. The protagonists pay lip service to emotions and feelings but are slaves to hormonal activity that gives them a ' sense of enjoyment and well being'. The only people they care about is themselves and that's the biggest problem. They are not about human feelings and emotions but about the sensations that a junkie gets on his trips. To sustain them he has to keep searching newer and newer substances. He is the only animate object in this world ,the rest of the universe is inanimate for his pleasure. So changing a partner is as cool as going in for a new car,laptop,ipod or whatever,because you have become 'hurt free' by anesthetizing  your feelings.

    So you have a series of 'love marriages' which are as real as silicone implanted knockers! That's  responsible for the high divorce figures. OK! some kind of love is involved it's called    : SELF LOVE

    At least arranged marriages are not hypocritical in their mission statement. Love is optional and other things that are vital for the bonding are given  due importance. I am not saying they are ideal,but at least they serve the purpose of continuation of the human race ,if the partners are willing to accept that there's more to life  than merely feeling good and happy and having orgasms on demand. The likelihood of producing 'normal' kids is much higher than with these 'serial love marriages'[where the kids have a tough time determining where they belong! Cheesy]
    So though I am a staunch supporter of love marriages, with a heavy heart I realize that with the current attitudes of people, they belong more to the realm of fantasy than that of reality.


    ETA:   
    Quote
    the high divorce rate is sign that people are marrying for romantic and emotional reasons now ( because women can live and work on their own) instead of materialistic reasons such has security for the future marrying " families " together etc.


    Very likely a 'feminist' propaganda!



    The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.
                                   Thomas Paine

    Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored !- Aldous Huxley
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #7 - November 19, 2010, 08:10 PM

    i don't like the idea much, but might pragmatically go in for one given my parents extremely high social capital(very very social) and my non existent social capital (largely a loner).
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #8 - November 19, 2010, 09:00 PM

    OH! REALLY!!!?  Lmao

    The guy in the video is a breath of fresh air! He is a survivor who has adapted to his  environment and he is so delightfully free of cognitive dissonance, so he avoids all BS and hypocrisy.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxqjSTXbcyA

    LOL!


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTq6fwBt5FA&feature=related

    IMHO these so called 'love marriages' have screwed up the institution of marriage. The protagonists pay lip service to emotions and feelings but are slaves to hormonal activity that gives them a ' sense of enjoyment and well being'. The only people they care about is themselves and that's the biggest problem. They are not about human feelings and emotions but about the sensations that a junkie gets on his trips. To sustain them he has to keep searching newer and newer substances. He is the only animate object in this world ,the rest of the universe is inanimate for his pleasure. So changing a partner is as cool as going in for a new car,laptop,ipod or whatever,because you have become 'hurt free' by anesthetizing  your feelings.

    So you have a series of 'love marriages' which are as real as silicone implanted knockers! That's  responsible for the high divorce figures. OK! some kind of love is involved it's called    : SELF LOVE

    At least arranged marriages are not hypocritical in their mission statement. Love is optional and other things that are vital for the bonding are given  due importance. I am not saying they are ideal,but at least they serve the purpose of continuation of the human race ,if the partners are willing to accept that there's more to life  than merely feeling good and happy and having orgasms on demand. The likelihood of producing 'normal' kids is much higher than with these 'serial love marriages'[where the kids have a tough time determining where they belong! Cheesy]
    So though I am a staunch supporter of love marriages, with a heavy heart I realize that with the current attitudes of people, they belong more to the realm of fantasy than that of reality.


    ETA:   
    Very likely a 'feminist' propaganda!


    I literally have no idea what you are talking about.

    So once again I'm left with the classic Irish man's dilemma, do I eat the potato or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?
    My political philosophy below
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwGat4i8pJI&feature=g-vrec
    Just kidding, here are some true heros
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBTgvK6LQqA
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #9 - November 19, 2010, 09:43 PM

    Now that you're a non-believer, what would you say to an arranged marriage?


    Depends on how hot she is.  Wink

    Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense. - Voltaire
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #10 - November 19, 2010, 09:59 PM

    ^

    That was going to be the 4th option originally
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #11 - November 19, 2010, 10:03 PM

    Personally I'd like to choose but I wouldn't mind my parents helping me to choose or introducing me to someone---as long as it isn't an uneducated mirpuri from Pakistan. Then I'd be really really  finmad
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #12 - November 19, 2010, 10:03 PM

    Lol, interesting thread Sir Mighty Cats.

    I would never, ever, want to marry a traditional and born person. The marriage simply won't bond and there will be no understanding between us.

