I never thought I was this strong, I seem to be doing so well, no one so far has an idea of what I’m going through, no on could guess how difficult it is living a life of pretentious lies nothing but a facade. It’s always easy to say ‘just be yourself’ but have you ever considered that it’s not always easy to figure who you really are? I guess you can never really judge how resilient your heart can be until it has to step down on to the battlefield, and you figure your closest kin is your strongest enemy.
My family are of course my weakness and I will always strive to keep them as happy as it is possible from me. But sometimes what parents want is always for the best – for the majority in question, not always whats best for you. What people find difficult to comprehend is that life isn’t always deterministic, you do not have to be who your parents are or what they want you to be, neither does it have to mean that the family / religion / views / values you are brought up with are the absolute truth.
To be able to progress further in life and to be able to understand life’s philosophy, one should be open to all interpretations of life, one should adopt a flexible approach and understanding of ones surroundings. We as humans are constantly evolving and changing, and where there are so many changes taking place it seems so trivial and immature to follow one deterministic view of living, not only does it seem implausible in theory but also in practice.
However, I am in no position to judge what people should and shouldn’t believe in, it is just so frustrating to see millions of people wasting their time and energy devoting to a supernatural being whose existence is based on chance. Somehow it seems to me religious people ultimately are bound to hypocrisy, after all aren’t they gambling their lives for a surreal afterlife?
I can not even imagine to deny that I used to think there was a snow white heaven, a red hot hell and a man in a beard up in the clouds. Even though in Islam it is forbidden to picture or imagine God / Allah as he is beyond human comprehension. But then again it is an innate ability of humans to imagine predict and think about the future and unseen ‘Truths’.
To be honest I do not recall when I started doubting the Truth I was lead to believe in. But when I started seeing religious teachings and values from a completely impartial and objective point of view I came to realise the variety of Truths that were out there all invented by humans.
From what I understand, religion is a comfort for humans, the ultimate fear of the unknown can lead the human mind to apprehensive anxious troubles and thoughts, and the hard fact of life is that we humans like to believe that we know everything there is to know. We cannot allow there to be doubts with the complex intelligent human mind. So we go out with a verificationistic approach, that allows us to ‘verify’ our doubts into reality.
Therefore, the alternative approach to life is science where there is no absolute truth and everything is judged on falsificationism. It is true until proven false. So this thence raises questions upon religions who believe they hold the ultimate and absolute truth yet they do not prefer to be judged. What many evolutionists believe is that if a religion really does have the ‘ultimate’ truth then it should not falter to come under questions and observations.
I’m afraid of what the future holds for me. I know a time is going to come where I just won’t be able to hold back. When my life will be forced to be pushed to it’s utmost limit, and I won’t manage to control my views from surfacing. I am so very afraid of that moment, and afraid that every single minute is inching towards that inevitable event. I guess only ‘god knows’ when the reality will be uncovered.
Topic: What amusement have I made of my life?