Arranged Marriages

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Arranged Marriages
OP - December 24, 2010, 04:07 PM

Just curious what the percentages are.

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #1 - December 24, 2010, 04:14 PM

Wish somebody would arrange a marriage for me....ha ha
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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #2 - December 24, 2010, 04:21 PM

I will marry for love only and choose my own partner thankyou.

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #3 - December 24, 2010, 04:23 PM

marriage is overrated.

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #4 - December 26, 2010, 12:16 PM

Two options. I will refuse categorically should my parents entertain that thought. Also, I will marry for love and tax benefits

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #5 - December 26, 2010, 12:17 PM

But it's rather sad now that I think about it, how many of my cousins are in arranged marriage. I'd say 70% of them are.

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #6 - December 26, 2010, 12:25 PM

Yes, but what choice do you (not you personally) have ? If in a Muslim society you are not allowed to date or mingle freely with the opposite sex, how are you going to meet somebody, get to know and fall in love with that somebody ?

Like a compass needle that points north, a man?s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always.

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #7 - December 26, 2010, 12:59 PM

Well, for me it's more "I will be introduced to many CVs, and will be pressured to pick one, and I will say no and my mum WILL faint to see a non-South Asian woman"

OR

"I will be introduced to many CVs, and will be pressured to pick one, and I will stumbled upon someone who is actually just like me and it's all good"

I'd say it's a 40:60 ratio in terms of likelihood between the former and the latter.

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #8 - December 26, 2010, 01:00 PM

Quote from: Naerys on December 26, 2010, 12:16 PM
Two options. I will refuse categorically should my parents entertain that thought. Also, I will marry for love and tax benefits

LOL

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #9 - December 26, 2010, 01:29 PM

Quote from: Paloma on December 26, 2010, 12:25 PM
Yes, but what choice do you (not you personally) have ? If in a Muslim society you are not allowed to date or mingle freely with the opposite sex, how are you going to meet somebody, get to know and fall in love with that somebody ?

Meet him/her online but don't fall in love,you will only hurt yourself badly,especially if one of you wears a burkha! . Keep chatting and process whatever cues you get intelligently. Proactively seek the warts and the moles,after the initial attraction;if you honestly feel that they won't be a problem in the long run,you are all set to take a calculated risk.
Remember in life there are no guarantees but this is much better than dry humping

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #10 - December 30, 2010, 10:27 PM

I told my dad when I was 17 that I wasn't marrying a son of a mirpuri farmer But that I would value his and my mums opinion when I'm ready to choose a hubby and he's fine that
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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #11 - December 30, 2010, 10:55 PM

Quote
I told my dad when I was 17 that I wasn't marrying a son of a mirpuri farmer

Famous last words.

"we can smell traitors and country haters"

Quote from: arX on May 01, 2011, 03:33 AM
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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #12 - December 30, 2010, 11:03 PM

Quote from: Aphrodite on December 30, 2010, 10:27 PM
I told my dad when I was 17 that I wasn't marrying a son of a mirpuri farmer But that I would value his and my mums opinion when I'm ready to choose a hubby and he's fine that

what you are in high school? NO MORE SUCH TALKS UNTIL YOU GET A 4 YEAR COLLEGE DEGREE young lady.....

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #13 - December 30, 2010, 11:35 PM

I told my parents I wasn't going to be some guy's ticket to canada.

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #14 - December 30, 2010, 11:40 PM

Quote from: yeezevee on December 30, 2010, 11:03 PM
what you are in high school? NO MORE SUCH TALKS UNTIL YOU GET A 4 YEAR COLLEGE DEGREE young lady.....

You don't need qualifications to dream !

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #15 - December 30, 2010, 11:49 PM

Was in an arranged marriage but ended up loving her. Such a shame she believes in silly things - coz she is a lovely person.
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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #16 - December 31, 2010, 12:32 AM

One of the fortunate things about being "out" and being a male (despite being from a Muslim family) is that you can more or less forget about arranged marriages...

However I haven't ruled out arranged marriages entirely, just for the time being.
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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #17 - December 31, 2010, 02:02 AM

Quote from: billy on December 30, 2010, 10:55 PM
Famous last words.

What?!

Quote from: yeezevee on December 30, 2010, 11:03 PM
what you are in high school? NO MORE SUCH TALKS UNTIL YOU GET A 4 YEAR COLLEGE DEGREE young lady.....

Uni 2nd year of a 4 yr degree I thought its best to get that talk over with sooner rather than later, in my case years earlier

Quote from: Ephemeral on December 30, 2010, 11:35 PM
I told my parents I wasn't going to be some guy's ticket to canada.

hehehe
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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #18 - December 31, 2010, 01:08 PM

Quote from: Aphrodite on December 30, 2010, 10:27 PM
I told my dad when I was 17 that I wasn't marrying a son of a mirpuri farmer But that I would value his and my mums opinion when I'm ready to choose a hubby and he's fine that

This
+1

My Mum will not have a direct say in who I marry but I will respect and take into consideration her opinion and input

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #19 - November 05, 2011, 02:56 AM

Just come out as an atheist and tell your parents that you want them to find you a nice loving kafir wife.

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #20 - November 05, 2011, 12:27 PM

Getting engaged soon which is obviously arranged. I just gave up in the end and accepted my fate, but at least now I have no guilt cos I came out about my apostacy.

Does not change the fact that its depressing as hell. Fighting against arranged marriage proposals for 5 years, in the end I lost

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #21 - November 05, 2011, 01:03 PM

Why did you lose?