    You would rather marry someone, who you have known for time, and share their feelings and emotions.

    I've seen what can happen with arranged marriages just from my parents.  Tongue
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #13 - November 19, 2010, 10:57 PM

    I literally have no idea what you are talking about.


    Did you watch those vids? There are plenty of others where people are complaining about not finding mates that care for the 'romantic and emotional' aspects of marriage.So obviously people are not searching for them in relationship. Hence to say generally ,that the high divorce rate is due to people seeking those aspects is fallacious.



    The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.
                                   Thomas Paine

    Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored !- Aldous Huxley
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #14 - November 20, 2010, 12:20 AM

    Not really. 2 videos a sociologist does not make.  Up to about 100 years ago, women weren't  allowed to work in the workforce in any certain way so to have financial security a woman had to marry or live with her parents. As capital reserves increased and women were allowed to enter the workforce in more numbers they weren't dependent on the institution of marriage to provide martial security.  As marriage became optional for women so did the rigidity of staying in marriage.  As women could enter and exit marriage easier, it became less about material security and more about whatever the couple wanted it to be.  Hence rising divorce rates is an indication of the lessing of the importantance of marriage as the sole means of financial security for a woman and more about whatever reasons they give to marriage and/or the absolving of those reasons that lead to divorce. 

    The idea that rising divorce rates a symptom of "moral degradation" ( not what your talking about but still mentioned) is completely false.  One could say the rising divorce rate is a symphonic of a more "moral" marriage in the sense that they are willingly entered into instead of being forced by the lack of other options. 

    So once again I'm left with the classic Irish man's dilemma, do I eat the potato or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?
    My political philosophy below
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwGat4i8pJI&feature=g-vrec
    Just kidding, here are some true heros
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBTgvK6LQqA
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #15 - November 20, 2010, 02:52 AM

    The way to go is to stay single and party till you're 35.. then get married if you want to.
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #16 - November 20, 2010, 03:34 AM

    I picked HELL NO. I want to know who the woman is before we marry. Not only that, but I want to know her personality and whatnot.

    "The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshiped anything but himself."
    ~Sir Richard Francis Burton

    "I think religion is just like smoking: Both invented by people, addictive, harmful, and kills!"
    ~RIBS
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #17 - November 20, 2010, 07:28 AM

    Not really. 2 videos a sociologist does not make.  Up to about 100 years ago, women weren't  allowed to work in the workforce in any certain way so to have financial security a woman had to marry or live with her parents. As capital reserves increased and women were allowed to enter the workforce in more numbers they weren't dependent on the institution of marriage to provide martial security.  As marriage became optional for women so did the rigidity of staying in marriage.  As women could enter and exit marriage easier, it became less about material security and more about whatever the couple wanted it to be.  Hence rising divorce rates is an indication of the lessing of the importantance of marriage as the sole means of financial security for a woman and more about whatever reasons they give to marriage and/or the absolving of those reasons that lead to divorce. 

    The idea that rising divorce rates a symptom of "moral degradation" ( not what your talking about but still mentioned) is completely false.  One could say the rising divorce rate is a symphonic of a more "moral" marriage in the sense that they are willingly entered into instead of being forced by the lack of other options. 


    Yes they are free choices, no doubt. Just because they are that , to say that they are 'love marriages' is non sequitur.

    http://www.essay-911.com/samples/highdivorcerate.htm

    Quote
    Nowadays, divorce is one of the most serious social problems that American society is currently facing. In actuality the divorce rate is constantly growing and in present days it is extremely high this is why it is extremely important to find out the main factors contributing to the growth of the divorce rate and possible solutions of the problem.
    First of all, it is necessary to briefly describe the current situation in the US. In this respect, it should be said that nowadays the divorce rate is unparallel and according to specialists (Levinger, Cherlin) it has already over passed 50%. Obviously, such a high level indicates at the fact that the problem of divorce is really serious and some solution of this problem is needed because divorce plays a very significant role in the life of society, family and each individual. To put it more precisely, in the social scale, the high divorce rate deteriorates dramatically the demographic situation within the country since often it prevents people from bearing children. This is why nowadays it is practically a norm when there is only one children in a family and the main reason is divorce because it makes family an extremely unstable institution.
    Furthermore, families also are often ruined by divorces because children are simply separated from one of the parents and cannot communicate normally as they could do if their parents were still married. Naturally, such a situation causes a number of personal problems of children as well as parents. These problems are basically of psychological character but still they deteriorate the life of people.


    At the same time, it should be pointed out that divorce rate may vary depending on the region, level of income, race, religious beliefs, or lack of them, etc. For instance, it is noteworthy that the Bible Belt states have some of the highest divorce rate in the US (Belli and Krantzler 2000). Also, families which income is lower than $25,000 are more likely to divorce within ten years of marriage, regardless region, religious beliefs, etc. compared to couples with higher income (Emery 1998). As for the difference in the divorce rate by race, it should be pointed out that for white population the rate is 9,8%, 11,3% for African-Americans, and 7,6% for Hispanics (Thompson 2002).
    On analysing, the statistical data, it is possible to make certain conclusions as for the main causes of divorces. In this respect, it is necessary to take into consideration such a factor as the period of time people are married because the longer a couple is married the less likelihood that it will end in divorce. Nonetheless, there are still some factors that influence the divorce rate. To put it more precisely, there are several factors. One of them is the level of income, which is very important factor that influences the divorce rate. For instance, an annual household income over $50,000 cannot certainly prevent a couple from divorce but it may reduce its probability by 30% (Wallerstein 2001).
    Furthermore, children are also a very important factor that both parents traditionally take into consideration when they take a decision concerning divorce. For instance, if a couple has a baby seven months or more after marriage it will decrease its chances to divorce by 24% (Levinger 1999). Also a very important role in the increase of divorce rate plays socio-economic instability. It is also necessary to take into consideration the level of income of spouses, since the higher income of a wife decrease the probability of divorce, as well as it is necessary to remember about cultural and educational level of spouses, their job, way of life, and many other factors.
    As a result, it is possible to suggest certain solutions of the problem of high divorce rate. It is obvious that one of the most crucial factors contributing to the high divorce rate is socio-economic situation which obviously has to be improved, especially for those categories which are at the highest risk of divorce. In such a situation the higher divorce rate in African-American families than in white families is also basically caused by socio-economic differences between these racial groups. Naturally, it is impossible to force couple to remain married with socio-economic tools only. This is why it is very important to pay a particular attention to cultural and moral education of people with the help of some cultural or educational program. Anyway, people should come psychologically prepared to the decision to marry. Probably, it worth to organize some psychological courses for couples that are going to marry. In fact, it is even possible to borrow the experience of the preparation of parents to bearing children to the decision to marry or divorce.
    Thus, in conclusion, it is possible to say that, despite the complexity of the problem, the growth of the divorce rate in America should be stopped and possibly decreased. Naturally, it is difficult to do but the solutions of the problem may be and have to be found.


     http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/152965/a_closer_look_at_the_reasons_for_the.html?cat=72


    Quote
    According to several divorce websites, the current divorce rate for first-time marriages in the United States of America is 50%. The rates for second and third marriages
     are even higher. The U.S. tops a long list of nations in our rate of divorce. Why is this? Why are not Americans more committed to their marriages? I believe there are several reasons for the current trend:

    1. Abuse and affairs. These are the most obvious and justifiable reasons for divorce. Certainly, no woman or man should stay with someone who is physically or emotionally abusing them. Also, it is understandable that someone would not choose to be with a spouse who has had or is having an affair.

    2. Lack of commitment. I believe this is the major American reason for getting divorced. U.S. couples stand before the minister, rabbi, or justice of the peace and often repeat the words "till death do us part", but rarely do they really consider the implications of this promise. Couples of past generations seem to have understood commitment so much better. I am always amazed when I read the stories of World War II brides who married after knowing their fianc� for only a few days, weeks, or months-then went on to spend fifty or more years together. It couldn't have all been a "bed of roses"-learning to live with someone they hardly knew, yet they made it work. These couples understood commitment.
    3. A misunderstanding of "love". Unfortunately, Americans base their views on what love is primarily from what they see in the movies or on television, or read in a novel. Love according to these sources is
     that special, heart-throbbing feeling that you get from just seeing someone or hearing their voice. Almost every couple will experience these feelings, especially when they are first dating. For many U.S. couples, when the "feelings" fade away and the reality of actually living with and being committed to someone with all their faults and failures sinks in, that's when the marriage dies. The individuals move on to the next "exciting" person who comes along, until they "feel" like they are "in love" again-after all, isn't that how our society portrays love? Love is so much more than feelings; it grows into something that is steadfast, deep, and abiding rather than shallow.

    4. An inability to work through difficulties. When the going gets tough, Americans tend to quit. Finances get tight sometimes. Unplanned children are born. Planned children put unexpected stress on a marriage. It is easier to just walk away than to work through the problems.