It's too important a battle to lose.
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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #22 - November 05, 2011, 05:02 PM

Quote from: VHD on November 05, 2011, 12:27 PM
Getting engaged soon which is obviously arranged. I just gave up in the end and accepted my fate, but at least now I have no guilt cos I came out about my apostacy.

Does not change the fact that its depressing as hell. Fighting against arranged marriage proposals for 5 years, in the end I lost

Wait but what muslim would arrange their child's marriage to an apostate/Atheist??? Do you soon to be in laws know about your apostasy?

DON'T give into your parents demands. The REST OF YOUR LIFE is at stake here

In my opinion a life without curiosity is not a life worth living
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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #23 - November 05, 2011, 05:20 PM

I am not very experienced about life. I always hear from the people around me that arranged marriages are more successful and that love marriages are destined to be a doomed one. I get to hear loads of examples about that too, especially about terribly unsuccessful love marriages where mostly the husbands end up murdering their wives brutally, after torturing them for a period of time, from the media. What do you guys have to say about it?
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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #24 - November 05, 2011, 06:39 PM

Quote from: VHD on November 05, 2011, 12:27 PM
Getting engaged soon which is obviously arranged. I just gave up in the end and accepted my fate, but at least now I have no guilt cos I came out about my apostacy.

Does not change the fact that its depressing as hell. Fighting against arranged marriage proposals for 5 years, in the end I lost

o m g! VHD! :(

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #25 - November 06, 2011, 01:38 AM

Quote from: David on November 05, 2011, 01:03 PM
Why did you lose?

It's too important a battle to lose.

It was a deal, if I could not find a partner by the end of uni I would have to accept what happened next. I took my chances, I lost.

Quote from: TheDarkRebel on November 05, 2011, 05:02 PM
Wait but what muslim would arrange their child's marriage to an apostate/Atheist??? Do you soon to be in laws know about your apostasy?

DON'T give into your parents demands. The REST OF YOUR LIFE is at stake here

Only my family knows, and honestly after the shit storm that I had to deal with telling my mum. I wont bother with telling my supposed in-laws and since they are in pak-land this would get ugly. So I just explained to my mother that she has to keep that in mind. Me getting married seems to be a big deal to my mother, even more than (to my surprise) my apostasy.

As for your second comment, well I dunno. The rest of my life? I find that kind of narrow minded to think that marriage is the be all end all. Life is huge, and I never believed in marriage in the first place. So I guess to me it is just a formality, a task if you will that will please my family. What happens afterwards is still a long time, and I can surely change that.

Quote from: stardust on November 05, 2011, 06:39 PM
o m g! VHD! :(

*sigh* yup. With all that said above, does not change the fact its embarrassing and degrading which in turn makes it depressing.

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #26 - November 06, 2011, 01:48 AM

VHD just don't go with the arranged marriage if you don't want...youre an out atheist so it doesn't matter :/

Unless of course the girl is very attractive, and hence the less resistance this time round

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #27 - November 06, 2011, 01:52 AM

VHD are you in UK/US or are you in some Islamic country? If you're going ahead with the arranged marriage and you don't like the girl, then know that you are also ruining the girls life. I was in the same position as you and my parents wanted me to do an arranged marriage but I stood up for myself. If you can't act like an adult, then you're not even ready for marriage anyway.

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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #28 - November 06, 2011, 02:21 AM

@ VHD - Are you going to tell your potential wife about your apostasy?

Quote from: Elifaz on December 31, 2010, 12:32 AM
One of the fortunate things about being "out" and being a male (despite being from a Muslim family) is that you can more or less forget about arranged marriages...

However I haven't ruled out arranged marriages entirely, just for the time being.

Weren't you engaged?

Quote from: hypocrucifier on December 26, 2010, 01:29 PM
but don't fall in love

Lol, "if you fall - whatever you do, DON'T HIT THE GROUND!"
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Re: Arranged Marriages
Reply #29 - November 06, 2011, 02:26 AM

Quote from: stardust on November 06, 2011, 01:48 AM
VHD just don't go with the arranged marriage if you don't want...youre an out atheist so it doesn't matter :/

Unless of course the girl is very attractive, and hence the less resistance this time round

Nah, the girl first time round was way more attractive but I was bit more passionate about my life back then. Now, I know marriage is just a small step. Just because I am an atheist does not mean I cease to have expectations and relationships with my family. Sure, I could refuse but in the end its not worth it. I don't believe in love or marriage, so in turn I see it as small contribution to my life.

Quote from: -Tmp- on November 06, 2011, 01:52 AM
VHD are you in UK/US or are you in some Islamic country? If you're going ahead with the arranged marriage and you don't like the girl, then know that you are also ruining the girls life. I was in the same position as you and my parents wanted me to do an arranged marriage but I stood up for myself. If you can't act like an adult, then you're not even ready for marriage anyway.

You need to stand up for yourself! Don't get married to someone whom you don't like. Life is only once!

I dunno how to take your post dude, I gather you think I cannot act like an adult and cannot stand up for myself. I been through it all, I have gone the rebellious route, "stood up for myself" and in the end learned it makes no fucking difference. There are more important things to me than marriage, and I am not prepared to strain relationships for something I care so little for ever again. My Mom > East vs West cultural collision.

Why do you assume I am ruining the girls life? Fortunately my family has a tradition for allowing around about 1.5 to 2 years before actual marriage. That is plenty of time for me to let her know about the elephant in the room. Then its up to her and I wont be at any blame if it gets called off.

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