    In no way is this a conclusive list of the reasons for the extremely high divorce rate our country faces. Our challenge is to identify the causes and work to strengthen couples and families.

     
    "WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?" Chasing mirages sure does!

    A person who made the following comment at one of the links homed in on the truth IMO.

    Quote
    Because we live in a disposable society - we also are a generation of 'instant gratification' - so when times get rough people don't have the same level of committment as generations past had. It's not that our grandparents generation didn't face a lot of the same issues as couples do nowadays - and many will tell you when asked - there were many rough patches within the lifetime of their marriage - but they stuck it out and rode them out together and came out of them with an even stronger bond and greater appreciation for the other person.

     

     001_wub 001_wub





    The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.
                                   Thomas Paine

    Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored !- Aldous Huxley
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #18 - November 20, 2010, 12:17 PM

    I'd never commit to a man until I'd sampled the goods.

    Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #19 - November 20, 2010, 12:38 PM

    LOL! heard about the paradox of choice? The real problem is that the sampling could end up becoming a never ending process and your losing sight of what you really want!
     



    The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.
                                   Thomas Paine

    Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored !- Aldous Huxley
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #20 - November 20, 2010, 12:41 PM

    I already found what I was looking for Smiley

    Too fucking busy, and vice versa.
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #21 - November 20, 2010, 12:59 PM

    I don't mind being introduced. The issue isn't the introduction. It is the type of women I'd be introduced to. It is unlikely for my rents to find me a nice girl who thinks like me. Therefore, one must venture for her/himself in the big wide scary world of rejections. And there is nothing better than it for personal development - it teaches you to be a better person and know yourself in ways that being complacent never would. Life is good, go searching and be a tiger!  Afro
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #22 - November 20, 2010, 01:01 PM

    I already found what I was looking for Smiley


    LUCKY! We look from afar and muse: luxury
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #23 - November 20, 2010, 01:03 PM

    I don't mind being introduced. The issue isn't the introduction. It is the type of women I'd be introduced to. It is unlikely for my rents to find me a nice girl who thinks like me.


    Depends.. I suppose converting her could be so satisfying especially if she's a peach and a nice girl deep down.

    "Modern man's great illusion has been to convince himself that of all that has gone before he represents the zenith of human accomplishment, but can't summon the mental powers to read anything more demanding than emoticons. Fascinating. "

    One very horny Turk I met on the net.
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #24 - November 20, 2010, 01:04 PM

    I already found what I was looking for Smiley


    Thank you for letting us know, I was about to send you a sample with a feedback and rating sheet.

    "Modern man's great illusion has been to convince himself that of all that has gone before he represents the zenith of human accomplishment, but can't summon the mental powers to read anything more demanding than emoticons. Fascinating. "

    One very horny Turk I met on the net.
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #25 - November 20, 2010, 01:08 PM

    Depends.. I suppose converting her could be so satisfying especially if she's a peach and a nice girl deep down.


    ras111 , what is the PROBABILITY of that?  Smiley

    One won't live forever, and so has to increase their chances more pragmatically.
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #26 - November 20, 2010, 01:30 PM

    Mum: Here is a nice girl for you
    Me: Oh no .. here we go ... :(
    Lady: Hi
    Me: Hello
    *Wow, she's cute*
    Lady: I'm not religious at all really, can you live with that?
    Me: CAN I?! Of course!
    Lady: Great, oh and I'm pretty westernized but wear the cultural dress on special family occasions. I love a glass of wine dancing by the moonlight.
    Me: No way, me too!
    Lady: I think we click

    -

    Mum: All good?
    Me: Yep

    -

    All lived happily ever after

    ----

    ^^Sorry, the above chances are pretty low I think.
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #27 - November 20, 2010, 01:32 PM

    ^I know a girl who's kinda like that  Wink
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #28 - November 20, 2010, 01:45 PM

    I already found what I was looking for Smiley


     Afro Congratulations!  So you are a connoisseur after all! All the very best and hope both of you work at converting the initial high voltage to a steady useful voltage that generates sufficient warmth to take you through the inevitable lows of life.
    Remember though the initial big flame is exciting to watch,it is impotent if you don't have a steady flame lighting up the fireplace afterwards. In fact its very raison d'etre  should be to facilitate a 'steady flame'.



    The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.
                                   Thomas Paine

    Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored !- Aldous Huxley
  • Re: Arranged Marriage: yey or ney?
     Reply #29 - November 20, 2010, 01:55 PM

    Oh btw Ishina, congratulations!
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